Accused of Cheating and You’re Not?

There are at least 4 causes for accusations of faithlessness when it is blatantly obvious cheating isn’t happen.
  1. Sometimes a spouse or partner accuses because they are cheating themselves.  By accusing you they blind you to the truth of their behaviors.  Or they may be considering cheating, so they are trying to convince themselves that it is okay because you are doing it.
  2. There may be a history which creates the fear of cheating.  Either you or your partner have cheated before on each other or past partners, or your partner has been cheated on.
  3. They are too controlling and possessive.  Because no one can control everything in another person’s life or own another, possessive people often accuse their partner of infidelity.
  4. They are hypersensitive (sometimes because of reason number 2.)  They may jump to the wrong conclusions about things like a project keeping you late at work or you being distracted by issues in your family.  They feel your disconnection, and assume it is cheating.
  5. They are looking for a reason to leave or disconnect themselves.  Sometimes a person doesn’t want to be the one to say “it’s over” and so they come up with a reason to leave.

So, to the point, what can you do if you didn’t cheat, but they keep insisting you were unfaithful?

  1. Take a close look at your relationship.  Is your partner controlling and possessive?  That isn’t a healthy relationship.  Is it possible he/she is cheating?  Is it possible they are really unhappy and don’t know any other way to say it?  Could you two be distanced by something that your partner is interpreting as unfaithfulness?  Address these issues.
  2. Look at your own behaviors.  Are you distancing or emotionally unavailable?  Do you communicate what is going on for you so your partner is aware?  Are you a flirt?  Do you give reason for your partner to be afraid?  Do you do things that enable your partner to think you could be cheating?  Talk with your partner about what things he/she is seeing which bother them and admit if you are doing them.
  3.  Understand there is nothing you can do to change your partner’s mind if they don’t want it to change.  If they can’t believe you when it is clear you aren’t cheating, this is a huge red flag!  The relationship needs major work, or you need to get out.
  4. Lastly, avoid the “f***-its”.  This is the thought “Well, I keep being accused of it, so f*** it I’m going to cheat.”  Don’t act out in frustration.  If you feel this way, then it is time to leave or get your partner into real relationship work with you.
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