Although questions are important to improve your relationship, people often hesitate to ask the ones that really matter to them. Topics like:
- “Do you love me?“,
- “What’s up with us?“, and
- “Are you happy?“
are stuffed rather than asked and the unanswered topic festers.
That’s why questions matter. They keep you from assuming, from reacting to something that’s not true, and from being hurt when there is no reason for hurt. Questions improve your relationship.
Relationships thrive when questions are asked and answered from the heart.
Questions let you build things together (take for example the questions couples getting married should probably ask each other about their expectations). They let you understand your partner rather than guess about them. Questions need to be asked in even long standing relationships, a place rife with assumptions. Also the questions you find important to ask tell you about your own beliefs, wants, and needs.
Think how you can initiate a discussion of questions to improve your relationship.
One way to approach question is to keep a journal for the couple. This notebook/journal is kept somewhere both of you can get it, and when one of you has a question, they write it down in the journal and leave it out where the other will see it and know to answer. The written questions and answers are the jumping off point for productive verbal discussions and deep understandings.
So, what questions do you want to know the answers to in your relationship? Ask your partner curiously, and open your heart and ears to truly listen to the answers.
Share in the comments how questions have helped you improve your relationship!