Accused of Cheating and You’re Not?

(If you want more in-depth information on this than a blog post,
my book on this topic is available on Amazon Kindle*.  All the best!  -Kim)
There are at least 4 causes for accusations of faithlessness when it is blatantly obvious cheating isn’t happen.
  1. Sometimes a spouse or partner accuses because they are cheating themselves.  By accusing you they blind you to the truth of their behaviors.  Or they may be considering cheating, so they are trying to convince themselves that it is okay because you are doing it.
  2. There may be a history which creates the fear of cheating.  Either you or your partner have cheated before on each other or past partners, or your partner has been cheated on.
  3. They are too controlling and possessive.  Because no one can control everything in another person’s life or own another, possessive people often accuse their partner of infidelity.
  4. They are hypersensitive (sometimes because of reason number 2.)  They may jump to the wrong conclusions about things like a project keeping you late at work or you being distracted by issues in your family.  They feel your disconnection, and assume it is cheating.
  5. They are looking for a reason to leave or disconnect themselves.  Sometimes a person doesn’t want to be the one to say “it’s over” and so they come up with a reason to leave.

So, to the point, what can you do if you didn’t cheat, but they keep insisting you were unfaithful?

  1. Take a close look at your relationship.  Is your partner controlling and possessive?  That isn’t a healthy relationship.  Is it possible he/she is cheating?  Is it possible they are really unhappy and don’t know any other way to say it?  Could you two be distanced by something that your partner is interpreting as unfaithfulness?  Address these issues.
  2. Look at your own behaviors.  Are you distancing or emotionally unavailable?  Do you communicate what is going on for you so your partner is aware?  Are you a flirt?  Do you give reason for your partner to be afraid?  Do you do things that enable your partner to think you could be cheating?  Talk with your partner about what things he/she is seeing which bother them and admit if you are doing them.
  3.  Understand there is nothing you can do to change your partner’s mind if they don’t want it to change.  If they can’t believe you when it is clear you aren’t cheating, this is a huge red flag!  The relationship needs major work, or you need to get out.
  4. Lastly, avoid the “f***-its”.  This is the thought “Well, I keep being accused of it, so f*** it I’m going to cheat.”  Don’t act out in frustration.  If you feel this way, then it is time to leave or get your partner into real relationship work with you.

P.S.  Please use the comment block, not the feedback form, to talk about your experience with this issue.  The feedback form is for use only if you wish to actually work with me and have questions about that.  Also, no links, emails, marketing, or phone numbers in comments; they will be deleted.  Thank you.


GREAT NEWS!  The more in-depth book “Accused of Cheating and You’re Not: understanding why it’s happening and what to do about it.” is available on Amazon Kindle*! 

Click here to get it NOW!


*(No Kindle, no problem; download the free app for your mobile or desktop devices.)


533 thoughts on “Accused of Cheating and You’re Not?

  1. No matter how good and strong the relationship in your marriage is, you always need a marriage counselor. i never knew that and that’s why my husband and i was always fighting when i don’t even know where the problem was coming from. we are deeply in love but when we fight, you won’t believe we would ever be husband and wife. it’s has been like that ever since and i was kinda getting use to it and anytime we are having quarrel i thought it is a minor thing that we can always solve it out but the last one we had, almost lead my marriage to divorce if not for the help of Dr Mack who saved it.

  2. I have been with my OH for 9 years now and have a baby girl together. He has been both a rock to me and I adore him so much. He has helped me out of my cluttered rut and has been the only one to have my back, but also reduces me to tears because he randomly accuses me of constantly cheating, having a boyfriend and meeting up with exes, and people from my past. None of these I have done or ever intended on doing.
    An example of this was last night. He woke from a snooze on the settee and basically out of the blue accused me of getting sexual favours elsewhere and that I have always had a secret BF… I was gobsmacked. This goes back to last year when I found 2 Sports Direct vouchers in my purse that I hadn’t used. I wanted to go there to see if they were valid and to see how much was on them. I took my little girl (9 months at the time) in the car and went to SD and discovered I had £30 on each one so I spent about 25 mins choosing something for each of my 3 children for £20 each. During this time, My LO was getting increasingly sweaty and uncomfortable in her fluffy snow suit so I took it off her to make her feel better. I bought some stuff, and then got back in the car, leaving her snow suit off as she was warm. On the way home I stopped to get milk and bread from a supermarket and took my LO in without her coat. She was warm enough from being in the warm car. Then I went home to find my OH already home. He immediately questioned me to where I was.. even though I had receipts with times, and I was only gone an hour and a half at the most. He couldn’t contact me because my phone was silent in my bag and I don’t answer it when I am driving and wouldn’t have heard it. He said I NEVER let our baby have no coat and it was weird… and accused me of going to meet someone at their house or something. I explained repeatedly why she had no coat and he said I NEVER do it normally.. I said so what, she was HOT and sweaty so I removed it… why on earth would you come to this conclusion from that?????
    So this was last winter… and last night he randomly brought it up again. I cant say how many times I have had to defend myself.. tell him I am innocent and have NEVER met an ex behind his back and NEVER cheated. He wont believe me and it is making me feel worse.. I already have depression.. which has reduced my sex drive to hardly anything so this on top of it all makes him think I am getting it elsewhere… I am just not. I don’t know what to do and have no one to talk to. 🙁
    Is he ill himself? Insecure? Paranoid? Or secretly guilty of cheating on me himself? I have no answers to this

  3. So ive been in a relationship with the same man for 5 years . i have two kids with another guy and then me and him have a 3 year old and would like more if we make it through this a few months back i found a bag with porn videos, a few penis rings and condoms . We dont use condoms and i did not like the thought of porn because that wAS how i was raised. so naturally he would hide it .so i would not freak . well i was being a nose girlfried and i found the bag i instanlty assumed that he had cheated . he at first tried to calm me becauise i was going crazy but once he got me tocalm he made it seem like i did the hurt and he lost it with me i guess i broke the computer and i do remember throwing the coffe cup . So months down the road we are still fighting constantly because if i ask him if he was hiding something he would flip out and hate me and i was physco and tried to do him wrong,. let me tell you right now im madly in love with him and i wanted the assurance without the anger im a sentive indidivlual and i had started using drugs shortly after the porn incident. so now im off the drugs and i still get this gut feeling . jHe will call me names and all kinds of mean shit but i dont blame him if he has been 100% faithful. i also saw he had a zoosk ad always on the ads of facebook. he has girl after girl fter girl on all of his socal media and he has an ex that he says is such a hoe but yet he is following her . i found weird names in his snapchat but he dont know who it is, I dont know what i should think i honestly did not think he would ever but ever thing he does tells me different im not] longer aloud to touch his phone and he makes sure he hides the truck keys he keep his garage locked up but that is because that is my snooping spot and our child goes in there and distoys shit . what is going on

    1. My future everything all of a sudden is treating me totally opposite from the way he been doing me since we got together. He doesn’t want to sexually please me, make me feel loved, accusing me of cheating, being sneaky, etc. So to prove my loyalty to him, I changed my phone number & am trying to show him I’m for him, only him, just the same way I’ve always been.
      I can’t figure out, to save my soul, why is he treating me like this? I keep assuming that maybe it’s because he’s either cheating or is thinking about sneaking around with someone else.
      Anyone have anything that can help me realize what might be going on?

  4. So ive been in a relationship with the same man for 5 years . i have two kids with another guy and then me and him have a 3 year old and would like more if we make it through this a few months back i found a bag with porn videos, a few penis rings and condoms . We dont use condoms and i did not like the thought of porn because that wAS how i was raised. so naturally he would hide it .so i would not freak . well i was being a nose girlfried and i found the bag i instanlty assumed that he had cheated . he at first tried to calm me becauise i was going crazy but once he got me tocalm he made it seem like i did the hurt and he lost it with me i guess i broke the computer and i do remember throwing the coffe cup . So months down the road we are still fighting constantly because if i ask him if he was hiding something he would flip out and hate me and i was physco and tried to do him wrong,. let me tell you right now im madly in love with him and i wanted the assurance without the anger im a sentive indidivlual and i had started using drugs shortly after the porn incident. so now im off the drugs and i still get this gut feeling . jHe will call me names and all kinds of mean shit but i dont blame him if he has been 100% faithful. i also saw he had a zoosk ad always on the ads of facebook. he has girl after girl fter girl on all of his socal media and he has an ex that he says is such a hoe but yet he is following her . i found weird names in his snapchat but he dont know who it is, I dont know what i should think i honestly did not think he would ever but ever thing he does tells me different im not] longer aloud to touch his phone and he makes sure he hides the truck keys he keep his garage locked up but that is because that is my snooping spot and our child goes in there and distoys shit . what is going on

  5. I’ve been with my wife for 22 years. We started young and under tough circumstances with a young child. But we worked hard and loved one another and a few more kids and have a good life. However years ago, she started getting very distant with me and the kids, around the holidays which were her thing she seemed to not care at all ect. I talked with a coworker about it and they said “check the phone records”. Needless to say that for a couple months there was an extraordinary amount of texting between her and a classmate she met when she returned to college. I sat on that, not sure of what to do and continued to see if there was really something there. I did finally confront her and she was very quiet about it but insisted it was just a friendship and that it was my fault in part. It took a long time before we were through that, maybe still aren’t. A few years ago I had a younger woman at work start messaging me at work. It was 1 afternoon and I had gone out with some coworkers, which I never do and had some beers, and there were a couple flirty texts back and forth. Nothing came of it but in a time when I was really feeling bad someone made me feel some value. I was however busted for that one evening of exchanges and it became a big deal and felt like she was done with me. It was of course a huge mistake, however I swear that it was just that 1 evening of flirtation and that was it. We talked about it a lot and worked through many of those things and I also communicated feeling unresolved for her situation where she insists nothing happen although she did say the guy did try and kiss her. Ultimately, the breaking of trust is so difficult to overcome. Just this week or so she has gotten suspicious despite me doing nothing. I literally work all day, then I coach kids sports at night and I am otherwise home with her and the kids. On the other hand she is often out with friends and doing things regularly. She watches what I do like a hawk and deduces things that make no sense like the shirts I wear and things like that. I honestly put 0 thought into the clothes I wear and feel like she is projecting. In a way I wonder if something is going on with her or what…I am trying to be patient as I know and will readily admit I made a mistake (NEVER CHEATED) no matter how small and I have been there when trust is hard. But I am one of the most boring men and have 0 free time. My life revolves around my wife and my kids. When she wants to look at my phone I hand it right over but it feels like whenever we have a good day she has to ruin it by thinking I am up to something. The other day I simply got my phone in the morning and turned down the brightness while facing it away from her so I wouldn’t bother her and she interpreted that as me deleting texts. I am going to be patient, I always have been as we have so much history together most of it great, however I just am starting to worry that she wants it to be bad or she has something else in her heart.

    1. Surprisingly similar to my situation. SHOCKINGLY similar… Except she actually did cheat on me. But everything else is exactly what I am going through. I think you’re right, I’ve been saying that same thing to her for 2 years – that I think she likes to fight and argue with me. I don’t know what to do, it’s getting so bad and I’m NOT, nor have I ever cheated on her, but EVERYTHING I do she questions. We’ve been together for almost 9 years, but I’m starting to think that we simply might not make it after all….

  6. First off, my husband and I met 5 years ago. He was in another relationship, but I myself hadn’t been with anyone in months (6 or 7)… Well, for the first year if our relationship he would always leave me for days and go to her house, he continued to talk to her daily, even snuck and had her stay at his mother’s with him. He even went to jail because she was seeing someone else and he harassed her for it even tho he was with me!!! I stayed with him. Believing everything thing. Well here years later down the road I get accused daily of either cheating or wanting to cheat. If I look at someone, if I open my windows or doors, if I’m gone too long, if I am on my computer facing away from him… With the neighbors, with his friends, his sisters old man and his friends… At first I tried talking with him but it got to be an everyday thing. So now it is distancing our relationship and he thinks it even more. I don’t want to cheat on him and more importantly I have NEVER cheated on him. It’s not my nature to sleep around. Nor to fantasize about other men. Things are just getting out of hand and we are on the verge of splitting up. Bit it is not just him always thinking I am cheating… He always thinks the worst on everything. For example someone is lying, someone is out to get him, etc. He does have Bi Polar, I don’t know if that has anything to do with it because he will NOT get back on his meds so we haven’t found out if that is the reason for all this. I do honestly and truly love him with all my heart and have never felt this away about any other man. I just don’t want to split up but I know I do not deserve to be called all the names and the rest of the bad things I have to go thru because he thinks the way he does…

  7. Going thru the same thing, caught my husband cheating, he denies it even with hotel receipts in my hand and he says i am the one cheating. Be a man, you took it out of your pants and stuck it where it didnt belong now be a man an accept the consequecences.

    1. I had an affair with a woman 4 years ago who had been cheated on by her husband. I am not proud of myself but I did what I did and we fell head over heels. I had been friends with her for over a year before hand. After two months of sleeping together, we were on a romantic walk when all of a sudden, she accuses me of seeing another woman. I was so shocked. When I denied it, she said she had proof. She said her Iphone had been tracking my Samsung phone to a house on a road near to where I lived. I was livid and we got in the car and we drove straight round to the house that she said I was visiting. Well, I drove up, got out, and knocked on the door. No one home, but I had never been there in my life. She still wouldn’t believe me and shouted at me asking me what girls I knew. in a shock and panic, the first name that came into my head was Ingrid, a lovely friend who worked in the cafe at the bottom of the road. So she went in the cafe regularly and pretended to become Ingrid’s friend. Then she made me break up being friends with her and I wasn’t allowed to speak to my Ex either.To this day, she is still accusing me of seeing Ingrid even though I don’t know where she lives. I get angry so then I am always the one to buy flowers and apologize. She has never apologized to me for anything. But in between these accusations, we have a great time. Any ideas of how to get through to her cause at the moment, she wants me to get mental help!!!!

      1. This is coming from a real woman. The girl you describe sounds very toxic and unhealthy, as healthy women who love their partners will never EVER take them from their friends/family or any of that other crap. It also sounds to me like you’ve been making all of the effort, or nearly so. Since you sound like a caring man, and also seem the type that wants to make people happy, you deserve much better than that. Sadly this type of abusive behavior that you described from the woman you’re with goes both ways.

  8. I’ve been with my husband for 17 years, married for 7 of those years. When we first met I was not attracted to him, wanted nothing to do with him. I continued to see other people. He lived in NC I lived in WV. Well he found out that I was seeing someone else ( keep in mind we were not together) and got mad! He came back in from NC to see me anyway that following weekend. He was so nice and just treated me totally different than anyone else ever did. He took me out, bought things for me, paid for dinner, etc. I really enjoyed being with him. A few months later (January 2001) I moved to NC with him. That’s when things started to change…..I found out he was going through a separation with his now ex-wife. Then he began going to see his son (I did know about him from the beginning) after work. I didn’t really mind that but why couldn’t he just bring him to our place? His excuse was she wouldn’t let him. At first I understood. Then when I found me a job working 2nd shift, I’d come home and he’d be gone or down at the end of the apartments cooking out. If he was down at the end of the apartments cooking out with his buddies, I wasn’t allowed because it didn’t look right me being there with a bunch of men. Then my neighbor told me one night when I came home that she saw my sister!!! I said “MY SISTER??!!” She lives in Wisconsin (that’s where she lived at the time). I asked her to describe this woman…and I’ll be damned if it wasn’t his ex-wife!!!!! They weren’t there so I called him, he didn’t answer. So I called her home phone. She answers and puts him on. I asked him what the hell he’s doing there and he says he’s there visiting his son. So I just let it go for the moment. He comes home and of course we argue and he begins to tell me I’m trash, I’m no good, that I’ve been sleeping around with everyone… And keep in mind I’ve been in NC for a little over a year, I a few friends yes but not many to turn to and talk about my situation. Then about a week goes by and things are ok….one night he’s on the computer when I come in from work and I see an email from someone and it looks to be photos of an ultrasound. I go in the room further and he closes the window. I asked him what it was. He said it was just an email. Do the next day while he’s at work I got on and check his email and found it was an ultrasound. I questioned him again and he said she sent it just to show it to him…why would she do that if it wasn’t his??? He said she does stupid stuff like that, that’s how she is. Well in 2003 when I was 6 months pregnant with our first son he walks into our house with a 6 month old little boy!! It was his son with his ex-wife!!! He lied to me!!!! I went into the bedroom crying. All he told me was don’t be mad..all I could say was you’ve cheated on me for the first 3 years we’ve been together and saying you’re going to see your son then this 6 month old boy who your other son is thrown in my face and you don’t expect me to be mad??!!!

    Needless to say I forgave him…it wasn’t easy. I’ve had alot of people tell me I’m crazy! But now on and off he gets on these rants and raves when we get in arguments about anything… about money, the kids, the car not being clean to his liking, food being too salty for him, really anything stupid…he starts telling me I’m trash, I’m no good, I’m worthless, that I’ve been sleeping around, I go out to bars when he works out of town, says I pay other people’s bills and rent, he’s always checking/calling me to see where I’m at or where I’ve been. I don’t do that to him. He comes and goes as he pleases. If I do call him he gets mad. I can’t talk to him about anything. He always talks over me and starts yelling and gets defensive. We’ve been to marriage counseling once about 4 years ago, it helped some but when we stopped going he went back to the same old things. Now he yells he wants divorce and will sell the house…he’s made me so mad with all the accusing that I’ve smacked him across his face and thrown my phone at him.. and I just don’t want to do that

    I just don’t understand how he can do all these things. It hurts to have someone you care about accusing you constantly of things you haven’t done, calling you names, not showing affection. It really hurts

  9. Hi, I am a divorced from a 13th year marriage and I have a daughter. 1 and half years later I met this lady who is single mother. I am in sales and I sell premium cars. My partner or girlfriend is so jealous of one of my colleagues whom I am on a professional relationship works closely, We don’t go out except for breakfast when we are at work sometimes we meet customers at the showroom. That it. My partner thinks I am having an affair with Ms. S. Ms S is a mother of two. My Gf has baggage that she refuse to talk about and even lies to me about her past relationships which is indirectly in my current life. My Gf checks my phone sends her pictures of us pictures together and calling her names using my phone and sometimes hers, which has cause an ambarrasment for me with my colleagues and even my bosses knows about this. Everyday when I am a little late due to traffic and late customers I get accused of having fun and not working. I have told her many times that I am not cheating and neither am having another women in my life. I pay for most of the time when we go out including half her rent where the full amount is paid by her son’s father who is not her ex lover. She was married but had a son with another man. She has not come clean with on this. I even got her a job cause she was not working and just taking hand outs here and there.

    My situation has come to an extend that she wants me to report to her before I do everything. She is always suspious and will peek into my phone and my things. But hold on to her phone with her dear life and if I don’t she thinks I have strayed. She thinks that I have a quickies with all my female friends. I have been broken after my divorce where I was the left behind spouse. She is a very jealous lady and she even get jealous when I hug my niece. Her roubles in her past relationships are self inflickted. Despite knowing what kind of baggages she has I have choose her and I love her. Now I am in a dilemma weather to continue or to move on. I can’t take it as it effects my performance at work and I am feeling very frustrated and depressed.

    Are there anyone here who can shed some light as to what I should do.

    In a Dilemma

    1. It’s funny cause the same exact things your saying about your girlfriend… My boyfriend does… I can’t even look around a room without him thinking I’m looking at some guy.. Which I never do.. My boyfriend goes thru my phone and keeps a lock on his.. We been together a year.. I never experienced this before do I happen to do some research on this behavior and here I find this… I’m so stressed and depressed right now.. I love him but this is killing me to be accused of something that’s far from your mind… There’s got to be something diagnosed with people like this… There’s no happiness in it.. Your literally walking on eggshells all the time… What am I to do…

  10. I am going through the same thing. I am in a relationship with a man who won’t stop saying that I’m cheating. I met him right after his divorce but he lied to me and told me that he was never married. Just yesterday we had a huge fight of him accusing me of cheating. He has cheated on me with over 4 women and one woman as of today is coming after him for child support for a baby he has yet to take the DNA test. I’m so frustrated because I love him but I’m not going to admit to something that I’m not doing. It got so bad that he now wants to check my underwear he checks my phone he looks through my phone at technical things that he doesn’t even have any idea what it means. I don’t know what to do. I sometimes think that he just wants to see me fail. I’m so frustrated and I’m so depressed what I really want to do is grab my children and don’t tell him where I am.

    1. I have been this type of pearson and it’s ruined my life. I have never trusted anyone to date and i lost everyone i love. In my eyes there are many types of men, there is the lying cheating type and the honast loving type also many more but these are the main 2. I was always accused i was paranoid because I was cheating but only i know myself I was loyal. I think a cheat will always be a cheat and maybe in this case it’s because he has or he is cheating. Then there is the oher type (me) someone who needs help someone who is so insecure because they have been hurt before. If he is the second type please just give him help. When you think it and see it in your head it feels like it’s really happening it hurts so much and everone think your a bad controlling pearson but your just hurt. You love too much, so much hat you want the same back and if you don’t get it back it scares you. Your scared someone better is going to come and take your place, all you want is to be with them all the time u don’t want to risk them cheating so you become insecure and controlling all this is to prevent what you don’t what to happen from happening. I don’t want to go through what i did in the past with someone who i know I really love. It destroys both lives and they need help and they need you to help. It’s all about preventing them from cheating becaue you just can’t take that but this makes you seem very controlling. I need help I have knowone to help me my gf left me and im on the blink of committing suicide I just can’t live like this. Like i said once u think it u believe it’s happens but you love them too much to leave them so your just hurt. I have never in my life cheated i messaged a girl once and it was biggest misstske ever but Iv never cheated and I am insecure, some of this is becaus of my exes previous history and relationships and things she’s told me the rest is being hurt before and no wanting it again. Cheating once is once this but 4 times I think you should leave him. If he handnt cheated Id say help him and love with all you have that’s all i ever wanted

      1. Wow, it’s brave of you to admit your faults. I’m also in a very similar situation. I have been married to my husband for 2 years. But we have known each other for over 30 years. I moved to another country to be with him I left a great job, my home and gave up so much to be with him. When we first started dating he always accused me of cheating . I kept saying to myself ok once we get married things would be better.Things got worse. Even though I moved to his country we are still separated because of his work he comes home often though. If he calls and I don’t answer the phone. He starts calling the house phone and cell phone like a mad man. Then when we do talk he will want me to video the apartment. And this upsets me bc I told him I’m not doing anything and I definitely didn’t give up my entire life to come over here and cheat. Anybody that he thinks is getting my attention more than him rather it be male or female he accuses me of cheating. He has come home several times trying to catch me doing something and has caught nothing because I’m not doing anything. I was also taking care of his 4 year old daughter from a previous relationship.i just gave her back to her mom because I told him I was leaving him, so he tries to make me feel guilty by saying I got rid of her so I can cheat.When he gets mad at me he will cut me off from all of the money. I have been living like this for almost 2 years now and I’m tired. And even though I never gave him a reason to think anything he says it’s bc of the way I act sometimes but he can’t tell me what it is so that I can correct my actions. I’m in the process of moving back to the states now to get myself together and hopefully he will see what he is about to lose before it’s too late.

    2. I had the same problem he was unfaithful 3 times
      he would always fight with me accusing me I was always blamed and I finally realized A cheater is always a cheater I suffer because I love him but he was Kill me I couldn’t take it no more I love him and after year and met a guy and we got married And now I’m married for 22 year best thing that ever happened and took me with my 5 kids

  11. About Accused of Cheating and You’re Not? Firstly, I have a beautiful wife and she is 14yr younger, so I do get jealous. Well, Good married friends of ours…husband & wife…friends for about 10yrs+. We both have parties at our homes, kids play together, go camping, etc. Good friends. Well, lately my friend husband stopped texting me and instead started texting my wife. Ok, in years ago, I wouldn’t text back right away and he would always have more conversation with my wife than me, and he is interesting…so he is a friend, but my wife loves them equally. So I started texting back to the husband whenever he sent a text to me since last year. Recently, my wife said that the husband friend was texting her about a trip with the kids. I looked at my iPhone to see if he sent the text to me. No text. Then my little brain started going. Then I saw the many texts on my wife’s iPhone from the husband, so I sent a strong text to my husband friend, saying: “why are you texting thru my wife?…if you want to tell me someting, send it to my iPhone.” A few days later, I saw a text from my husband friend to my wife, saying “did you see the dirty picture?”, my wife said “I wished I saw it.”…which bothered me a bit, but thought it should be innocent…then my husband friend responded: “Stop by and I’ll show it to you.” When I saw what he said, made be very upset, since I thought it was inappropriate text. I asked my wife to talk about it. Well she blew up, probably because about 7 years ago we went to a party at the Husband & Wife friends house…I went home and she slept in their home because she drank too much. I didn’t like it at all…with my wife sleeping in another man’s house while drunk. His wife and kids were in their house. A Huge fight! Now I believe that I was wrong and I accused her. So there is some history. Well, back in the future! When I mentioned what I call an inappropriate text, we had a BIG fight, both of us blew up and she left the house, and hasn’t returned in 7 days! Can a professional tell me if I am wrong with insecurities and guilty of false accusations? I want my wife back. If I’m wrong, any advice to get her back & love me again?

    1. Of course she’s gonna blow up at you when you mention anything about his and her so called friendship…dude she is boinking him on the slick…and where in the hell do ya really think she has been for 7 days???…come on man…being nice or even being a total dick…you deserve the truth…and to be honest…you already know the truth

  12. Wow. I see so many similarities in these stories. Ive been with my husband for 17 years and he has been a serial cheater, yet occasionally accusing me of cheating. 6 years ago we seperated when he ran off with his friends wife for 2 months. I was pregnant with twins and eventually went into preterm labor at 26 weeks. We reconciled at that time, but unfortunately our boys passed away at 2 and 3 weeks old. For the last 6 years, i have gone through almost daily accusation of cheating with every male. His friends, his brothers, my coworkers, the neighbors, anyone. I have been extremely transparent. He goes through my phone for hours at a time. He has all my emails and passwords, even my voicemails get sent to his phone as well. We havevhuge fights on a regular basis. I truly love this man with all my heart and have never even been tempted to cheat on him. Not just my love for him, but also my integrity level is too high. I WOULD JUST NEVER DO THAT! additionally, he has continued to cheat by both communication with other women and physically meeting them. I have found 6 different disposable cell phones in the last 2 years. We seperate, i believe all his lines about how hes not going to do it again, and we reconcile. We currently have been seperated for almost 3 weeks this time. He initially blamed me for him talking to this other woman, stating that hes only doing it because im doing it and wont tell him the truth and its torturing him. I am a wise enough woman to know that he is projecting his own guilt on me and has poor self esteem, feels unlovable and cant imagine why i want to stay with him when he treats me the way he does. Over the last 2 weeks the attempts at reconviliation have been different then begore, he admitted to things readily, did things to earn my trust and requested both marriage counseling and individual counseling. Said he is so afraid to lose me and doesnt deserve me, he will do whatever it takes. So, i get the bright idea to schedule a polygraph test for myself. Im innocent, never cheated in any way shape or form, so it will give his mind some relief from the torture and we can start working on things with that part settled. I scheduled the polygraph, paid for it and insisted on it. I was so excited that i would finally get a reprieve from these constant accusations and that he would stop torturing himself. The day of the polygraph came and he went with me. I was so prepared for that magic box to prove to my husband i have never cheated. I took the test and was extremely anxious, every time the examiner asked the questions about cheating my anxiety level went through the roof. I even told her something wasnt right. But nonetheless, i left her office at peace and anxiously awaited the call proving to my husband that i wasnt a “skank” or “cheating whore”. Lo and behold a few hours later i got the call i was so excited to get from the polygraph examiner, the results tjat would vindicate me and stop the emotional and verbal abuse so we could get to work on the real issues. Imagime my shock, while driving down the highway at 75 mph when the polygraph examiner informed me that i had failed. Not only failed, but failed miserably. How could this be? I told the truth!! I have never cheated in any way!! My husband and my children are the center of my world! I would never do that! How does this happen? Why did this magic truth box say i was lying??? This all feels so surreal to me, like a bad movie. Now my husband believes that i cheated and has proof in a failed lie detector. He is begging me to just admit to it and tell him what happened so we can work on things. How can i do this when theres nothing to tell. He says if i dont admit to what ive done our marriage is over. I really and truly have no idea what to do!!!

    1. Wow…you failed the polygraph! I have gave serious thought of getting a polygraph to show my husband I wasn’t cheating on him either, but after reading your results I’m gulping. My husband of almost 8 years accuses & questions me of cheating (I had in the past) he sends my facebook notifications to his phone, gets call & sms backup & restore, gets my google download data & puts it on the laptop, has even had my calls forwarded to his phone. I sometimes think he wants to leave me & doesn’t want to be the one to initiate it so he digs & digs for a reason. Or I think he is or has thought about it to the point he wants to shift the guilt & blame on me. I hate to hurt like I do. I’m sorry your going through what you are, especially after the polygraph. Maybe yous anxiousness played a part? I know I’d be anxious to do a polygraph as well, maybe to the point I fail it too. My husband also tells me I need to admit to things so we can make it better. He’s also told me to tell satan I didn’t cheat & burn with him. God is the only one who knows (& the ppl he accuses me of having something to do with). Hope things get better.

    2. Who did the polygraph? how much did it cost. I would complain to the organisation when you know you have told the truth.
      I am in the same situation it cost my hubby nearly £600 they came to the house. I passed but my hubby of 46 years dosent believe it. he thinks I’m such a liar I can con the polygraph test.

    3. Wow! My boyfriend wanted me to get a polygraph to prove I’m not cheating, which I agreed to, and I was terrified of this happening! I even told him that I feel like I’ll get so nervous about the possibility of my anxiety throwing it off that I’ll actually throw it off, which of course he took as I know I’m going to fail because I am, in fact, cheating and he was right all along. Needless to say I never took it and it hasn’t been brought up in a long time. Other things have happened to prove him wrong such as the person he thought I was cheating with actually passed away a few years ago and I just found out about it (long story). But its STILL not good enough for him, I must have been cheating with someone else then. what the actual f*ck

  13. I am a man in my mid twenties at this time. I hold a strong love for a woman I was unable to take care of. BPD and schizophrenic not a nice combo. She loved me and treats me great until I call her out on things we would all call unfair in a relationship.

    Her excuse I neglected her and gave her less love. My reason, everyday and night I was a cheating liar. I allowed her full access to my email Facebook and phone. I was hiding nothing.

    But crazy people use random things to accuse you. Like Facebook. Look I despise social media…. she loved it. Said I cant see or have girls. For you… Ok.

    Guys for you… no uhh…

    Calls me a cheater.
    She gets less love. Because I am getting mentally destroyed.

    Even men get accused. I had a severe mental breakdown. Only because I told the truth.

    She was allowed to keep all of her old friends on social media outlets. Some she even dated or slept with.

    I revoked all social outlets to prove a point.

    Still I am a cheating liar. I can cry myself to sleep because I gave everything to one person.

    I turned into a horrible person because I tried to hurt myself and really did.

    I wasn’t able to govern my anger from false accusations.

    Walks in woods turns my head a female is walking by. I know what’s gonna happen.

    I am a piece of shit. Because I accidentally saw another female.

    So no matter what I was sexually checking out any woman.

    But if it’s an ugly girl she in her head judged less attractive or older. No issues.

    I hate life. I was accused of infidelity every day because other woman exist.

    I am an introvert and she was my first real girlfriend. I still don’t comprehend.

    Turned out she cheated on me and used that as an excuse to do so and keep doing so.

    As I was and still am faithful.

    I am unlikely to find another girlfriend ever again.

    It took 24 years to get one. But… I was cheating on her… ironic..

    1. I have been going through this daily for over a year now. Have been married for 18 years. He was always jealous but it has become unbearable. I have no privacy, no friends and no family left. The only person I can talk to us his mother. I’m so depressed and alone. I’m ashamed of myself for allowing it. I know this is an abusive relationship. I love him with all my heart and believe in “through good times and bad, in sickness and health”. He is sick mentally. But I am living in hell. I feel like I’m so deep into this situation there is no way out. I just burrow deeper inside myself and accept the pain and loneliness.

      I know you are hurting because you think you will never find anyone else, but even if that were true, you are better off alone than in an abusive relationship. Now if only I could take my own advice…

      1. Wow that sounds like my situation right now. N im seeing all the warning signs now with why I don’t have friends. I love him but I hate how our relationship to me feels like he has all the power. N trys to control me. I know what ur saying with taking ur own advice. I would tell people leave but personally I feel so lost at the thought of where do I go and it would be so stressfull to separate. But I know deep down it’s a horrible cycle of menipulation.

  14. I have been with my fiance for 9 yrs now and we have 3 children 6/3/4months old. April 16 2016 he came out nowhere and accused me of cheating and several other things since April he left us over 25x. He was hospitalized n diagnosed with phychosis n bi polar n denies it. No treatment. I was pregnant at the time. He accused me of sleeping with so many people including his brothers and I have never even thought of cheating on him. He wanted DNA tests of the kids so I did that and of course they were his. There is no other option. The baby was the one not tested yet which I am working on but he wants the boys re tested he says because they were done at home he doesn’t trust them. I have nothing to hide so I am fine with that. I have isolated myself so he can’t think I’m doing anything wrong even tho I never have he doesn’t want to go to work in fear of me cheating on him when reay the highlight of our day is him coming home from work. This is hard because our relationship was never like this. I was happy I thought he had given me all I wanted which was to be a mommy n to be loved. He was a hard working man with goals I was willing to move wherever he wanted n he was a great guy. This whatever it is has ruined him. I need some kind of help here from someone anyone who has dealt with the same or similar situation. I feel lost. Thank u n I’ll pray for each n every one of you

    1. Hi, you are not the only one. I am married for 13 years now with 4 kids and I am being accused of cheating. He did say the the kids are not his. Always matching me with any men on the street, in the neighborhood, at the grocery store, the mall you name it. Sometimes I feel like I am so angry at him I could …, Other time I just let it go telling myself that he is crazy. I don’t want to divorce him, but what are my options?

    2. Did u manage to sort ot out? What did u do? Any advice would be appreciated. I’m going through the same thing. I fell pregnant early on in the relationship but its what we both wanted so we got married. Other than the accusations and doubts we are so happy. He is lovely and treats me like a princess but he just can’t seem to accept that its him I want and only him. I’ve never given him any reason to doubt me at all and I’ve nothing in my past to make him think I’m like that. I’m a good girl I stay home and keep to myself. He just questions everything like for example there’s a stain on the floor or there’s a mark on my arm. What can I do to make him realise that I haven’t so much as looked at anyone else and never will. We’ve sat and talked and he promises to change but then he comes home from work and it starts all over again. Its spoiling what is an otherwise perfect relationship. Also im 8 months pregnant.

    3. Hey jaimi just was looking through replys and found this one. My husband is currently in jail accusing me of cheating. Our first daughter he wanted me to get a dna test got one done go figure turned out it was his 3 years later we got pregnant again our second daughter he said well how can you get pregnant after sleeping with me for 2 nights i said ok then get one. Never did but he throws it in my face been with this man for 7 years and married him. I do take a beating emotionally and like you i turn to his mom but it doesnt fix the situation. My husband has older kids and said that if he doesnt stop it im leaving then he throws in the guilt trip. I get so much advice well just talk to him blah blah well itdoesnt always work. We have had our ups and downs. But i do not like being accused of cheating when im not. You know what i do every night i pray to God that he guides me to finding a solution and it works. It may not be the one i like but it works. I hope this helps l. Your a strong and beautiful woman and God knows the truth and will be there to guide you.

  15. I feel for all of you ladies and just to say we’re not all the same. My wife accuses me of cheating all the time and honestly I’m getting tired of it too. She also makes me beg for sex and we’ll I’m tired of it too. I’ve never been hit by her but I’m guessing it’s because she know I will defend my self. Ill usually just ignore her. I really dont find the need to fight if i have done nothing wrong. Ive also tryed to explain it to her. So yeah.

    1. My husband has left me repeatedly over the years. It’s almost like I have been fighting for him to stay are whole marriage. Last time he left he told me he wasn’t attracted to me and he wasn’t in love with me. I believed him because of his constant distance there is a big lack of sex and affection. All he dose afterwork is watch TV. I spent years never leaving the house so I could be with him. It was rare but I spent every day waiting to catch a glimpse of love and affection. Often when I asked I was debied. He has missed whole days at work telling me he is there. When I find out he tells me he is in his car all day. He is angry when drinking and I use to tell my self its the beer but he only acts mean to me in private so he can control it when others aren’t around. I’ve​ seen him hugged up with two girl’s. I’m not sure what to do so for the first time in 7 years i need a brake. Now all of the sudden I’m cheating. Or sexting other guys. The thing is when he left the last time I thought he was gone for good I did text another guy but I told him about it and told him it’s because I believed he never wanted to see me a giant but I stopped when we decided to work it out. But now he checks my phone he accuses me of everything I’m not doing like I just feel like I can’t fix this. I was glad to hear all these stories this they are a bit different they have similarities.

  16. Sixteen years of marriage. Have been falsely accused repeatedly of having other men to the point I just rather stay home and not go out. Have been threatened with a loaded gun, called motherfucker in front of our 3 kids, he likes to smash stuff in the house when mad, talks about lewd things he thinks ive done with other men in front of our children. Have been kicked out of the house twice. He has threatened to kill my friends because they ‘helped me cheat’. He has gone storming to my parents, screaming about their fucking cheating daughter. He has had me followed to confirm that i am where I say I am. Even after just staying at home all the time, he started accusing me of flirting with men of Facebook where my family and friends chat (he refuses to join as it is ‘evil’). Went for 1 coffee with an old friend in Starbucks during lunch in a crowded mall; two days later, he is screaming I slept with him. Introduced my cousin to a girlfriend to help him get business; he claims i have an improper relationship (ie i’m sleeping with him) with my cousin wtf. And these are only some of the things he has said and done to me, so much more! Stayed all these years because after every accusation, he would break down and cry about how much he loved me. I also didn’t have the heart to break the family up. Two weeks ago, he finally beat me so bad in front of my 10 and 11 year old boys, that i had to make a police report and go to the hospital. After which he has kicked me out of the house i paid for, and is telling everyone i provoked him so I deserved it. I am getting a divorce now. Oh, and I have cancer. All I have learned from these wasted 16 years is that nothing ever changes. That all professions of love are delusional and manipulative. Am depressed. Don’t go down this road like me, i’m so stupid. Get out before it reaches the beating.

    1. My heart goes out to you..((hug)) where do I married to this man who accuses me if so much..he’s hit me hurt me..words injure the soul..I to cannot go the the store or in public without him accusing me of lusting.he tells me my neighbors don’t like me and people around us..whish is so untrue..he doesn’t even want me to talk on the fine with my daughter..I’m in Ohio she’s in Jersey..he has. Hit me with a belt his it’s a year and tonight couldn’t find his fine..blamed me..said I was going through it. so tired.. needless to say he found it. Said he was sorry..yeah worn out tired.only a year..

    2. Good thing you are getting out alive..I am sorry you have cancer… Not all men are the same as him. I have been married twice and I was not the one cheating. Sorry for your misfortune.. God Bless…

    3. I am so very sorry to hear all this!!!! Specially children involved. Dealing with same kind of thing at moment. We have been together for almost four years. His children who I love from previous marriage no divorce. Do you know who Jesus Christ is? He loves you very much, died for you and I. Start a special personal relationship with Jesus and be sincere. .your life will make a total 360 for better!!! My fiancé thinks Im cheating on his son whos 10 years old. I saw the email and then supposivly I am on FB,tweet, and instagram. I use to haves FB. How we met. . but haven’t been on it. He gets on his and mine. And gets verify and security codes from my phone n gets on his doing Lord knows what. Pretty messed up. Won’t believe a word I say. When I met him I was bad alcoholic and took picture n sent it to male and now regretting it for restof my life and paying for it. We have gotten physical before. But not around kids. Im scared. No job,license, car, money, haven’t worked since 2014. Attached to his son and worried about him going back to his druggie moms or coocoo grandparents. I can move in with my sister who lives with her BFF and my nephew at there friends house. Scared and worried. .I love him just sick of BS. Had 6 surgery’s in past 3 years on ovaries and he doesn’t have decency to let me heal. 🙁 hurts all time.tries to go in #2-NO GO!!! Were in separate rooms and only fighting. When we talk seems like. In middle of trying to get my daughter who just got out of foster custody since her gmaa got caught selling method with my daughter in car!!! Signed my rights away we I was 22 and ex husband was going to prison. Worst mistake I have ever done…but ya. Givingit till Friday with my fiancé then leaving if so. .every question or comment makes me want to leave tho…

    4. Wow I feel for you. So sorry about that. I am reading your story and I feel like you are talking about me. What can I do?

    5. Oh my goodness babe, Leave!! And. Never go back! How have you healed after the beating?? He kicked YOu out of the house you paid for!? You have to be kidding!!
      Girl, it is hard (much less so than in the previous years..) to get kids or a house taken away from a mama. Unless you’re a crackhead or shoot up heroin, terrible things along those lines, your so called husband can beat your ass in front of your 10 and 11 year old, try to tell you to leave, have the cops called and you darling will never be the one in the wrong again.
      Your husband is manipulative and controlling you, you should have never left your home. Your kids will more than likely testify on your behalf.
      Dont leave, that house is yours. You have done nothing wrong. Call the cops, get him gone and take care of your babes. Trust me.

  17. I am going to try to make this as short and sweet as possible for an almost 34 year story.

    I will have been with my husband for almost 34 years in May 2017, married 29this past December. From the start, he accused me of cheating and has controlled my every waking moment. If he doesn’t tell me to do it, I don’t. If he doesn’t tell to go, I don’t go. He doesn’t like if my tops don’t cover my backside and he hates that I wear makeup. He is a very reclusive person, and doesn’t even like to spend family time with our now grown sons and their wives. It hurts me because there are grandchildren now and if he doesn’t want to go, I can’t either. When my youngest was going to get married, his fiancé invited me to go dress shopping with her. I had told my husband well in advance about going, and he never responded. So the day came, I got ready and went to say “see you later.” He says “Where are you going?” I’ve told you every week that I was invited to go dress shopping but you never said yes or no. He spouts off “Oh, so now you can do whatever you want now, huh?” I told him that when he doesn’t say one way or the other, it doesn’t help. Lots of things were said, I ended up locking myself in my room with a gun and he went to get the car and told me to drive safe. I almost didn’t go because I didn’t want it to be because he said it was ok, but I wasn’t going to sit in the house all day with him either, so I did end up going and had the greatest time ever. He also decided he was going to prohibit me from going to California when my other son was going to have a life threatening surgery. His thoughts were “what can you do by going down there, you aren’t a doctor?” I finally told him that if I didn’t get to go and something happened to my son and I never got to see him again, I would remind him every morning, noon and night that it was his fault that I didn’t get to say goodbye to my son. He has no sense of what family is. What pain a mother goes through. The same son is a Marine and went to Afghanistan a couple years before the surgery, and my husband couldn’t understand why I was so distraught when I wouldn’t hear from him for weeks. He would literally get mad at me and tell me to stop being a bitch. It’s like he’s jealous of anyone that takes my attention away from him, including family. It’s sad because I have grandchildren now and I always wanted girls and my two grand babies are girls. His accusations of cheating are ridiculous. He accuses me of cheating, but I don’t go anywhere that he isn’t with me. I go to work and straight home. He has accused me of cheating with men at work, neighbors, doctors, men that are our boys dads and even our boys friends. He gets mad at me because there is a doctor that he says he is embarrassed to go to because of me. He says that I had some kind of relationship with the doctor’s sons. Now, every time we drive by the clinic he throws it in my face. I’ve told him many times that he is totally welcome to embarrass himself, but for a different reason, I didn’t do anything, so he would be making an ass of himself. But I don’t care. I’m getting so sick of all of the accusations. I have made statements to him to let him know that he has pushed me to my limits. I’ve threatened my life, and he doesn’t give a shit. And I’ve came to the conclusion that he isn’t worth my life. My kids & my grandkids are though, so I need to figure out a way out of this hell I’m living. I work, but not enough to support myself with several medical problems. We own two homes, but he has threatened to kick me out if I leave him. He says “Have fun, enjoy your life, but I’m not going to let you win.” The house we currently live in was willed to me by my grandfather, but it’s in both our names, the other house we have a mortgage on and I don’t care about, I just want my family’s home. I don’t want him to get it. I don’t know what to do?! My health is all over the place because of the stress. HELP!!! Any ideas???

    1. A house isn’t worth it to fight leaving your husband. You have to be tough and start caring for yourself. There’s no other way around this. Do this for yourself. Leave!

      1. What eats at me is that I’ve never done any of the things he accuses me of doing! And during one of his rants, he kept yelling “enjoy what you are doing, but I’m not going to let you win.” I’m not winning either way, but I also don’t feel like he should win by pushing me out the door for nothing, just because he “says” I did all of those things or because he’s so insecure about himself?

        I know that either way I lose, no matter what I do, that’s why it’s so hard for me.

        Thanks for the words of encouragement. Sometimes I think I’m wrong for wanting to leave this mess, but I also can’t keep going on like this or I’m not sure what may happen.

        1. Hi A Mac

          I hope you managed to leave, you are not wrong for wanting to leave, we have to treat ourselves with respect and love above anything else, that means not allowing yourself to be controlled and manipulated by others to our own detriment, is not healthy for children (no matter how old they are) to see yourself and your husbands relationship as a marker for a healthy relationship between parents. We are always stronger that we think we are. You sound like a loving parent and you need to be in control of your own life. I wish you best of luck and I truly hope you have found the inner strength needed to make the right decision.

      1. He used to be physically abusive, now its mental and emotional. I’m not sure if that counts in the laws eyes as abuse and is grounds for granting me my home. But what I do know, is that no human being should treat or say the degrading things he has said to me. The worst part about it is, I know there is a good person somewhere inside him. But as the years go by, he gets more aggressive in his thoughts and the fights get more aggressive. His new accusation is that I’ve had coffee with a certain guy during the week, just because I had charges on one of my credit cards from a few years back, that occurred during the week. What he fails to acknowledge, “we” (my husband & I) would meet for coffee before he would go and referee soccer games. But how can I prove it to him when it happened over 3 years ago and I don’t have the schedules anymore?! I can’t, so I’m screwed. I have documented several of the verabal fights that we have had, dates & content, in hopes that it will help me someday with getting out. All I do know is, every fight and accusation pushes me closer to the finish line.

        1. Get out now. I understand you don’t want to lose that house, but get out. He won’t keep it eithed. The worst that could happen is you sell it and split it, but try to record some of the arguments between y’all. When he is being mentally abusive. Find a lawyer and explain the situation. You have a really good chance of keeping the house. But regardless of the outcome you will be signing your death certificate of you stay with that man.

    2. Have you tried praying? Jesus Christ died for us on cross so we could be sin free. Dont worry about the house. Only material things! Your kids will help I pray if it comes down to that. I will be praying for you! Love you sister!

    3. Lawyer! Please go see a lawyer. Many offer free consultations so look for those, obviously don’t tell your husband you are going.. but tell your lawyer about everything you just said and if they are good they will tell you your options. You are not stuck!!

  18. Trust and communication are always important. When a couple lacks of these two things, there’s no point for a relationship to take place and this is the proof of it.

    1. Trust and communication ARE key to a relationship, but they have to exist one BOTH sides. I trust my husband and communicate with him all the time, but the other side of the coin is his communication is full of accusations of me cheating on him, and I’m not. We have been together for almost 34 years and I’m exhausted and I feel like I’m going insane. I feel like I’ve wasted all these years hoping that some day he would finally get it, but that day never comes. And in the meanwhile I’ve sacrificed my happiness and sanity, not what I signed up for when I got married to spend my life suffering in silence. I know it says “for better, for worse” but I’ve more worse than better in my lifetime with him. Some days I feel like I have nothing to live for, but others I see all I have to live for, my grown boys, their wives and my amazing granddaughters. So I DO have more than my husband to live for and they are my saving grace.

      1. This is true. Trust and communication must exist on both sides. Otherwise, no relationship can prosper. In your case, you definitely need to leave your husband based on the situation that you exposed previously. That isn’t healthy to live under such environment.

      2. My god I am living in the same life for the last 40 years I always felt I am on my own every day off the week he says I am having it off with everyone and he never wants to do anything with me and he never wants to visit his kids he expects them to come to us the whole time even the grandkids he won’t do anything with their is lots of days I just feel like given up I know now he is never going to change so I just put up with it every day i wait for the horrible things he says to me to him I have been riding every man around reading your story has made me realise there is other men like him out there it must be a sickness

        1. I am sorry that you too are living in the same hell as me. Our husbands sound so alike. I swear my husband has ADHD, he can’t sit still for 5 minutes. But he can be sitting watching a game on TV, I tell him that our son (that lives over 500 miles away) is coming over, all of a sudden we have to go somewhere. Once we even passed each other as he was driving to our house. And New Years Eve, we had made dinner plans to eat out with my boys and their wives. Then on that Saturday my husband tells me that he doesn’t want to go out and eat, leaving me with the task of telling everyone that we weren’t going out with them. What he didn’t expect for me to tell them was the “why”. I usually end up making excuses when he doesn’t want to do things, not this time. I end up saying I have a headache or I’m not feeling well to cover for him. I’m done with making excuses and putting on a smile when things aren’t okay. We should be able to be happy spending time with our families, and if our husbands don’t want to, who cares. We have to be stronger than they are and I’m sure that our families would not abandon us, if they only know (and they do) what we are going through. We don’t have to feel alone, because we aren’t. As I get stronger and learn more about what is happening to me and why, I’m finding that it is more common than you think. But we can’t allow ourselves to be abused and manipulated into accepting this treatment. We deserve respect and love, but first m we must love and respect ourselves. Without those two things, we have nothing. The men we are with are never going to give use the respect & love we deserve. Much love, stay strong! Remember that your husband can’t break that the bond between you and your children, its stronger than he is.

  19. hello there i have been married for 6yrs now. my wife has trust issues and i think it has destroyed our life. she has been accusing me of cheating on her with the house help and she has even our daughter of 4yrs saying that she say me. i have never cheated on her not even thought of it. She has a bad relationship with my parents and she always dwells on the past. i love her so much and rely want a bright future but i dont know how to move on.

  20. My boyfriend and i have been dating for 4 years. We moved in together just after a few weeks of dating. Shortly after I moved in, he started accusing me of hooking up with his friends. He constantly told me I was staring at them. He didnt like that I never had girlfriends over, and I was always surrounded by guys. But I had just moved back to my home town and became so consumed with him, I never got the chance to connect with any women. The friends that I did have were not interested in coming over for several reasons. The house was really messy, there were drugs in the house, and they didnt approve of the relationship. The more time I spent with my bf, the further away I became from my friends. From the moment I met him I have been in love. I am so obsessed and oogly googly in love, I would never dare look at another man, let alone cheat. Something about him just makes my heart sing. He is very loving when he is not accusing me. I dont do drugs and rarely drink, he dabbles with several drugs and has drinks after work everyday for happy hour at a near by restaurant/bar. The accusing gets bad, really bad. He makes up stories how i have fucked at least 5 of his closest friends. But he sees and talks to these people everyday! He doesnt say anything to them and refuses to let me bring it up to them saying he will be humiliated . he put me in a rock and a hard place. He wont believe me that im innocent, but he wont let me show him the proof by involving anyone else in the issue. its everyday accusing. In the past 4 years, there has been about 5 times I went out with my friends alone. When Im alone with them they are so excited to see me out and they are making shots, and want me to do kaoake, and be wild. I am not used to drinking so 3 beers im drunk. I ended up spinning and either passing out on my friends couch, or eating pizza after the bars close and chugging water untill i felt safe to drive home. I came home those 5 times between the hours of 5-7 still drunk and angry. When I drank I felt mad that he accuses, mad that he keeps me away from my friends, mad that he does drugs, mad that he just wont stop accusing me of staring at men and cheating on him when he gets up to go to the bathroom for 2 minutes. I yelled at him and slammed doors. But he thinks i did those things because i must have been with a man cheating on him. I dont care to cheat. I dont want to. I am so in love with him and only him. Now at this point when i get accused of staring or cheating I just lose it. I tell him to shut up and i am tired of hearing it. I took this garbage for years and I want it to end. He says its heartless to yell at him when he is the one hurt. I tell him that doesnt count if he invented the hurt. He sounds so insane thinking that his girlfriend who loves him and all of his best friends have conspired behind his back to have a big orgy. Should I just call his friends and let them know he thinks this? he says if i do he wont talk to me. I need someone else to know how crazy this is. His friends have no idea that he thinks these things and yells at me everyday. He is devestated over these false accusations though, and it deeply saddens me to see real tears and sadness over something THAT NEVER HAPPENED. Sometimes I think his deep paranoia comes from drug use, but he gets so mad when i say this. I have offered to take a lie detector test, to call his friends on speaker and let him hear our conversation so he can see that there is nothing to hide. I offer eveything as proof i would never do that. Im convinced he is faithful. i never question that. but my mother thinks that if someone is accusing you its out of guilt that they did it. He does go to that bar for an hour every day, but sometimes I show up and he is always alone reading the paper. so i dont know when he would be cheating. I do think he deletes messages on his phone, but i think its drug related. because i yell at him if i find them. He is not abusive physically, just mentally, but it really isnt all the time. there are two sides of him. he is so sweet and kind to me and loving half the time, and the other he is either mad or sad accusing me of some ridiculous story. what is going on? why does he think this? why cant he trust me? can anyone think of a way I can prove my innocence? Im so drained and depressed. exhausted.

    1. OMG this is my story EXACTLY. 6, almost 7 years of this. Except there’s no drugs involved, and I have NEVER been out with girlfriends, got drunk, and come home between 5 and 7. To avoid this exact situation, I (a) quit a job I loved which involved dealing with the public and was in fact how I MET the guy and it was what we had IN COMMON, (b) work from home only via virtual team, with no Skype and no travel at all (limiting my ability to grow my business), (c) don’t leave the house unless I HAVE to (once a day, for smokes), (d) do all my shopping online so I don’t have to go into a store, (e) refuse to go to any of his friends parties or gigs, (f) do not see my family at all except with him–so I don’t have to leave the house (they come to me), and (g) gave up all my good volunteer work that I also loved. I am totally isolated in this house except for the internet, and I don’t chat, message, browse, surf or anything because I’m sure he checks my history. My phone is under his account so I don’t make phone calls unless work related. Or my mom or son. Nobody else. My car is so broken and I don’t fix it because maybe I would need to do that so I could go somewhere. I have lost business because I couldn’t go to meetings out of town. 6, almost 7 years of this. He cheated on his wife so he could have me, and I am the one who “taught him to cheat, and taught him to lie”, so obviously I am an expert. I don’t check his email, his messages, his whereabouts–he goes wherever he wants to with my blessing. Rehearsals, out of town on business, over to friends houses to party, etc. I TRUST. If he’s gonna cheat, he’s gonna cheat, and there’s nothing I can do about it. Why on earth can I not have the same level of trust from him? The only BAD thing I ever did in my life was GET with him…I’m a good girl, I pay all the household bills, I make a good living, I’m loyal, I’m tenacious, I’m stubborn, and I believe in him. BUT–I feel like my life, as me, is over. IF YOU CAN GET OUT, DO IT. Or be prepared to cry yourself to sleep (alone–he sleeps on the couch because of course he is sure I am cheating on him) for the rest of your miserable, pathetic, isolated life:( 🙁 🙁 🙁

      1. You need to get out of there NOW! This man is never going to respect you for all those things you do. And I can almost guarantee you, HE’S cheating if he’s accusing YOU of cheating. You should never bring your life to a standstill for a man. I’m should know, I’ve been doing it for 34 years and I’m ready to press the stop button so I can get off this horrible ride. I just don’t have a job that I can survive on with all my medical problems. If he can’t deal with you having a career that brings money to the table to support the family, then he doesn’t deserve you, but don’t lock yourself up to prove your fidelity to him. He has a lot more to prove to you is what it sounds like to me. You have a career, so when you get out, you can support yourself and your son and build it back up again. Then your head will be clear of the fog and you can then start a new chapter in your life of LOVE & RESPECT for yourself. Love and peace!

    2. im going through the same thing and i say it drugs too so you not along why are they hurting us im exhausted in im ready to leave if i don’t leave im hurting my kids also they don’t deserve to have to live like this are it not good guidelines for them to see and hear us fighting

    3. I’ve been going through something similar, I’m convinced my fiance has schizophrenic paranoia. I just had a job interview and he accuses me of sleeping with the interviewer. I have never cheated on him, yet he thinks even my son’s friends are my sex partners. He wants to check my private parts every time I go somewhere alone, which is not often, I don’t even go out with any of my girl friends. It is putting such a strain on our relationship, he says he cannot trust me, because according to him my private parts were mangled when I was still working. I have never cheated on him and he doesn’t believe me.

    4. I’ve also been accused of sleeping w/my husband’s friends. Acmused of starring at them, etc. I’ve offered to get them involved in the conversation, & he’s like, “no”, for whatever reason. I get your frustration too.

  21. I’ve been with my bf for almost 17 years, 4 years ago he developed a methamphetamine habit, I became the target of his paranoia. i have 4 children, 1 handicapped, theyre all grown and on their own, except for my youngest (18) hes got cerebral palsy, i am a stay at home mom, taking care of my son, home schooling him. He would swear I had men living in an attic, or in a “trap door” in the bathroom floor and when I used the bathroom a mystery man would come up & that apparently was when I cheated, in a 2 minute time frame. or while cooking dinner, talking to my son, he swore I was having an affair in front of my son. at first, not knowing about this drug and effects, I tried so hard to prove he was nuts. but he’d place his phone throughout the home, and even though it was clear to rational people I was talking to my son, or even my bf, my bf heard what his paranoid mind wanted. Only after a month or 2 of being off the drug did he realize that it was us talking on the recordings, and there’s no trap doors , no moving walls. then he’d do the drug again, and the accusations started again. this went on for 3 years, but the accusations never stopped. He’s now on disability for paranoid szchophrenia, and even though we’re together 24/7 he swears I’m cheating. I’ve given up trying to prove to him that I’ve never cheated and never will. we had an incredible, trusting relationship until he got into that drug, & he’s cheated on prev gf’s but not on me, I think there’s absolutely no excuse for cheating. if it’s that bad or you want someone, leave, but cheating? no way! but I’m constantly treated like I’m cheating, how or where? I don’t know, bc we are always together, but I don’t care anymore. I do online therapy to help me stop trying to reassure him, or to focus on myself bc it’s almost a game to him, deep down, he’s gotta know how would I cheat? when he’s using the bathroom, I rush a man in? come on. so, when he says (as he literally just did 3 mins ago)”I think you’re cheating, something’s going on” before I’d cry, get angry plead blah blah, but now I just say “whatever, I don’t care for your game” & put in my ear buds & crank up my meditation music. I’m not going to let him steal my happiness that I’m just getting back. so for those of you that do cheat, STOP bc you make it shotty for those of us that don’t believe in it.

  22. I have been married for 29 years and a few mo. ago my husband started accusing me of cheating and stealing all his money he thinks I have a bank acc in just my name witch I do not he is disabled and cannot care for himself I do everything for him he also thinks I have a boyfriend in Fresno and he thinks I want to kill him he keeps saying he can read my thoughts and he doesn’t like what he is hearing I have recordings of him threatening to kill me and I’ve let the police hear it and when they get here he is calm so they say we can’t do anything this has been going on for a few mo.

  23. I have been married for 22 years to a woman who I do love but issues through the years have been a drag on the relationship. I am more than 10 years older than my wife and this age difference has been a problem at times. She is a product of divorced parents and more specifically, an abusive father. He cheated on his wife and verbally and physically abused his wife and daughter (my wife). My wife was very attentive and a great mom to our 4 kids until about 5 years ago. She began withdrawing from us, drinking more and spending time out of the house with various business ventures. It was not uncommon for her to come home falling down drunk at any hour. Many times I was asleep, but other times I was awake and this sickened me. She always claimed that it was for her work (in the music industry). Almost 3 years ago I took early retirement and was suddenly home all the time. This is when I really began to realize that I did not know my wife anymore. It took me 14 months to realize that I could no longer be home all the time. I decided that although I did (and think I still do) love her, I really did not like her at all! I was catching her in lies regularly. She lies about the most ridiculous things! She was not around much but when she was, she somehow found it necessary to start fights with me and our teenage boys. So, I became the mediator in our house and did my best to smooth out things between my wife and the kids. Soon it became very difficult to defend my wife’s behavior to the boys. When I tried, they’d look at me and say, “really Dad?, you know she’s wrong”. And more often than not, she was wrong. I went back to work this year hoping that absence might help my heart grow fonder. It did not. This past June, I was contacted on FB by a woman who I knew and dated 31 years ago. We spoke on the phone a few times and did some reminiscing through FB messaging. We did talk and laugh about some of the things that we did and it was kind of fun to talk about it. It was not any great revelation experience or a love again at first talk event. My wife found out and I did not lie to her about any of it. When she asked me why I spoke to her my only response was that it was nice to hear a friendly voice for a change. She asked me to stop all communication with her and I complied. For the record, I spoke to her from my office phone and messaged on FB through my desktop computer. I never gave her my cell number or spoke with her, texted her, or FB messaged her from my cell phone. I did not want her to have it because I just didn’t want to go there. Fast forward to today and although I have not been in contact with her (and never was on my cell) she is convinced that not only am I still in touch with her through various genius and undetected methods, but she alleges that its been going on for years and that I have been “hooking up with her” on business and guys trips. None of which is even remotely true. She has done dozens of hours of research, paid for snooper sights and has pages and pages of phone records, text records, and a long list of the secret email accounts and social media that I have been using to stay in touch with this ex-girlfriend. All of this is nonsense! I have never communicated with the ex on my cell account, ever-period! So, regardless of my explanations and my pleas for a common sense approach to the facts, I have been labeled a lying, cheating, SOB. She has even told my kids that I’m having an affair. She is seeing a therapist now which seems to be having almost no positive impact. I’m trying my best to be patient because according to her, I caused all of this by speaking to her. However, I am nearing the end of my patience. This has been non stop since June and I’m exhausted. The latest is that she’s still coming home very late, very drunk, and awakening me from a dead sleep with shouting and ranting about some new evidence she has on me from our phone bill. This time it was a record of me texting Direct TV to order the NBA League Pass subscription! She’s convinced that its my secret girlfriend! Even after showing her my phone, which has NO password protection and is available for her to look at every night while I’m asleep, she still claims I’m an f’ing liar and a cheater! Sadly, I will probably end up divorcing her for her inability to trust me and her constant attacks! It really is a sad story and one that is most likely a result of mental illness.

  24. Frustrated
    My husband & I have been married for twenty one years. Together twenty eight. Last year in August 2015 I had an affair with an old flame I dated when we were teenagers. He is also the father of my first born daughter. Affair lasted 2 months. I ask back with my husband because I want to save our marriage.I have never cheated on him before prior to our marriage until Aug of 2015. My husband is so insecure that he accuses me of cheating still with different men & bringing them into our home. I am telling him that I am not cheating at all. I apologized for cheating those two months in 2015. I feel terrible about that. He says he has forgiven me for that but he says he has evidence that I am still cheating. That’s absurd, all I do while he is at work is clean, do laundry & babysit one of our grandchildren. He does not believe me. He has recorders & cameras in the house recording me. Outside as well. Says he hears my voice on the recorder having sex with another man. He even gives the man a name. He is beginning to scare me because I am not doing that & I tell him I don’t know anyone by the name he is giving me. I have been faithful but he doesn’t believe me. Calls me a tramp, slit, whore and so on. I am trying to save my marriage but I am also getting tired of his accusations. Please help! What should I do?

    1. My bf acted that way when he was using methamphetamine. he’d record me talking to my son, or even the tv, and swear it’s a man named John that I’m having an affair with. are drugs involved?

    2. Do you really expect to be trusted after cheating? People now and days see “one-time innocent” cheating as a good thing. Cheating is cheating no matter how you want to call it. Move on since you seem to be the kind of person who isn’t really interested in a serious long term relationshipe

    3. Thats cuz you are a whore. Dont cheat and you wont get treated like that. You are a worthless pos and deserve to die alone. I hope your husband beats you too

      1. Max,
        While I appreciate you being candid with your feeling, your crudeness & meanness indicates you don’t understand the whole idea of being a healthy individual. I have only approved your comment to show readers there are those who will judge harshly and have extremely angry feelings around cheating. I can appreciate the anger, but nothing is an excuse to be abusive. Even if you someone has cheated, it does not mean they should be abused in any way.
        If you are being abused, reader, please go to/call the Domestic Violence Hotline – 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) They can get you connected to resources and support in your area.

  25. Thank you for sharing your stories, I’m glad I’m not alone. My boyfriend of 10yrs has major trust issues and, rightfully so. We’ve been together for about 10yrs. When we first started dating, I was 17 and slept around on him twice. Since then, he has been unable to trust me. I thought that we had gotten past it by now, especially given how much we have both changed and matured but, over the weekend, i got blasted for sleeping around- he brought up some nasty reasons why he thought I was cheating, including my period being irregular (which there are reasons for this that he knows about). I feel like I’m in a twilight zone, like he’s never gotten past what happened 10yrs ago, like he’s never trusted me, like maybe he’s been thinking this all these years? Why? I have been distant lately, as I lost my father and have just been feeling restless, but he doesn’t believe this. He still thinks I’m sleeping around. The sad thing is, because I did cheat on him 10yrs ago, I feel like he has a right to be suspicious. I feel like I’m excusing the accusation, the belittlement. Deep down, I’m just sad and angry and hurt and questioning everything. I’m truly in disbelief that he cannot look in my eyes and know I’m telling the truth- we’ve always had an extremely intense, on point connection- maybe my distance is causing a disconnect in us? I don’t know what the hell is going on but I do know that I would NEVER cheat on him- that he’s one of the most important things in my life. But I don’t know how to have a conversation with him about this without somehow justifying his hateful words because of what I did so long ago. I’m so lost.

    1. Wow exhausted your story sounds very similar what I am going through! Married for 7 and together for 14 cheated once within the first year of our relationship! But since we have been married I would never think about that I haven’t no matter what I say it gets worse! We have been through so much have a 7 year old daughter and we have custody of his 17 year old son bc we lost his mom a few years back. Now bc I told him I feel like I am never touched anymore and could go elsewhere…he automatically now accusing me of cheating a and I am not! Never!
      Can I ask you how or what you have done or said to help resolve his insecurities to make it better?

      1. You actually told your husband that you “could go elsewhere”? Kind of sums it all up doesn’t it? Destructive dialogue to make for someone who has strayed before.

      2. For someone who cheated and saying that you could go elsewhere, what does that mean? Are you saying that despite the fact that you know it wasn’t right you cheated (at least on the surface), you never saw what you did as the most biggest mistake that you could of ever done to your boyfriend? Cheating isn’t just like not having done your chores when your parents asked you to do so when you were little. Cheating is very serious and by the way you’re expressing yourself, you’re never sorry by having cheating on him that one time. Your husband should do himself a favor and leave you. Sorry, but there a better people out there who would appreciate him better than you ever did.

      3. Should I add of course that the 7 year old daughter that you had together would be better off with yout boyfriend instead with you. With a mother with such mentality as yours ( having cheated once and then saying you could go elsewhere) that’s the reason why there are many children out there today that are totally messed up.

    2. Well… it’s normal how you feel about your father’s death but you set your bf aside. When you love someone you never set aside the one who loves you. What about if he wanted to give you without a doubt his support and you just treated him in the way you did by setting him aside? Although that doesn’t give him any reason to think you’re cheating, but how would you feel if he were going through the same situation as you and because of your indifference he set you aside?
      Second, infidelity can’t be forgotten and forgiven that easly. People commit mistakes but infidelity… that’s something it’s never easy to get over with, not to say that you cheated on your boyfriend twice. It’s necessary to seek counseling for both of you to talk about this situation and deal with it. If your boyfriend decides that it’s better to move on, you must repsect what he decides to do.

  26. I feel like the biggest fool on this planet! I have been with my husband for 27 years, married 15 yrs., I have been accused of cheating the whole time. I guess what I keep asking myself is, if he thinks that I’m cheating, why stay in the relationship? I have never cheated the whole time we have been together. I have been employed for 24 years of our relationship. The three years I didn’t work, I attended college and earned a college degree. While employed, in 2012 I earned a cosmetology license and recently in 2016 I earned a certificate for another college program. So, while I’m working, attending school making something of myself, I was being accused of cheating. I’m the sole provider of my household. I pay all the bills, buy the groceries, and do all of the cooking and cleaning. I don’t go out unless it’s with my husband. I go to work and then back home. No life. He drops me off to work in my car and accuses me cheating before I go into my workplace and when he picks me up, he accuses me of cheating while I’m at work. He even accuses me of not being at work sometimes. WTF? Let me tell you how bad the accusations get, he even accuses me of having someone being in the house when he is right there in the house. He sometimes will come in and start looking around in closets or looking to see if someone is running down the back door steps. This is craziness. I never thought in a million years that this is what my husband would be like. Getting married did not change those negative thoughts of his as I thought it would. Here I am 50 yrs. old and still going through this crap! I have been cheated on by him twice that I know of(for every one you know of, there is five others you don’t know about). My eyes are wide open since the last time he cheated in 2012 while I was at work and when I attended school in the evening. I contacted his whore and patiently let her tell me every detail about her and his sneaky ass. I went through a lot with that. I still have not completely gotten over it and he still has the nerve to accuse me of cheating every chance he gets. I’m at a point where I’m done arguing, explaining, and trying to prove myself because it’s all pointless, a bottomless pit. So now I just let him talk and don’t say a word so that he can listen to himself and see how stupid he sounds. I should have left his ass a long time ago, but I’m still there being faithful, loyal, honest, lover, provider, caretaker, confidant, ect…

    1. You are were I was. It’s almost a year to the day that I left my husband. I remember sobbing my heart out in the shower thinking is this how the rest of my life is going to be like? The fear of starting over, being by myself was huge, but it had to be better than this everyday condemnation of everything I was and rejection of everything I needed. This was not love. And it never would be, no matter how much I tried.

      I am still struggling to make my way, but I do not regret for a moment that I left. Our final divorce trial will be on my 51st birthday. It won’t be easy for you to leave. Realize that he will not change. If you stay, it will only get worse. I came to the realization that my husband is a coward. He couldn’t be honest with me, so he did everything in his power to alienate me so I would leave and then he could allow himself to feel justified in his own dishonest behavior. That’s his burden. Not mine. And God help the woman (and her daughter) who moved in shortly after I left. I’m sure she will be subjected to what I endured sooner or later.

    2. Sounds a lot like my life! I’ve been married to my husband 29 years, together 34 years May 2017.

      I don’t go anywhere that he isn’t with me. I go to work and come straight home everyday. I’m not allowed to even go and spend time with my grown up kids and their spouses without him, he never want to go to visit them, but gets mad at me If I’m honest with them and tell them that he didn’t allow me to. My now daughter in law invited me to go wedding dress shopping with her. I told my husband at least a month in advance. I kept reminding him the whole time, with no response ever. Then the day came, I got ready and he put his foot down and said no. I got down on my knees and asked him if I begged like a dog for treat if he would let me go, still said no. As I walked to my bedroom i reminded him of the gun that was in there and that my life wasn’t worth living anymore because I didn’t have a life, and locked myself in my room. He went and took my car out and told me to drive safe. I didn’t want to go anymore, but I also didn’t want to stay home with him all day either. I bit the bullet and went. Had the best time of my life. Same with when my granddaughter was going to be born. My son is a Marine and was out in the field. He had asked for me to come down to California to help just in case something happened while he was gone. Again, my husband avoided every conversation regarding me going to California. I finally lost my patience and left on my own. At that point, my intention was to leave his ass. I drove from the Northwest corner of Oregon to Camp Pendleton Marine base, by myself. My husband seems to think that I’m incapable of doing anything without him, because he won’t let me do anything by myself. From the time I get up in the morning, he calls me to wake me up, tells me how to dress for the day, to be careful and not fall and hurt myself and he even tells me to drink coffee. OMG!!! WTF?! I’m capable of waking up on my own, dressing myself and I’m not a total klutz, I’m not falling all over the place. And, maybe I don’t want coffee. Maybe I want tea or just water?! Not his call to make! I’ve brought it up to him how it makes me feel, he turns it on me and justifies his actions with “I love you and I don’t want you to get hurt.” Sick of being treated like a child, I’m 47 f**king years old!!! He constantly accuses me of cheating on him. I’ve asked him when he thinks I have time to cheat? His response, ” How do I know you go to work?” I have a chronic condition that sex for me is not my main concern for the day. I just had lower back surgery, and he couldn’t even stop with his accusations while I was recovering from that! He has accused me of cheating on him with his chiropractor’s sons and gets mad at me because he says he’s embarrassed to go there because of what I did. I’ve never done anything and I’ve invited him to go ahead and make a fool out of himself and ask the doctor or his sons what is up with us? He won’t do it. I think he’s too chicken because he knows what they’ll say, nothing!!! He has seriously accused me of cheating on him with over 20 men, at least. I’ve asked why he stays with me if he really thinks I’ve cheated but never has an answer. He just flips it back on me and starts yelling at me “What do you want?” And I’ve told him that what I want is for him to either believe me that I’ve never cheated or leave. That just opens a whole other can of worms. Accuses me of cheating and being a liar because I won’t tell him the truth. I told him he wouldn’t recognize the truth if it slapped him in the face! It’s a never ending battle and I’m never going to win. My boys and their wives have suggested counseling but I don’t really think it will do anything. He has told me that he is the way he is, and he’s never going to change. So why bother? I need to get some help for myself, but I can never get away from him. I can’t even go to get my hair cut without him tagging along. I asked him if he ever saw any other men waiting for their girls at the salon, and he didn’t respond. He couldn’t because he knows he’s insane. If i have a doctors appointment, he’ll take the day off from work. I feel suffocated because i have no me time. I work with kids, so I’m taking and listening to noise all day. I get off work, and he expects me to call him so we can talk on our way home. I don’t want to talk, I just want to listen to some music to relax and unwind. He’ll ask me who is I the car with me?! I’ve immediately connected FaceTime to prove I’m alone. Or he’ll say “You still aren’t home yet?” I call him from the time I get In the car, and he knows it takes 23-25 minutes depending on traffic. What the hell?! I’m at my breaking point but I don’t know how I could survive with what I make. And with my medical situation, I’m barely able to work the hours I’m working. Any ideas?!

      1. That enviornment is unhealthy as it is for you already. There’s no other way around rather than leaving your husband. At the same time, since you’re subject to abuse from him a lawyer will help you in order to make your husband respond for all your medical bills which subsecuently are caused by your medical condition; in part due to your husband’s abusive behavior towards you. You should also contact the national domestic violence hotline immediately. You can reach them at 1-800-799-7233 or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). I hope all of this helps.

      2. Don’t worry about the money. Just get out. As you know this man is not mentally stable. If he’s threatened you with a gun, you will certainly be able to get a restraining order on him. A judge would probably make him go to mandatory counseling which is exactly what he needs.. If you decide to go through with it, be prepared for him to threaten to harm himself. You’ll have to be tough.

        1. Clarification: “I” threatened my life with the gun, not my husband. Not that it makes the situation any better. He was the reason I did it though.

        1. Thank you for your input. I don’t know why leaving is so hard. I know it’s for my own good. Every time he assaults me with his nasty comments, he is pushing closer to the point of pressing the DONE button. There are just so many things I have to consider so I don’t end up sleeping out on the streets. He was physically abusive to me for our first 17 years, but now it’s verbal, mental and emotional abuse. So when you have a person (me) that doesn’t see any other options than suicide because they’ve been degraded and tortured verbally and emotionally, it really does something to a person’s mind and spirit. I have to do something soon!!!

          1. A Mac, remember you are not alone and there are resources out there to help. Start with the Domestic Violence Hotline – 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) They can get you connected to resources and support in your area. Leaving is scary and hard, but you don’t have to do it alone. Get help; especially for your safety.

      3. this sounds exactly like my life….I have to call my husband as soon as I wake up, if I don’t he thinks I’m cheating or on my way to and from work he expects me to call him and if I don’t it’s a fight cuz he thinks I’m on the phone with my imaginary lover…He accuses me of having sex with my relatives, pastors, neighbors, workers at Walmart, you name it, I’m sleeping with them, no matter how ugly or nasty they he thinks I’m the biggest whore and would sleep with anyone even though I’ve only been with a handful of ppl my whole life and he has been with 40-50 and cheated our whole marriage and been caught and one of them was a pastors wife!!! I left him after years of accusations and was going to get a divorce and had a fling with a guy but my husband begged me home so I came back and told him of the affair and now he thinks I’m the biggest whore that walked the earth and the accusations are 100 times worse!!!! It’s a nightmare! And our teenage son hates his Dad…his Dad is even jealous of him and the love we share. If I hug my son, my husband gets jealous. Its ridiculous. This is our son together. How can you be jealous of your own child!

    3. If you are the sole provider, why do you stay (sorry not judging, just curious) ? he clearly does not respect you, you deserve to be with someone who is mature and will respect you as a person, you deserve a life where you can be independent and go out when you feel like it, you are still young enough to make a new life for yourself and move on. I hope you find the strength you need to do the right thing for yourself.

  27. I appreciated reading so many stories that are similar to my own. I am now divorcing my husband of 17 years. I thought we had a solid marriage. Trust was something that we both stated was important to us at the beginning of our relationship. He told me about his terrible childhood, the trust and abandonment issues he has with his mother (who cheated on his father and the kids witnessed some really crappy behavior), and his ex girlfriends starting with his high school sweetheart and ending with the woman before me – all cheating on him. My own father cheated – I have a illegitimate brother somewhere in the world. Because of my childhood experiences, the pain I saw my mother go through, and my own emotional makeup, I have always been a serial monogamist. Never been able to, or wanted to, focus on more than one relationship at a time. During my marriage I lived in a very small, remote community. He double made sure to isolate me by telling me that I couldn’t trust the people in the village and to watch what I said, did, so I wouldn’t make any close friends. I was to watch how I dressed, not let any man in the house if he wasn’t home, etc. He would make ‘kidding’ comments to me when I left the village to go to the big city for work or to get supplies and I was wearing town clothes and make up. Then about 2 years ago he accused me of having an affair – an affair that was supposed to have happened a decade prior! When I claimed my innocence, he refused to believe me. He has no proof because there is none. He would reject any attention I tried to give him. He’d ask me if I was “trying to solicit attention” from him. He wouldn’t kiss me. He’d tell me he loved me, but that he just wasn’t that affectionate. He started to denigrate me in front of his friends. He gaslighted me. I threatened to start wearing a go-pro and record every conversation we had because I thought I was going crazy. I finally had enough of his mistrust, disrespect and disdain. The last straw was when he was supposed to come home after a 2 week business trip and instead he left out of state. He didn’t tell me he wasn’t coming home, I found out through FB. After I filed for divorce I was accused of abandoning him and our marriage. He started calling his friends and asking them if they had slept with me. And are they SURE I didn’t fuck them? He tells everyone that I had cheated on him – repeatedly. Basically any man who was nice to me, I had to be sleeping with. I asked him before I left if he had cheated on me? He wouldn’t reply, but I wanted to believe he was innocent, I never thought he would do that to us. I found out after I left that he WAS cheating on me – first just emotionally through social media – it had been going on for at least a year. She was in the house not 2 months after I left. That’s where he went – to go see her, instead of coming home. Guess who it is? His high school sweetheart! She is moved in now. So basically everything he accused me of, he was doing himself. (I wonder if she will be subjected eventually to the same kind of treatment that I got – or if it really is Love for them and perhaps they will live happily ever after? And I also wonder if I hadn’t left, how long would he have continued with me and hiding his relationship with her?) And the real kicker? At the time I had finally decided to leave my husband, a married man I had a work relationship (and whom I was very attracted to but never ever let it show in any way) with told me he was very attracted to me. He has never stepped one foot out of line, but he had to tell me how much he liked and respected me before I left. He helped me get my stuff out of the village and was hugely supportive – but only in the context of us talking during the normal course of the day as our work lives intersected. This man showed me more basic kindness and decency that my own husband has in years. And I fell in love with him for it. BUT I never said or did anything to acknowledge that to my friend (or to myself). I finally told him I was propably just as attracted to him as he was to me, but that as long as he was married – that was it. (and we both have kids involved to consider!) He needed to get his shit together if he really loved his wife and his relationship was as solid as he professed it to be. I told him we couldn’t be friends if his wife wasn’t aware of our friendship – that it was cheating on her emotionally. And if we had to keep our friendship a secret -what was that about? And of course the fact that my marriage was imploding and the last thing I needed to do was to start an affair with a married man! I refused to take his calls, to answer his texts, to encourage him in any way. And he has respected that, and the few times we have run into each other since, we just look sadly at each other – the attraction so very much still there. I really don’t think he was playing me – maybe he was kidding himself. So now I’m alone and struggling to rebuild my self esteem and life. And the worst part of it is that I feel my heart has been broken twice. First by the man I thought I’d be with the rest of my life, and then by a man who is the most attractive man I have ever wanted, and cannot have. I have my self-respect and integrity. Too bad it leaves such a sour taste in my mouth and does nothing to fill the empty hole in my heart. Perhaps one day I’ll wake up in the morning and I won’t think of either man, and feel the pain they have both caused me.

  28. My husband and I have been married for a little over a year now. I had this friend that was also married and we would vent to each other and give feedback based on the situation at hand. I never spoke to my husband about it because it never went any further than that. Due to some history two years ago, my husband believes that I have cheated on him based off of a story his friends made (they have been trying to get us divorced since the beginning). He believes them and has told me he doesn’t love me, that he will never believe what I say, and that his friends would never lie to him. Keep in mind that all of this happened in one night. I don’t know I’m suppose to do now that he wants a divorce and I want to keep fighting. I would never do anything in the World to jeopardize this. I’m in love with this man. I just don’t know how I can prove to him that I didn’t. I’ve done everything I could, including giving my husbands number to the guy that I’m being accused of sleeping with.

  29. Dear Heathery,

    I keep getting accused of being unfaithful, being accused of hiding cellphones in my private parts, getting accused of having people follow him, I’ve just recently found out that he had an affair with a family member…I keep quiet, I don’t say anything. How does a person react to a paranoid situation…how do you get to the bottom of a situation when you don’t know how it got there….I sit at home, I don’t visit family because he gets jealous….I don’t chat to people unless he’s okay with it….I’m just a singled out person who dances to his chants. He has 2 kids from 2 different women…the daughter I see almost every weekend…I treat her like she’s my own yet her dad looks at me like I’m this ATM that constantly has money to give her…just this past week she didn’t know how much she needed so I asked her to let me know and I’ll give her….her dad flipped and said I found it hard to give her (I’m completely confused because the daughter and i know what we discussed and arrangement)

    I’ve been humiliated, sworn in public, threatened, God alone knows how many times I’ve been stabbed in the back by this man, and yet I still believe when he says he’s sorry and that he will change

    I’ve brought this man up from nothing, he was a nobody, he had nothing, now that he has a good job, dresses well, now that I got him to see life through exclusive eyes, I became his punching bag, his doormat, his NOTHING

    I have this funny feeling that because he doesn’t value my life, he will do anything to get me killed


  30. I have been in a relationship for about 1 1/2 years with a man I have known for 9 years. We love each other very much, but every time we go out, the next day there are issues. He can’t accept and move on from the past. He tells me he wants me to be honest with him, which I do. I have told him things about my childhood abuse, an exes abuse, and other men I have been with prior to us beginning this relationship. Last night we went out to our usual karaoke and a friend of ours sang a song about a woman lying. My bf said to me on my way to work it seemed funny that our friend chose that song and looked at me. Ok, I have the ability over people about what they chose to sing. Then he text me wanting to know who’s close were in a dresser drawer. I honestly didn’t know what he was talking about. These were my sons clothes out of my storage unit, that I just stuck in a drawer and forgot about. He said they weren’t there before when he looked in the drawer. He said some very hurtful things, accused me of fooling around on him, which I would never do. He said if I didn’t come clean it would be the last time I saw him. No matter what I said he still believes I am cheating on him. He said it would be ok if I was just straight with him. He says he loves me, but we need more than that. He was yelling at me, which he has never done before, he told me to shut up, which he has never done before. He was so angry, there has only ever once another time I saw him like that and we weren’t in a relationship at the time. He said he felt terrible saying he doesn’t believe me and it hurt him to say it, but he isn’t going to lie to himself. One night when we were laying in bed, we heard the man next door moaning, we just looked at each other and shook our heads. I brought it up one time and he denies it was him that was there. He said just tell him the truth, who was there and it would be ok. I was so upset then also. I don’t doubt for a minute that he loves me, but I can’t continue to be accused of something I am not doing. In my heart I feel he is the one cheating. They say and I know from a past experience, the one accusing is usually the one cheating.

  31. Hi me and my husband being married for 7 and half years..he also accused me for cheating.can anyone help me.tye truth I never cheat on because I love him very much.

  32. Well my story is I met my current wife nearly 2 years ago at first when we were just getting to know each other I also went out with another girl and that night we kiss that was all my current wife found out a text from her and I was sincere with her and It’d her that nothing happen was just a kiss we have no plans of been together back then but she call the girl and told her that she was my girlfriend and the girl apologize and reform that nothing happen and was just a kiss.
    Well time went by we got married and we been for over a year now the tricky part is I’m a professional truck driver and as all truck drivers have a bad reputation behind them
    Now for the record I’m married and as a men of my word I honor my wife and respect her I promise her that nothing and nobody will get between us she’s older then me by 9 years I’m 34 but I’m not a person that have the heart of cheating what happen in the past was just because o was just getting to me meet new people and back then me and my wife hadn’t meet in person yet we met online by the way !
    So now we have a house we have a life together but been that my job requires me to be away from home do about two weeks at the time I’m getting accused of cheating everyday wich I’m not I’m really devoted to our family and home working my ass off but all I get its accuse and blame for stuff I don’t do I really respect her
    And honestly I have never cheated on any of my ex wich bothers me
    Because she has a diferent picture of who I really am. The other days I was just fixing a load that I had just pick up on trailer and took me about 25 mins and she called me during that time period and got real mad telling have fun with who ever you at so on so on!! I called right back 6 times and explain her that I just left my phone inside truck while I was just securing the load but that didn’t leave anywhere!! So she didn’t pick my calls I get mad and I text her this it’s some dump shit!! I’m not doing nothing wrong !!
    So been that she’s mad over that next day I did called her and she ignore me one more time so I was like fucked keep working we have bills to pay wich I pay everything I the house. But it’s not just this time it happens almost everyday I get accused so either she’s doing it or she it s just really jealous because of what happen?
    I get home next day and I try to tell her that I respect her very much even that she looks at me like I got birches running behind my truck at every state I go!! But that’s not the true !
    The true is that I got such of thight schedule that baverly get some sleep beetween pick ups and drops that it’s impossible even if I want it to hook up with some random girl… And like I said I just do t have the heart to do it now that I’m in a commitment . And I respect our marriage very much ..
    So she tells me that if she’s gonna leave she will tell me in my face but I’m starting to think that’s what she really want to do but she depends so much on me that she just don’t. Do it so what I do?
    May be she’s the one cheating ? And try to blame it on me or finding ways to justify?
    I make good money and I talk to her for hours everyday I don’t know if she it’s just jealous or insecure because of the age diference! I love her. But I can keep busting my ass for this family and at the. End of the day I’m just the worst hubsband in the world!!

  33. I have been married for 3.5 years and ours was an arranged marriage. I had a bf 2 years before my marriage.
    We didn’t break up but moved places and hence lost touch. Recently less than a week ago he got in touch with me through social media website after more than 6 years and we started chatting on watsapp. He kept saying he loved me but I didn’t have the same feelings and just wanted to be friends. I never said anything to him. My husband knows about him as I had told him before marriage. My husband read the messages and now thinks that I am cheating on him event though my friend leaves in a different country.
    I have absolutely no idea how to convince him that I love only him and am not cheating on him.
    Can anyone help?

  34. I came across this sight last night. I also, thought if I write my story I maybe can get light in my situation. Ive been married for 15 year with 2 wonderful boys.. I can say the only thing I didnt like about my marriage is hes like talking to the wall, and he is never wrong.. will never apoligize. Well, here I go.. He leaves for a work trip.. on the day he gets back he just says if you did something while I was away just let me know. Im like where is this coming from.I said no I never did anything. After that he started without my knowledge audio recording me. He would listen to it hours on in.aking things up that wasnt even on it..He would have is coworkers dissect the audio recording. They are like dude nothing is there. Well he continues about 4 more times bringing his friends over and listen to the audios over and over accusing me of having quiet sex with him in the other room.. also of having sex in front of our children. How sick is that. This very last time he admits to inviting his friends over and on purpose leaving us alone. He swears he saw by looking under the door that i blew, jacked and rode both of them with him looking under the door. Who in there right mind would do that to the person they love. Ive never cheated in my whole life even since I just started dating. He awears he can hear me doing vile things on the again audio.. I forgave my husband everytime picking up the pieces of my broken heart. This time its so bad he spent 300 dollars to send the audio off to a professional to get him to dissect it. I can swear promise on everything I didnt do anything. I leave with the kids for 3 days. He promises he trust me and hes sorry. So, I came back. When I come back he starts all over again.. saying you know you did it just admit .Im like I will not admit to something I didnt do!!!! Then then about a thousand times ask the question and the apoligizes and says sorry over and over again..He goes as far as calling me ano good cheating b!@#$. A whore, slut all in front of my kids. I feel hes telling my kids things behind my back. I find my own children are disrespecting me. At this point I feel so hurt lost heart broken again.. we went or I should say I went to councling twice. It didnt even feel like he was there.. He would never speak.. All he can say is I beleive you but I have to wait for the audio results to come back.. Hes been sleep walking.. Having nightmares.. Breaking out with horrible cold sores. Hes readimg my text spying on my phone calls just when Im on the phone with my family.. I cant take this much more ..non trust on his part. Im packing leavimg once again and he throws a baby fit and crys please dont leave. He knows how I say play with my heart strings.. I have a really soft heart and he plays on that big time. I know I stupid and should leave bit, for some stupid reason I continue to stay.. when I saw this site I was like wow. Maybe getting advice from a stranger I might open my eyes.. I have been crying and praying for 6 or 7 months for guidence.. Hes making me feel things I never even thought I could.. so Im like you know I always here the person who blames the other person is usually the one doing wrong.. He gets so defensive. To thw point hes screaming at me I told you Ive never cheated. I can ask once and he gets outraged. But he can grill me for months but thats ok.. someone please shine some light on there opinion on this.. I know im a strong woman..So, why is it I can bring myself to leave I ponder this all the time.. At this point in time I know I dont want to leave my 10 and 4 year old. They dont want to come with me. And I will not leave without them.. thankyou for listening..

  35. The sociopath will always accuse you of doing the very thing that they are guilty of themselves. They do this to deflect the attention from them.

    Examples of this are

    Accusing you of cheating
    Accusing you of being dishonest or lying
    Accusing you of talking about them
    Accusing you of doing whatever it is that they are guilty of themselves
    The sociopath has a bizarre ability to be able to make YOU feel guilty and feel like you have defend yourself… for things that he has done.

    You see the sociopath, is actually fairly intelligent. He knows that whilst you are busy defending yourself, and proving your innocence, you will be confused, and will forget about the real issue, the truth that you are close to uncovering about the sociopath.

    Bullshit Bingo
    It’s all a game to the sociopath. Life is a game. With little inside themselves they spend most of their life playing stupid mind games.

    Accusing you of things that they have done themselves, is something that they will do over and over again. The result for you, the victim is

    Feeling confused
    Feeling violated
    Feeling misunderstood
    Feeling unheard
    Feeling guilty
    Likely he will also say ‘everyone thinks, or says….’ – so you feel isolated too
    Afterwards, after wasted hours, protesting your innocence, you think

    How did that happen?

    The truth is right there, you are relieved that the constant questions and accusations have stopped. There is peace again.

    Once again, the sociopath has managed to manipulate the situation, and deflect blame back onto you. You have spent another few hours of your time, stressed, anxious and defending your corner.

    You feel that yet again there was yet another problem that didn’t need to be there. Some other issue, that didn’t need to be there.

    But for the sociopath, it isn’t like that. He is playing a game. Playing a game with your mind and your heart. There are two things that are important to the sociopath

    If you were to catch him out in a lie, he would neither win, or be in control. So he will do anything that he can do, to win the game, and control the game.

    That is all that it is.

    The sociopath probably doesn’t even realise the effect that this has on you. After all, he never thinks about your needs, and this is in terms of both good and bad things. He, like always is thinking about himself, not about you, your welfare or your needs.

    It is all just a game. A stupid, mindless game. That could continue for the rest of your life if you let it.

    Isn’t it time to move forward? To stop playing the stupid game with the sociopath, who could play forever. If you let him. The sociopath doesn’t feel too much, but he does feel satisfaction from

    Being in control
    Maybe right now it is time to stop playing the game. To finish the game. Stop playing. It is now time to focus on you. On your needs and your welfare. After all when you were with the sociopath, so much of your time and energy was wasted, defending yourself, and playing pointless mind games, nobody was taking care of your needs.

    Endless stress and endless drama. that is the relationship with the sociopath. There comes a time, when the only thing to do, is to put in place no contact rules, stick to them, and focus on you, and loving yourself and creating your own beautiful world. A world where there isn’t someone constantly trying to pull you apart.

    You deserve so much better:)

    1. Respect to sherry. This has to be the best and oh so true explanation of them all. I am actually done with men. Needless to say boys in big mens trousers.

    2. Thanks sherry, this is exactly what Im going through and I never cheated on this guy since I ben wih him smh but I have caught him talking to other women then still lie when I have talked to the woman.

  36. I have been with my boyfriend for about 9 months now, his past girlfriend had cheated on him and now he is accusing me of cheating but I let him go through my phone and I tell him everything but he still thinks I’m cheating and he doesn’t trust me with guys. I’m at a loss on what to do about this…

  37. I live with my girlfriend for a long time. We own the house together. I NEVER would have expected or suspected her off cheating but after having sex with her I went to the bathroom to pee and I smelled like a condom. I had a vasectomy years back so I was shocked! I don’t know what to think, she actually sent me this link.

    1. I basically think we all dont have to face all these deceit and lies from our spouse…in a case of mine wen i got sick and tired of all the lies and deceit i had to contact a friend of mine to get me the contact of one of the best hackers in the states ..then i met Mr jacob..He saved me from the lies of my cheating husband by hacking his phone..

  38. Thought I should vent here.I’ve been in a realationsp with my bf for nearly 5years now. We both love eachother I believe. Well the 5years wasn’t all rosey and I haven’t been perfect I have met guys behind his back but I have never slept with them. The problem I ddnt tell him of the guys I knew he would be mad as he believes if u are in a relationship u not supposed to have friends of opposite sex.I have a male colleague dat I liked so dearly as a friend and we have always called eachother babe or love we connect so much nd we give eachother advices he grew to be more like a brother to me. And we are not physically attracted to each other romantically now the problem is my boyfriend found our text message where we address eachother as love and he now believes I’m cheating with my colleague now he is questioning if he is an innocent friend why ddnt I tell him my reason is I ddnt tell him because I knew he wouldn’t approve of our friendship I love my bf a lot I also liked my friendship with my friend I don’t knw how to make him understand

    1. your bf is completely justified in his feelings,if your are that close with this college perhaps you should be with him. stop focusing your time and attention on that external male relationship and give your bf the attention he obv is lacking.

    2. You wouldn’t hide anything like that if you’re sincere to your boyfriend. Personal opinion, I really think you’re too much. Just imagine you’re on his shoe. Would you mind a girl called your boyfriend ‘hubby’ ‘baby’ ect. (:

    3. If you have nothing to hide why wouldn’t you talk about your colleague with your significant other? I’d say he has more than a reason to feel the way you’ve just described.

  39. I am so happy I found this website. I have been reading your posts, and know it’s not just me living in this twilight zone. I have been very confused and hurt to my core. He is my love from a long time ago. Over a decade later we found each other again. I felt this was our chance to build a beautiful fun life together. My details have turned into what many of you are experiencing. It happened out of no where and from that point never stopped. I had to cut him out of my life at this point which has been so hard because I am in love with him. I know I don’t deserve this and he obviously will not change. Think to yourself… How long do we have on earth? No one knows. Do you want to spend it scared, nervous, under a microscope and isolated? Not allowed to just be you and be happy? I still love him now, but I can’t suffer for his trust issues. Thank you for giving me strength and hope I made the right choice. I have been struggling and crying for months trying figure out what the hell is going on. Just a waste of love we had… It could have been amazing. He doesn’t see that far. I pray God holds his hand in the darkness since he cannot see. There is nothing I can do now but pray.

  40. My husband & I have been together since 1987, married in 90, had 2 children, one in 89 and the other in 91. I did cheat during our marriage in 94. It was very short lived and was a drunken, stupid mistake that I have taken total responsibility for. I believed he too was cheating with his ex-wife, lead to believe this by his family, not that this was an excuse but at the time I was a vengeful person. My husband caught onto the cheating and I admitted to it. I didn’t deneigh it. It took awhile but we made it through my indisgresion. He swore he hadn’t cheated and I believe him. I lost my mother in 2007 and made the decision to follow her wishes for my future (very late in life) to return to school. I began school within 4 weeks after major back surgery. After being in school for a year my husband started acting suspicious and jealous. Anyone who has been to college knows it requires alot of time, study groups, home work, computer work, library trips, extra credit siminars to attend, ect. Of course college also offers fun times too, football, baseball and basketball games, student assemblies, picnics, etc. all of which I invited my husband to attend with me, some I wasn’t aware of until the day of. After 2 years of school I was diagnosed with breast cancer, stage 4. Although I don’t recall, my husband insist I totally withdrew from him. He insist I turned my back on him.I loved him more than life, I remember him being my rock, taking total care of me, telling me he would gladly take my place. He didn’t know if I would make it or not, I knew I would. I had no doubt I would survive. I was sick, very very sick, tired and out of it but I don’t remember withdrawing from him. We had a couple that was good friends, at least she was, he was good to his friends, not to his family, he is an abusive bastard. Their 3 daughters were like our own. I despise the man. The only reason we ever put up with him is so she could get out of the house and be around people. The only way this guy has friends is to buy them. Now my husband has come up with this grand idea that this horrible man and I are having an affair. NO WAY IN HELL! My husband has become addicted to pain killers in all this mess. I think the pain killers has made him delussional. He has come a long way in recovering from the pain meds but the accussations have not gone away. He has become very abusive, verbally. One week we are fine and life is grand, we snuggle at night, hold hands sitting in the car and walking in the store, the next week he is totally ignoring me, sleeping in the granddaughter’s room, telling me he can’t stand being around me. Telling me how I discuss him. Talking about how I let this other man put his hands all over me, raping me, and how I need to admit to myself all the problems I’ve had as a child. What? We talked to a theropist once. She didnt say what he wanted to hear so we didn’t go back. Now he tells me we need to go to theropist again but go seperately to different theropist. I agree we need a theropist but shouldn’t we have a common theropist? Someone that will work with each of us seperately and together? I love this man, he is the father to our 4 children, we have been to hell and back numerous times and have had eachother’s backs, but I am crying all the time, I have had my antidepressants upped twice. Should I admit to something I didn’t do and try to give him something to move on from? Should I stay with the truth and let him keep hating me because he thinks I am lyeing to him?

    1. You never admit to something you didn’t do! My husband and I were together 27 years married 25 I put up with his verbal and mental abuse a long time trying to save our marriage! According to him I was seeing a married man and one day he punched me in the face so I left and he said to me if you ask me for forgiveness I will give you another chance, everybody tells me you better not do it, what they don’t realize is that I am not that stupid even though I loved him and he wasn’t always mean to me I would rather leave with my dignity, the mistake you made was cheating on him in the first place but I think you said he did too! Any way I will never admit to something I didn’t do! I was a good wife and his insecurities broke us apart it’s his loss! I no longer love him but still care about him!

    2. Im very sorry. Reading your dialogue it is very alike my life.but in my perspective as in your husband and my wife in yours.

    3. The double standard that cheating is justified just because of mistrust is absolutely ridiculous. Cheating is cheating. Trust is very important. If you can’t trust your husband because of your own insecurity issues, then don’t make him suffer. Leave and don’t make him suffer anymore. You don’t deserve to have someone to love you unless you trust, respect and you’re honest the one who loves you. Period.

    4. I’ve considered doing the same thing…admitting to something I didn’t do & then almost did it…it’s a feeling worse than lying & when you back out of it, it makes things worse. I’ve been where you are & still am.

  41. Hello,
    My husband and I have been together for 7years and we have four beautiful children together. He has cheated on me in the past, at beginning of our relationship when i was 3months pregnant with our first child. For almostour entire relationship I have been accused of cheating on him, i NEVER HAVE! According to him i have slept with the bartenders where i have worked, i have slept with any guy i have said even two words to on Faceboo ( which i no longer have because of his trust issues, my messages go straight to his phone for my Facebook) . He makes “something” out of nothing and says i was being shady. For example, i said i was going to the store for just accouple of things and since i decided to get more than i anticipated, then that was shady behavior on my part and i deceived him. Another example, he wanted to leave the house to cash his check, since i forced him to take our two oldest children and i called him while he was gone to see how long he would ve (becausedinner was aalmost done) he then said i was trying to see how much time i would have before he got back so i could have someone over. While im here with our two yougest children, a nnewborn and 18month old. I am a stay at home mom so i am home all day with our children ages 5-newborn. He is always bringing up things from the past and present and says i was shady and i cheated on him. Every situation he brings up could look shady but it truly wasnt. Well not all, some situations. If i get mad bc i am simply tired of being wrongfully accused, then i am defensive bc i did it! If i say ” screw this im not even talking to you about this anymore bc it didnt happen” then i dont even care so im guilty. I have tried countless times to sit him down and tell him this is all in his head and i would never cheat on him or hurt him and how much i love him and it doesn’t do me any good. I get called a liar. I say ” if you really think i have done this to you then why r you with me”? I have offered countless times to take a lie detector test to prove my innocence, and he says ” im such a good liar that i can make myself believe i have never cheated and so i could easily pass a polygraph. He alsi tends to completely make up things that i have said or didn’t say, that I did or didn’t do. He also says he bets our last two children arent his, but he doesn’t act that way, and of course they are his . I constantly have to watch what i do or say bc i know he will start up i am obviously cheatingon him. I have given him eeverything he asks for, i always answer my phone, i take pictures of where im at…i just dont know what else to do. There is abuse called GASLIGHTING, i swear he does this to me. I am miserable constantly defending myself for things i have never done. I really dont know what else to do, we cant afford therapy, any advice would be great. Thank you

    1. Sorry i cant give u any advice, but ur story is exactly like mine . We have been married 7 and since dating 10 yrs. Today he asked me if i was willing to do a dna test on the kids.. like really?? We have been separated aince july 1st. I cant take it anymore. Its been going on constantly for 5mths

    2. Been where your at…I’ve also taken pictures of where I’m at (at work, the store, whereever). I’ve also gotten accused of being defensive when in fact I’m sick & tired of being falsely accused. It sucks big time 😔

  42. Hello,
    My husband and I have been together for 7years and we have four beautiful children together. He has cheated on me in the past, at beginning of our relationship when i was 3months pregnant with our first child. For almostour entire relationship I have been accused of cheating on him, i NEVER HAVE! According to him i have slept with the bartenders where i have worked, i have slept with any guy i have said even two words to on Faceboo ( which i no longer have because of his trust issues, my messages go straight to his phone for my Facebook) . He makes “something” out of nothing and says i was being shady. For example, i said i was going to the store for just accouple of things and since i decided to get more than i anticipated, then that was shady behavior on my part and i deceived him. Another example, he wanted to leave the house to cash his check, since i forced him to take our two oldest children and i called him while he was gone to see how long he would ve (becausedinner was aalmost done) he then said i was trying to see how much time i would have before he got back so i could have someone over. While im here with our two yougest children, a nnewborn and 18month old. I am a stay at home mom so i am home all day with our children ages 5-newborn. He is always bringing up things from the past and present and says i was shady and i cheated on him. Every situation he brings up could look shady but it truly wasnt. Well not all, some situations. If i get mad bc i am simply tired of being wrongfully accused, then i am defensive bc i did it! If i say ” screw this im not even talking to you about this anymore bc it didnt happen” then i dont even care so im guilty. I have tried countless times to sit him down and tell him this is all in his head and i would never cheat on him or hurt him and how much i love him and it doesn’t do me any good. I get called a liar. I say ” if you really think i have done this to you then why r you with me”? I have offered countless times to take a lie detector test to prove my innocence, and he says ” im such a good liar that i can make myself believe i have never cheated and so i could easily pass a polygraph. He alsi tends to completely make up things that i have said or didn’t say, that I did or didn’t do. There is abuse called GASLIGHTING, i swear he does this to me. I am miserable constantly defending myself for things i have never done. I really dont know what else to do, we cant afford therapy, any advice would be great. Thank you

  43. I am fed up of constantly accusing my husband of cheating, it has to stop!
    I am looking forward to reading up and hopefully accessing some of the services that this site has to offer. Many thanks.

    1. May I suggest to embrace on two things: Trust and Communication. That’s the basis of a relationship. Without these, no relationship can survive.

  44. i have a 3 year old daughter with this guy and for a year already ive been acuused of cheating with as many as 10 different guys and he sends me videos on my phone of pornhub saying it was me i dont know if its a way to justify that maybe hes addicted to porn. he accuses me when we are on the phone saying im breathing hard or i sound like im scared to talk. hell text me at work and tell me im following him in so and so car and that its my fault and tos top following him. when im clearly at work. hell randomly text me tell me to quiet down that im being to loud insinuating that he can hear me with some guy and im clearly in bed with my daughter. hell text me telling me he finally found who its been all along i just dont know what to do anymore he stays away but im scared one day hell come around

    1. Ok anyone can help please do…. Today my gf of almost 12 yrs two kids went to take a lie dectector test,and failed. So back when let’s say the first couple months we started dating there was an awkward moment between my, me ,my bestfriend and hers. We staying a a circle just talking when the conversation between the group was now only between my gf and my bestfriend. As me and her bestfriend were kinda watching from the outside in for some reason my gf looked up and down at my bestfriend. A scroll up and down slow enough to make it awkward. Not only was I aware of it but her bestfriend had the same look I did. So after we all parted way I confronted her about it and was quickly shut down with a no that never happened. So from here I was a lil skeptical about our new relationship. To add….before us I mean like 6 months before I was cheated on. Had to let u know that has a big impact on my trust issues and kinda helps see the big pic. Back to the a couple years pass and this is where I loose it. My gf, my cousin, and I were relaxing at my My house or actually it was a studio so not so and my cousin were playing a video game while my gf was cleaning up the house. I had to go to the restroom my gf was already close to the system so I ask her I she can change the game we’ll I went to take a piss. So I go the the bathroom I finish going pee I turned on the water to wash my hands as just put my hands in the water I remember to tell my gf which game so I walkout to tell her leaving the water running cause I wasn’t finish washing. As I’m walking out I have to turn right the enter the living room I see my gf on her knees and my cousin standing right beside her. And letting u know this happened really fast. When I turned and seen them he jumped back with a scared shitless face and my gf had the same reaction. So I’m boiling inside and for some stupid reason I didn’t confront them. We sit down watching tv in silence then he says he has to go. So still boiling we say bye he leaves. As soon as the door closes I immediately ask her what that was about. And got the same response as the other one and was told nothin happened. I asked then what’s up with the reaction. She denies there being a reaction then get answerd with what relation nothin happened. So from here on out we had problems after problems . Life seemed so unfair. Most of the time I’m beating myself up for not saying anything. But shit happens and sometime nothin happens. So years pass again never did I drop it so I always made sure she knew I would never forget that. So more arguing ended up with her admiring there was a reaction but her reaction wasn’t because she was doing something wrong but she was reacting to him and why he reacted like that. So that was that for the reaction part hasn’t changed since the second time. Ok so more arguing continues over the years oh and she admitted to kinda flirting with my bestfriend in the beginning of the story. But now she kinda take it back cause she feels like she wasn’t but when I tell her if I was in that situation would u feel the same way. So going back to the other. So more argue meants go on and it’s already branded in my head that she was doing something she shouldn’t of. I tell her my main problem is their reaction and why was she still on her knees when I had the chance to take bathroom break. Not sure if u guys know how quick it is to change games nowadays but it’s not longer than a man piss. The last problem being that she was way to close to him especially her being on her knees while he stands a inch or two away. Now she says she was changing the game he came up to her and started to talk to her. That’s is that’s all that happened. Again lots of arguments but that’s as far as it goes nothin changed we still saying the same shit. And of course I acuused her from there till today of cheating on me and with about anyone I see something awkward or too friendly. I’m spinning right now. So now back to her failing the lie detector. I don’t know what to do. In all honesty I love her she’s helped me through a lot she looks me dead in the eyes some time peaceful most time yelling that she has never cheated on me. I’ve never left just on the fact that I love her and don’t want to make a mistake on leaving the right one. Just those two incidents are ripping us apart and being the reasons why I blow up and can’t let myself just be happy. I was really hoping and believing that she would of walked in and threw the test in my face tell me that I was wrong the whole time. I was ready and willing to take that all in and also try to make those years up.another reason and maybe the main reason now I don’t want her to leave is cause of my kids. Plan and simple I don’t want them to be hurt my actions or my gf. I don’t want to split up a family or possibly have them calling another man their dad. I love waking up everyday to my kids. And to point out she is a great mother I wouldn’t want them to have anyother woman in the world to take her place as their mom. Well I just wanted to as a couple of questions on what I should do but it ended up a lifetime story. Women preferably cause I would like a females perspective on this but any help would be appreciated. Reading all these story was a big reason why I am so confused women on her seem like they might be accused of the kinda the samething sound so hurt and exhausted trying prove their innocence. Pretty much all of u sound like u are telling the truth. Please any advise or someone else’s perspective will really Mean a lot

      1. First of all I don’t believe lie detectors are full proof I think you can be nervous taking one even if you are innocent! Although she acts a bit suspicious at times don’t accuse her get proof and don’t be paranoid things reveal themselves eventually! Don’t waste you time being mad and fighting life is too precious and short! And if you do find out for sure she is cheating then she is not worth the sadness and grief then find yourself someone who will love and respect you the way you deserve and always be there for your children but don’t stay in a relationship of no love and respect your children will suffer mine did!

    2. My boyfriend and i have been together for 2 years, i found out i was pregnant and he took the news really well. But now, hes saying im a whore and sleeping with everyone i lay my eyes on. He swears hes not the father to my baby and i “need to find someone else to father this child” because according to him, i sleep with so many people so i have no idea who the father is. Now, i was 14 when i met him. I lost my virginity to him, he was my first kiss, and the first person ive ever held hands with, but to him im just a nasty whore. Ive been nothing but faithful to him for two full years, i dont even talk to other males. Im starting to think he’s really unhappy about our child, or hes cheated on me in the past, or present. I just know i cant handle being accused anymor, when ive done NOTHING wrong.

      1. Hi i know what you are going through i have a 4 year old from previous relationship and a 5 month old with my husband n pregnant again by my husband he calls me everything under the sun and keeps accusing me of cheating men obviously do not realise our hands are full with kids sorry wen do we find time to cheat even though i wouldnt i love him dearly i know its hard amd is upsetting i have decided to isolate myself from alot of people and now feel down coz i have done that lost good friends but they obviously have trust issues or they are cheating themselves it all takes time if it dont solve best thing to do is go ur own ways for sake of all ur healths n also so ur child dnt pick up on it as it can affect them aswel i know its hard but u will do what u think is right

  45. Ok, here it is i met my now husband seven years ago. He was married we worked together. We were best buds. We talked about everything…he chased me for four years and i wouldn’t do anything with him because of the fact he was married and my father was cheated on by my mother alot… and so my father raised me that there is nothing classy about it. so I told my husband that if he wanted me he would do it the right way and ask me on date when he was single. So two years later he divorced his wife.. Now here is where i feel things started going wrong i found out that during his divorce he was telling is now ex things to get things he wanted out of the divorce. So that explained why she would show up at my house screaming things. Then found out he was calling people on my phone bill and tracking me and yet he was riding around with another women drinking beer til one in the morning. Then when asked he would lie or say well we werent really together so didnt think i needed to tell you. Well he came to me and asked if i could help him try meth he was curious and every part of me was against it because i knew the darkness of it… well i did and then for now two years ive watched it turn a loving gentle caring man who i fell madly in love with to a man i despise and hate..i have found so many things leading me to believe he is or has cheated. but now because i found things in his email and history on yahoo it looks as though im the one cheating and im not. im not ready to walk away or give up but what do i do?

    1. I’m assuming he was using your phone or account to log onto “scandelous” activity. Been there know what you mean.

  46. It’s good to know that I’m not the only one. I know my comment will be buried here but I just want to write this down and let my frustration out.
    I’ve been with my boyfriend for over a year now, in the beginning, it was perfect, I thought I found someone who I can spend the rest of my life with and have a family together. He would text me all day and all night. Send me roses to work and take me to places where I’ve never been. Then gradually it started….. He would question me, where I’ve been, who I’ve seen. Why I stare at guys on the street. Why I wear makeup to work, who am I trying to impress. Then he would ask me to take videos and pictures of places I’ve been to. He would smell me whenever I get home. He says, I smell very different than usual when I’m at home. I must be having an affair at work. Why else would I smell different? He would monitor my phone calls and text messages. He has all of my passwords to everything I have. I show him proof and work emails that I have meetings and work parties. I face-time him whenever I’m with friends. I text him constantly at work. I don’t take breaks and eat in the office where I would text and face-time and record videos of myself. But it still wasn’t enough. He thinks I have someone else. Even though, I shower him with gifts to make him happy, I support him financially, because he doesn’t work and he is always on poker websites (thinking he will hit it big one day). He has two children with two different other women before me. But I didn’t mind and supported him when he going through a custody battle. But no. It wasn’t enough. Even after everything I’ve done for him, it still doesn’t prove that I never cheated on him. Sometimes, I feel I want to end it all to prove my love to him. That he is the only one for me. Maybe this one last step, it would make him realize that I was honest and faithful to him all along….

    1. Please don’t, he has a problem not you. You sound like a very dedicated and understanding woman. Don’t let some twisted guy who doesn’t appreciate you destroy your self worth, not to mention your daughter. If my girl knew that I wrote this she would put me through hell so please don’t ever think ending it all is an option to prove love.

    2. Get out! He is obviously a complete loser! That type of control is very stressful and dangerous as well and care more about yourself than that my girl! What good would ending it all do you would be gone and he would just move on and find someone else to torture! Be careful!

  47. I’ve been with my husband for 10 years married for 8 years. We have had ups and downs in our releationship but we always have worked through it. We both have some trust iusses with each other but being accused everyday of cheating is really hurting our relationship and I’m at my breaking point. We have 2 daughters and a l!title boy on the way which he says is not his. Im not cheating on him but no matter what I say or do he will not believe me. It’s even gotten to the point were he records everything I do everyday while he is at work and then insists he hears a guy laughing or yawning and so on. I have not or would not ever bring another man into the home that me and my husband have made together. He wants a DNA test done when the baby is born and without a fuss I’ve agreed hoping that would convince him that I’m not cheating. Ive even offered to take a lie detector test to prove my innocence but that still does no good. This is affecting our marriage in a huge way and im scared it will lead to a divorce. Until I have the lie detector test done and the baby is born and a dna test is done which both will prove my innocence I dont know what to do? Everyday is a non ending fight and I dont know if I should just deal with it the best I can until we have the tests done or leave? I dont want my marriage to end but I also don’t know if I can handle another day of fighting and being put down and constantly defending myself. If anyone has been in this situation and has any advice on what I should do I would greatly appreciate ur advice.

    1. I am in the same boat as you! I am so tired of the comments the slide remarks! It’s to the point that we can’t watch something about cheating or even talk about a situation that involved cheating because I have to hear a sermon about going to hell and answering for your wrong doings. I love my husband but I feel like a foot is on my chest and I want to breath. Tonight at dinner he told me he doesn’t love my heart anymore he used to. So pretty much he is not in love with me and I need to go. I just don’t know what to do anymore.

    2. No matter if you take the lie detector or dna, he will cont to find other ways to accuse you. Leave as fast as you can!

    3. I agree with Cindy! No matter what you do nothing will ever change I did the lie detector thing stood by his side for many years or should I say wasted many years! Because I loved him and didn’t want my marriage to end! You see the problem is not yours it’s his! By the way all this fighting and sadness will affect your children for life! Do yourself and your kids a favor get out and give your family peace!

    4. DONT EVER TAKE A POLYGRAPH TEST. I took one for my wife to finally prove my innocence after 22 years and 5 kids. I figured I go in and tell the truth what can go wrong. Well it went wrong!!!! Really wrong!!!! It showed deception on 3 levels. When I got back home my wife wouldn’t talk to me and I would probably feel the same not knowing anything about it at the time but I knew I told the truth so then I started researching and come to find out that more innocent people are falsely accused then anything. For every one guilty guy they catch 10 innocent people are falsely accused. My wife is proceeding with a divorce and to make matters worse she sent dirty picture to a lawyer in the wrong state to try and get divorce papers which tells me she really isn’t thinking straight. She has some other deep mental issues that I won’t get into. Her entire family including her only sister 3 brothers mother and father and her 2 oldest sons 1 19 and 1 14 all know that she is having a mental break down and won’t listen to reason and its this polygraph test that did it. I also think she is cheating on me now because I have found thong underwear that she has worn and she hasn’t worn them in a long time not to mention she will leave for hours at a time only telling my daughter where she is but that don’t mean she’s telling her the truth either. I get the heart break from her thinking rhis tert is right but I tried to show her the truth about them “anti polygraph” look it up it might just save you your family. Anyway inwas always faithful to my wife and will be. I just don’t know what else I can do at this point. She is hell bent on divorce.
      I am destroyed.

  48. My husband and I have been married for nearly 15 years. He’s always insinuated that I cheat, I never have. Got tired of his accusation and started to build supportive people around my kids and I and my husband singled one person and is convinced I’m having an affair with this person.

    Today he took my girls and swung by this persons house, talked to him for 10 minutes while the girls when in the car, came back into the car and told my teenage daughter, 7 year old and 4 year old “That’s the man your mother is having an affair with.” I was in complete shock!

    Regardless whether or not, a person should NEVER say that to a child. Oh…One more thing he thinks that there are many more that I’ve had affairs with and have called ever person on my phone list who are parents to our children’s friend’s. How embarrassing is that? He thinks he’s right in doing this and oh I forgot add that he wants to sue the therapist I’ve been going to for nearly three years because he think he violated my right and convinced me to do this.

    Emotionally exhausted and ready to leave.

    I will never let him instill fear in my life again.

    In the end my children and I will be happier and calmer once he finally moves out.

    Good luck to you all. I can only say that things will get worse if your spouse does not recognize his/her insecurity. Stay safe, stay strong and best of luck to you all.

    1. I am feeling like reading my own story here. We been married for almost 23 years now. I do not know where to begun. My husband thinks I had an affair with one of our customer. He read few of the emails we exchanges, which were not the complete emails, just the half of our conversation, becs he used to come to our store. I was never attracted to him or had any kind of feelings whatsoever. He was not even my type, way older than me. But I always found him funny and entertaining, he made laugh with his funny stories and for that reason I used to talk to him. I showed my husband few emails he sent me . He thinks that a man and woman can not be friends. We have totally different thinking. I can be friends with men and women , no problem. In one email this guy said something bad which even I did not like , I told him he should not say things like this, and he said he misunderstood me and wanted to see how I react . And he also apologize to me and said this will never happen again and I was ok with that. Other than this this guy never behave badly or did anything wrong. I wanted to give him a benefit of doubt. After all we are all human beings, people make mistakes. Everyone deserve second chance. But since he read those emails, my husband , went to his house showed all the emails to his son and even told my kids and his family , my family and his friends that I am having affair. No one believed him , becs it is not true. What make’s me mad is after 2 years he is still accusing me of having an affair and saying bad things which I never thought I can hear in my lifetime from my husband . He is making my and my daughters life miserable. I tried everything nothing works. Now he accuse me of having affair with every person I smiled with. Feel like I am a prisoner. My daughter is 15 , and she is going through hail becs of our fights. He starts anywhere. His mood change anytime. I am scared to live with him. I loved this man so much. never thought about myself in my entire like, and that person is accusing me of cheating . I know even I leave him I will always think about him. Since he saw the emails he is keeping eye on me like a hawk. I always felt he never care about me, Only thing he did good is make money which I do not care. He never made me happy the way I wanted him. He is a good father, but was never a good husband. He never gave me what I wanted but I always loved him. At this point I do not know where I stand, I do not want to talk to him, I do not feel connected, how I can love some one who has treated me so terribly. He is kind of a person who judge people very easily. That is why I can not talk to him about everything. He asked me why I did not tell him about the things this guy said. I did not becs I new he is not going to solve the problem but all he will do is to increase the problem and that what he did. He has destroyed our lives, and still he is not getting it. Sometimes I feel like killing myself but than I think about my parents I do not want them to go through this pain, they are very old .I always made compromises for him , but when it came to understand me a little bit he failed. Just because of he can not be friends with women he thinks having friendship with apposite sex is bad. Because of his own insecurity he is making our lives hail. The person he accused me of having affair , I haven’t in touch since the day he asked me to stop talking to him. I get so mad when he says things, I can not even describe. I always hated people like him and now I am struck with one of them. Feels like if I live with him I will go insane, but then I think of our daughters and do not want to leave. But at this point I have no strength left not mentally or physically.
      Do not know what will happen tomorrow. All I want is live our life peacefully and happily without any drama.

  49. I have been dealing with so much during my relationship. When my partner and I starting seeing one another she was in the process of leaving a long term relationship. I asked her if she was out of it completely because I did not want any drama and she reassured me her relationship with her x was over but that was far from the truth she was flip flipping between the both of us and we all were hurt because of it. Eventually I wasn’t sure I could even love her again but ibgave her one last chance and she propo sad to me and said she wanted to be in my life and me in hers. She had continued tobtalj to her x and have her work number to her and talks fe in their who known how often? Now she is accusing me of cheating and I don’t have a car so I don’t get out much….I volunteer 4 times a month. She keeps insisting at looking through my phone. ..She just blocked me from facebook….yet she says she lives me and can’t wait to marry me. I am to a point I don’t belive that and she is accusing me of cheating. I don’t have many friends. I do get onnky phone I do read alit of articles online….I just don’t get it!

  50. Hi,
    Ok I’m going to try and keep this short so those of you who know, know the emotions go in hand,

    I have been with my partner for 21yrs, I meet him when I was 18, I trusted him with all my heart, until……
    I found out he had come onto my mum 6 weeks after we had a second child,
    Two… Our relationship starting falling and instead of us trying to find ways to improve he went out and slept with a 17yr old.
    We 5 yrs on are still dealing with our problems and our relationship is improving, but whenever we argue and this gets mentioned in the moment he now says that he thinks i have or is cheating on him and that he has always thought it,
    I have never cheated nor want to and i can’t understand why he is turning this on me, I know he lives with shame and guilt and is truly sorry for his poor choices but why after all this time working it out is he accusing me of cheating? Can’t help to wondering if this is stage 3.

    1. Girl! Kids or no kids he would have made a move on my mother I would have canned him! What a scumbag not to mention being with a little girl! Leave him you deserve better!

  51. My ex n I had so many issues because of this. He accused me of cheating on him when I really didn’t. I had some bruises on my legs near my knees n he automatically thought it was another’s man’s thumbs during sex. He couldn’t see a single mark on me cuz it was a hickie. Since than it was trust issues all the way. I never did anything he accused me of. Our relationship was great n perfect until we decided to move in to another apartment. But when he lived with me, none of this was happening. N now as we speak, its to the point where he ignores me n wants me out of his life. Obviously there was problems in between but everything happened because of the whole cheating situation. I didn’t know how to convince him I never cheated. But he’s over the situation but now it’s like I don’t exist to him.

    1. I been knowing my child’s father since I was 15 (7 years), we been together for a year. My relationship has turned. He thinks im cheating on him but I really do love him. I can’t get him to believe me. He comes home at 2 or 3 in the morning, and think it’s ok. No man should stay out all night. If anyone should feel some type of way it should be.. I wanna fix my relationship but it’s not getting better it’s getting WORSE!!!

    2. My story with my ex is similar to yours except that he would get verbally and sometimes psychically abusive with me. I did everything i could to assure him, from giving him my passwords to cutting contact with all my guy friends. But I guess his mind was already set on believing im a cheater since day 1.

      He was a very possessive and insecure man. Its been 3 months since i broke up with him, and he is still taunting me with false accusations. Even at this moment right now, hes calling me a whore.

      I was 100% faithful to him throughout our relationship but he probably thinks its too good to be true. Its his problem then, for making himself angry over nothing. I used to be affected by it but now i refused to take any crap i dont deserve.

      Theres no point convincing someone like that. It would only be a waste of time and emotions. These sort of men will always believe what they want to believe. We are better off without them.

    3. I wish I could advise on an answer to your problem as mine is the same. Now I have to watch a woman I love and adore walk away from me. Silly thing is I know she loves me but wont talk to me. I need a Valium.

    4. Wow! I was in almost the exact situation. We never lived together, but we were together almost all the time. I was accused of bruises being sex marks and so many insane things. I never even THOUGHT about cheating on him. I love him w/ all my heart, but a week ago he decided he doesn’t want me in his life anymore BECAUSE I CHEAT!!! He went from wanting to be w/ me every moment to not wanting anything to do w/ me. He won’t talk to me at all. He ignores all my attempts to talk to him. I don’t understand how that happens. Now I am sitting here heartbroken over a man who left me for things I never would’ve done!! I am so confused.

  52. Dear all,

    I am in a situation where I dont know what to do and I dont know which door to knock to help me.

    I am married since 2007 and after one i got a daughter, me and my wife were happy. and since then as in every couple there is some ups and down i presume, in our married relationship also there were some minor and major ups and down which could be dealt about.

    But then after 5 five year of marriage, my wife started doubting me on hear and say of other people. Me I know have never been unfaithful to my wife. I have always loved my wife and I can tell that when I am married, I am married to only one who is my wife and there will be never another one in my life.

    But my wife always blame me and abuse me that I have an affair with someone and at each every dispute that we have she associate me to that person and abuse me. Me i was very hurt the first time when she accused me. At that time I was working hard for my family and when I used to return home late all the time she accused me that I am having an affair and that I am meeting someone. She didnt realised that I was working hard for my family.

    The most hurtful thing is that she always associate me with a lady. That lady was just a friend of mine and me i know since i got marriage, 2007, i have never contacted that lady nor talked to her.

    Since 2013, my life is being painful. In several circumstances I tried to explain to her that i have never been unfaithful to her, she calm down and when we get small small dispute she started abusing me.

    I dont want to loose her, i dont want our relationship to break just because of her imagination.

    In 2015 we got a son, I thought now she’ll be ok and that we will live happily, but no. Just after 2 her delivery I found a small device in my bag which is used for espionage. I was very angry and hurt also. I questioned her about that, and tried to explain to her that I am faithful to you so why all these.

    Till then there has been small small disputes which again she abuse me and blame me.

    In december, I was about to go abroad for 7 days for work. She wanted to come along with me, which I had refused because i was going for working purposes and it would be odd as my company was sending me there. Even if she would go there, I would be distant and would not be able to go along visit places with her.

    When I had refused one week before going abroad, she called me when I was working and started abusing me and telling me that, to take the other lady along with you thats why i had refused her to come along. She started abusing me and blaming me. She was insisting on me that I would take the other lady along. In anger I said yes, I would take other lady and that I am having an affair. I swear that’s a lie, I dont have any affair with anyone. This only I know.

    Since that day I feel that I have lost my world.

    I talked to her parents her parents talked to her, but she dont listen. I am trying my best to make her understand but in vain.

    She had left to her parents place. Two days before I took plane, I had gone to her parents tried to explain, then I took her back home.

    After I return, we had seen a counsellor, the day we met the counsellor, everything seems ok, but when we returned home till today, 11 Jan 2016, she keep saying that she dont love me and that she is staying under one roof just because our kids.

    I dont know what to do, since we met the counsellor till today, I am trying my best to talk to her to ask her to sit and we talk. But she keep on saying that I am not a trustful person etc.

    Somebody can help me what to do in such situation. I want to clear her doubts, but dont know from where to start.

    I had even told her to come along and ask that lady if really am having an affair with her, but she denied and say that I will invent a story and make her beleive.

    What can i do in such a situation.

    Please help me


    1. Pray about it. You will never be able to change anyone no matter how you try but God can. Keep praying until he answers you.

      1. So true, only God can fix the mess. My wife just came in from work went through my phone woke me up asking me who are you seeing at your mom’s house? She works at a sports bar while I’m cooling with our kids doing nothing at all. It’s such a stress everyday being called a cheater when I’m doing stuff for my parents like yardwork or playing with my nieces. So like the reply that struck me the most said”Pray” I’m a Christian is not easy but I have help through Jesus Christ. It gets spider need once you accept Jesus as your love and savior. The devil brings the heat then but There is a sure way out. Not trying to get off the sub, I look at it like this he was an accuser and as a faithful married man I’m being accused SO l..

  53. I love my boyfriend very much. We have been together for almost a year. It doesn’t happen as often, but I still get asked (usually from left-field) if there’s “someone else.” And whenever it upsets me, he says it was “just question.” Is that not complete bull? How can it be just a question? I think it’s because of my past. He knows that when I’m single I’m a different person. I’m flirtatious and outgoing, and I’ve had 1 or 2 friends with benefits (not at the same time). He knew about my relationship with my ex, how bad it became, and that I tried to break up with him (my ex) and it failed (because he threatened me and I was scared to try again). After that point, I felt like my ex and I were no longer in a relationship even though technically we were “still together,” and I ended up cheating on him (my ex).

    The thing is, my boyfriend new about this BEFORE we started dating. Me and him talked about everything I was up to as friends and coworkers. But he still developed a crush and me, and he ended up telling me that he liked me, then we started talking, and that evolved into us dating. In the beginning it was treacherous. We fought (verbally) at least twice a week. It’s gotten much better, but he still comes out of nowhere with the cheating accusations. I would NEVER cheat on him. I explained to him that that situation was different because I was scared of that guy and that’s the only reason we were “together.” I told him that our relationship is different. Because usually my MO is that, if I’m not happy, I’m not going to cheat. We’ll discuss things and they don’t improve I’m just going to leave you! I’ll always leave before I cheat!

    Last night my boyfriend and I basically came to the conclusion that his cousins have been lying to him most likely in a ploy to get him to come back to Detroit. (I when I say lying, I really mean being deceptive a-holes coming up with this entirely elaborate story) He’s got a lot on his mind because of it, which I understand. And we ended up going to bed pretty late. Because of some unfortunate circumstances, sometimes I have to give him money before his next check. Last night he said that in the morning, we would leave together to go to the bank and I could drop him back off at the apartment. But I knew he was tired and had a lot on his mind. So this morning, I told him that I would just take a quick shower, get dressed quickly, and go by myself and come back to give it to him then leave for work. He decided to respond to that by asking me the question “is it because there’s someone else?” Who the FUCK does that? When I got mad, he said it was just a question? That he doesn’t think I’m cheating. SO WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU EVEN ASK THE FUCKIGN QUESTION? Can that question even be asked without accusatory tones? Don’t I have the right to get mad, ESPECIALLY because I was trying to be considerate?

    1. After reading this comment I would want to say that your boyfriend has a reason to feel that way. Acting like if you were single, friends with benefits and all of those matters that you think it’s ok for you, it doesn’t settle with the rest. When you commit to someone, you only commit with the person you love. Everything changes. Past relationships can’t mix with an existing one. I agree that both of you need to sit down and talk about the current status of the relationship that both of you have. If you still have the ongoing mentality of a “single woman” despite of being ina realtionship, then you shouldn’t be in any relationship at all.

  54. I hear all of you. To not be able to trust your partner is like cyanide to your relationship. Whether it kills slowly or quickly, make no mistake, it will kill it. I have been with my “boyfriend” for 2.5 years and the only time I trusted him was in the first six months or so while I was under the influence of the “affair fog” as they call it. You see, I am the other woman. And I live with constant fear, insecurity and paranoia that he is, has or will cheat on me. Why? Because I know what he is capable of. Because I know he cannot be faithful to the woman he has been married to for 25 years. Why would I be any different? Because I am special? Isn’t that we all want to think? In fact, we sell ourselves on this lie to keep ourselves in this “relationship?” We may be special for the moment until at any time and for any reason he decides to abruptly pull the plug without one single look back to you and without one ounce of emotion. It used to be a fantasy but that fantasy cannot continue forever… especially after 2 years. Reality starts to rear its ugly head and you frantically and desperately try to push it away in a vain bid to hold on for dear life. But all you are doing is holding on. Not living. Not loving someone fully. Just fearful you will lose your object of addiction. The loss of your happy place and the man who is your tool for self medication because your real life is unbearable. Our relationship has just begun to be plagued with trust issues as I am not able to handle them as well as before. The longer we are together, the worse it seems. I am possessive of him and controlling as much as he lets me. I am constantly jealous of other women in his circle and I have the misfortune of having a man who works with mainly woman. This adds insult to injury and more salt to the wound. I constantly beg him for more affection, more emotional investment. I beg him to love me like I love him. He tries to keep me happy and does it for the sake of keeping his sex toy in position but then he falters again. And I seek him out and chew him out over not caring… on and on. He steps it up again. Then drops the ball. It is a vicious cycle. I am always seeking him out. Needing, craving his attention. Him needing and craving my attention. He likes that. He loves that I am clingy and insecure and do not trust him. He feels he has power over me and that I will never leave him. He was my first sexual experience and I am much younger than he is. He loves my youth, beauty, my body, my vitality and passion and zest for life. Sometimes I feel like he is a vampire preying on me. Using me for his own gain. His own gratification. His ego boost. His need to feel alive and like a man. Because his wife gave up on him years ago. He loves that I am his first. He loves that he is special that way and that the experience I am gaining sexually is all his. He has fought to stay with me. We have had many arguments all over my accusations of him cheating. And he stays. I can accuse him a thousand times and probably has and he forgets all about it. Easily. It isn’t like he even gets mad. He just dismisses it like he has an off switch. No emotions at all. I wonder why he does not get upset at me when I accuse him and it is constant. I can be very vicious and I have called him names and have become very mean. Yet he remains calm throughout. I am not sure why? How many men could take this all the time? And why would they keep putting themselves through it? He has the choice to leave me too if I am being abusive to him that way. And yet he is so quick to forgive and forget. Every single time I have an outburst. It is hard to be with him. Damned if I do and damned if I don’t. We have a history now. Yeah just half a relationship you can say but he does care about me. Or so he says. We have some sort of strange connection. We are similar souls and partners in crime. I know his mind because he knows my mind. I cannot explain it. I feel empty without him. And I have cried myself to sleep many nights. And I am often unable to function during my real life. I have a child and I am a mom. But to juggle real life and this affair is the hardest thing in the world because my real life is starting to suffer. I feel like I am living in a house of cards and it has been staying up by the grace of God but ready to crash down any moment, any day. So the stress I live with in my mistrust is unbearable. It eats away at my soul. My self esteem has plummeted. Everybody says why does this beautiful girl look so sad? She should have the world at her feet. And isn’t it funny how the one you want isn’t the one who will move Heaven and Earth for you? But there are plenty of others who would? But you don’t want them!

    1. ive never cheated , but my girlfriend constantly accuses me of it ,,, i cant even open my eyes it seems like …. ive been mad everytime almost well at first in our relationship i was just like ok she doesnt want to loose me or something but just last night some girl comes up to bag our groceries and she acuuses me of cheating … its not my fualt a girl bagged our stuff … so being the man i grab the groceries and thats what got me in trouble …… just being nice got me in trouble … its happened so much i just explode with anger … and tell her like why cant we have one fucking nice night ,,, all i do is for her ,,,, so whether i get mad or not i still get accused wether i do her luandry clean after her cook for her by her clothes what ever you name it ,,, i still get in trouble for watching a tv show that has some bitch in it or whatevevr ,,,, like i cant even fucking order a pizza without getting some kinda shit for it …. so it seems like whoever your with is smart and has learned to detatch himself from the bullshit ,,, probly becuase hes delt with some stupid women so just like drawing or music the more you work at it the better you get ,,, so hes become a master of dealing with bullshitt …. but i can most likely garentee you that if he was being loud and getting upset you would want him to be calm and not care ,,, it seems like people always want what isnt happening or going on in front of them … so either way hes fucked ,,, he just doesnt waste his time or energy ,,, seems like a smart guy …

  55. Hello ! So I have been dating my boyfriend for 2 years now and towards the beginning of our second year it’s been hectic. We have some trust issues and try to work on them. He always accuses me of cheating and accusing me of flirting. Honestly, I would never do that to him because I love him so much and I wouldn’t want him to do that to me behind my back. Also guilt would definitely eat me but that’s not the reason I don’t do shit behind his back it’s because I’m loyal and I do love him but recently we were all sharing essays in class and this boy laughed at my essay laughing say it was fake he would mumble about my essay and I would look up but not say Anything because I’m used to not talking to any guys my boyfriend saw me through a window when I was laughing and looking up at the boy but he misinterpreted my body expressions and thought I was flirting. I told him I wasn’t and I would never do that and now he keeps telling me I gucked up and I’m a flirt but I’m not ? If laughing at people as a group makes me a flirt then idk what to do with my boyfriend. I love him and am completely honest rejecting guys as they ask for my number and he thinks the opposite of me I love him but I really don’t know what to do ):

    1. Veronica get out ASAP! I have been with my partner for 15 years….always making excuses and talking about how much I love him. I believed in time he would see me for the woman that I am…..loyal and loving…..and it has only gotten worse. I have been accused of terrible disgusting things….and only I know my truth. There is nothing I can say or do. It is even to the point where he has other women and doesn’t care if I catch him or not because he says I deserve this for all I have done to him. Now we have a five year old son and he says if we separate he will take my son. He says he will not let a filthy whore like me raise our son. I stay for that reason. I have tried to leave and he uses my son to hurt me. Courts don’t help. Believe me…..not that your man is like mine…..but any relationship that has no trust will never end well. It is always hard when you wish things would be different, but know in your heart that you can’t change this person. He will always be insecure and you will always be a cheat. Laughing makes you a Flirt?.. I walk with my head down so he doesn’t say I’m looking at anyone. This is a form of abuse. Don’t end up like me.

      1. I would have to agree I have been with my husband for 14 years married for almost 4. For the last 3 months he has said I don’t care about him he should just move out and that I have a new boyfriend. One thing I know for sure is that I have not cheated on him at all. All he has cause at this point is to put me into severe depression over something I haven’t even done. I am trying to help him but at this point I’m not sure what else can be done. He’s bipolar and he has anger issues like none other.

    2. I am precisely in the very exact position.. except it happened within 6 months after we got together.. he accused me of flirting with my distant cousin after seeing us exchangin pics of each other after getting in touch afttter 10 years.. I was at zero intentions of flirting with my cousin.. howeve the pic my cousin sent me of his was pretty obscene.. I would have understood if my bf got pisst at that.. instead he accused me of sleeping with ppl.. verbally very brutally abused me.. I couldn’t let him go at all even after he said his love for me had died.. I literally bowed n begged him to not leave.. we are together still.. howeve this is a scar that I don’t think is ever gonna heal!! Nevertheless everytime i think about this i die within I still immensely love him..

  56. My man and I have recently celibrated our 2 yrs. But thinks haven’t changed much, he accuses me of cheating and bringing people to the house when he works nights even when I have proof it’s either my friend from work that gives me a ride home from work (gay & married), and my best friend (chick) I’ve known for 13 yrs. He has been acting really weird and always taken his phone places and not leaven it around me. Well one time he did and I looked into the pictures, and found a bought engagement ring. He still hasn’t given me my anniversary gift so I assume it’s for me. Then last night he acussed me of cheating cause their were pictures on a social page of my friends surprise wedding party and her guy friends (also gay) were their and we were taken pictures and he said I was really close to one of them while doing so. He owns the house and I moved in at start of our relationship. He uses his house against me telling me about packing my stuff and leaven. I’m so much in pain of him accusing me when I’m not doing anything wrong. I barley go out with friends and he never comes with me out to meet my friends. I work as a nurse so I’m crazy busy at work but when I don’t have time to get back to him theirs usually 15 messages and usually last 7 are fine u want to break up etc. I really love him and he does treat me so good it’s just at least 4 times at most every couple months.

  57. its amazing how many people are going through this. We been together for 7 years and have a daughter together. i have been accussed of cheating at work with his friends . We’ve tried counselling and it seems to work but only for a few weeks then his back the accussations. I feel i can give up my job as he phones me non stop to find out what i am doing . I feel so trapped and constantly feel like im being watched. I hate feeling like this and i did nothing wrong. I cnt believe he turned out like. Im so angry with him and theres days i wish he wouldnt come home because im not sure what monster is coming home. I really just dnt no how to deal with anymore.

    1. Nikki I am in the same situation. See my comment to Veronica above. It’s 15 years and a child later and the situation just gets worse. I’m afraid he is going to kill me one day in one of his rages that I’m cheating. You sound like me. It doesn’t get better. Get out! I wish I could get this message out to people everywhere. This is a form of abuse. Don’t stay any longer. It will never change. Good luck stay strong. This will strip you of everything. Don’t let it! You deserve a normal life.

      1. Angie,
        Please check out the National Domestic Violence Hotline on my resources page if you are afraid he will hurt you or if he has already. Get away from the abuse.

      2. Hi angie

        i wish i could and it was this simple. We got married and i was hoping things would get better but it didnt. Im at a point hoping he would die. How do you feel like this about someone ? How do people change and become this horrible person. If i distanted from him its because of the things he has said and done. I cnt make myself feel better about him. I wish knew what caused the change. i wish there was some form of explanation. I have prayed and ahve asked god to answer my prayers. I hope one day all these men will see their ways of error and try to make change, Angie i hope you are still strong………….. i said a special a prayer for you. god is on your side

    2. Oh No Angie! DO NOT raise your son in that environment. You know what- he WILL NOT take your son away. Courts are all for hearing all of the evidence. Get references, get yourself educated, find a good job and get out of there! It’s not all about money- I’m not saying it is for you but just remember that the love of a mother far outweighs the abuse that your son will eventually hear and the misunderstanding he will have of your actions when you keep getting accused. Believe me I know…but I keep giving my husband of 26 years- a second chance- my abuse comes generally when my husband is intoxicated- sometimes not. I get questioned about bruises, I don’t talk to people, I have changed jobs so many times to avoid embarrassment and the constant harassment. And you know what? Apparently it is stuff that I start!! Honestly, I am well educated and I put up with this??? I am sure it is our low self esteem and really I have wasted so much of my time. I am starting to become violent towards my husband when he starts on me- not a good idea when he out weighs me by twice my weight and he is a tradesman and I am a paper thin waif! Get out change your name, change your hair, just go and don’t even think of where- just go. We have a government that offers support, Women’s refuge, Police Officers. Damn him for making a fool out of you and brainwashing your son! OMG I have been browsing over everyone else’s comments- I am the stupidest person on this blog site! I get mental abuse, I too pray for him to leave- then I think maybe this is my punishment for something I have done??? I have never ever been unfaithful, never looked at or wanted another man ever. I get accused, occasionally I get pushed around I get the constant phonecalls- I have to make phonecalls – arrive at work, lunch time, leaving work. And I do it to keep the peace. Sometimes I even admit that I over react to his questions- I never over react- who asks their wife if she is cheating- doing it in their lunch time- 5 mins after work or texting people!!! I am so over it!!! My decision is FINALLY made!! I am out of this relationship! I should have listened to my friends but I felt sorry for my then boyfriend- I did not like to be told. Oh no! I hope I live long enough to be me again!

  58. My girlfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years. She is bi polar and on anti depressants. She accusses me of cheating more often then I realize. After reading all the comments on this site I still don’t know what to believe. I feel she has things that she needs to resolve which she’s working on by seeing her therapists. I also feel that though it unfortunate she’s been in situations in the past where she was cheated on, I do not deserve to feel the backlash of it. When I was single, I was a flirt and got around but when it comes to relationships I am honest and loyal. I feel I am at a point where I’m being mistreating and because of this it’s causing me to be disconnected. No matter what I do right or wrong either way I get screamed at. When I ask her to specify things I get screamed out but she doesn’t realise that I’m asking for specific instructions to avoid being screamed at in the end when I don’t do it right or I forget something. Is this what people feel inside or is it just me?

    1. I been with my boyfriend for 10 years. He cheated on my back in 2008. I clearly forgave him because I really do love him. I am getting accused of cheating on him but I am not. I been faithful to him since we been together and he don’t believe me. He calls me all these disrespectful names that really hurts my feelings all the time. When my period comes on he says if u stop f..King different d..ks u would not have that problem. I cry every time he accuses me because I really do be telling the truth and he don’t believe me. What am I supposed to do when he doesn’t trust me. He always tell me me(you know how many b.tchs on my d..k)I tell him go be with them because I am tired of defending myself all the time. When I say something back he tells me if it not true then why are u so mad. Someone please help me

    2. Same boat. Been with my gf for almost 2 years now. She too is bipolar and for the most part it’s manageable. Her episodes of mania seem to always include me cheating on her. I never have nor have I given her any reason to believe I have but she goes off the deep end with the accusations. The other night she took my phone while I was sleeping and messaged a co worker of mine trying to set up a date!!!! This is both unreal and unacceptable. The first year of our relationship was wonderful with only a few incidents. But recently it’s becoming more and more frequent. I believe that people that want to believe things will find things to confirm them and that is what is happening here. It’s very hard to deal with and I know what you are going through.

  59. hi to you all. our problems , real problems in our marriage started about 4 years ago. it was at the time when i left a hospital’s position as a medical doctor which i had very good salary and plenty to spend on travels and shopping plus all bills, credit cards, etc was easily being paid by my income. we both knew that the job at the hospital would end at the end of 2012, i realized tha i had to change some things to be less spender and to quit of expensive habbits plus my wife would have to support now at least most part of the expenses for our family.we had a housekeeper/nanny for our son, a part time gardener, we were going on trips abroad every christmas and easter and long holidays again abroad during summer not to mention weekends during summer in the most exclusive 5 star hotels in northern greece (close where we live) etc., 5 star gym, tennis lessons.from all this ikept tennis lessons until i stopped -she was always said that how can i continue such a hobby since i don’t have enough money to support it, i gradually changed my 5 star gym to a regular simple and most of all cheap gym, i tried to cut the cost of my life as much as i could and now with a much lower income i don’t keep anything for me and i give everything for the needs of our family.right now i’m doing two jobs and still i don’t earn even the half i was earning 4 years ago.always we had quarrels about everything and in general the situation at home was not pleasant at all.we stopped having a housekeeper and i try to help at the house-cooking, ironing, gardening, wash the cars and of course keep our son as happy as i can my true treasure.our intimate relations as a couple changed, i wasn’t feeling romantic very often anymore, i couldn’t feel.i gained 15 kilos i let myself without carrying for it-my appearance, of how i was dressing etc. 2 years ago after all these things i had a nervous breakdown that lasted just for 2 days fortunatelly.i drunk one night to much i took some pills and i was furious i was crying, i was shoutting, i was in a situation that even i i could not understand….i was feeling completelly as a mad person.this was the time that i said to myself that i have to change before it is too late for enerything.i had to save myself, our family, our life together.i started to go again to the gym , i lost all the extra weight, i changed the way i was dressing, the style of my hair i changed my behaviour towards many aspects, i tried to be more friendly with people around, to be more openminded. i was very much satisfied from my new me! a lot of people-friends, aquintances were telling to me how good i look , how happy , how smilling , how….how…how…only good things, the only person who was annoyed by my new me was my wife who started to gain weight not taking good care of her appearance -many times i tried to persuade her to take care of herself-even once she said to me that now my body looks disgusting and my hair style is for only if i were in my early 20″s and my age is 42. of course i did all that for her and for me as well .i wanted this change to feel better because i believe if we are happy with ourselves we can make our partners happy as, 2 years ago i met again with my best-best friend in the whole world again after 7 years(she lives abroad) we spent lot of time together and my wife was always invited to be part of our meetings.she came just 2 times and she said that she was bored to death…then it was the first time that she was very jealous of that relationship and she thought that me and my best friend had a relationship.i was mad how could she ever think of that?what kind of a man my wife after 17 years of married life believes i am?the time passed and my friend returned back home.we kept having e-mails, chat on facebook, sms and my wife always was looking at my e-mails etc.i recently became friend with a guy and we had a very close friendship-we had together a really good time we could talk about everything and anything-i was so tremendously happy to have a friend like that…believe it or not my wife thought that our friendship was…not a simple best friend frienship but a gay relationship!she did everything she could and now i don’t talk with my friend anymore to tell you the truth i miss him so much but i was the one who ended this friendship by saying to him very bad things….i tried to fix things with him but it is too late he doesn’t want to see me or talk to me anymore.few days ago through facebook another guy started chat with me i hardly knew him .at the beggining the chat was about general things but after a while it become a bit strange and he started to flatter me and he wanted to have with me sexual relations….i was shocked at the beggining i did not know what to say ,how to react before blocking him.i was very polite at him and i told him that i’m not intrested in such relations with him.of course once again my wife as a genuine ”mata harry” or ”james bond” spied on my e-mails and she thought that i liked all this kind of she is convinced that i’m seeing other guys, women for sexual relations and she has stopped talking to me.she wants us to go to an advisor for married couples who have troubles in their marriage.i agrred completelly cause i hope in this way she will understand that everything only on her mind.but…still the situation at home is unbearable.if only i could earn more money as before nothing of all that would ever happen.i hope that in the future things will get better between us and she will understand the mistakes she has done…that’s my story….

  60. This been happening for more than a year now. And I wanted out of the relationship, I cannot continue my life this way… Your story is exactly the same with mine. And I don’t know what to do anymore. I wanted to help him I wanted to make the relationship last, I wanted us to grow old together. But that seems to be impossible. Sometimes I’m so angry at him for accusing me of cheating and he will say I’m a bitch in heat! And sometimes he will tell me that the Lord is his witness. I keep telling him over and over and over and over that I’m always loyal to him and never been unfaithful at all. We’ve been married for 13 years and only last year that he has this trust issues? I just wanted to know what’s wrong with him? Does he have some kind of mental illness? Is he going crazy?whats wrong with him. He knows he can never prove his accusations and it is very irrational so what’s wrong with his head? I’m a home based teacher and my husband is jobless so practically together everyday. So I don’t understand how I can cheat on him, and he can even think that I am cheating on him when were together all the time literally all the time??? What’s wrong with his thinking? I wanted to leave but we have a daughter who love him so much , again he only turns into a monster just last year so my daughter still remembers him as a loving , jovial father. What am I going to do? I also can’t leave him because I know he would not allow it and might get violent. I need help I need answer… please.

  61. My boyfriend has never been abusive towards me. At least not psychically. But we have been together for almost four years (weirdly our anniversary is the say as this article that was published) anyway we were 16 and now we’re 20, so we have grown and changed a lot. I’m unsure if we have just been in our relationship for too long and instead of telling me he is unhappy he just accuses me of cheating until I have finally had enough and finally end it? I don’t know. I love him like no tomorrow, I mean hello? I have been with him for 4 years, he is almost all I know! I noticed him start to change after we were together for a little over a year. It’s so sad and scary. Last night he wasn’t treating me nicely, I was upset because I had been feeling unloved and disrespected and he said “cheaters don’t get respect.” Well I have never cheated on him. I think he is accusing me of cheating because I will text a guy from my class at college and he thinks because I’m talking to a guy that equals me cheating when he is just a friend. I’m not sure but it causes a lot of tears, anxiety and stress. I love him and I know he loves me and I know he cares about me. But I don’t want to go back and forth on him being all lovey dicey towards me and then the next week he is back to being mean and accusing me of things that didn’t happen!

    1. There’s nothing wrong about having friends. When there’s no trust and communication, that’s when the problems begin. What you should do is to talk with your boyfriend about everything. The same goes for him as well. All relationships are based on trust and communication. When one or both matters lack, there’s no point to sustain a relationship with someone

  62. I can relate to some of what others have posted here. I thought I had a solid, stable, functional marriage. Looking back, there were a couple of times that his cheating accusations were a problem. And there was evidence that he was at least toying with the idea of cheating (visiting swinger sites, answering personal adds) in the past, but I thought we had resolved those issues. After 17 years together, we attended a social function with a group of people I knew from my past. We both had several drinks and because intimacy was just not working that night, he got it into his head I was cheating. After a month of accusations, I told him he had two choices, marriage counseling or divorce court. I was not going to live with the stress of having to defend myself any longer. It took the counselor explaining that as a woman ages, hormonal changes can make intercourse challenging, especially when involving alcohol. Hmpf, I had been saying that for months. We had been in counseling for a year when I cancelled the sessions. He would talk about sports, politics, current events, cars, how the counselor became a counselor, etc. but he didn’t want to talk about our problems. The only time we talked about his cheating fixation was when I brought it up, and he was always very upset that I did. I told him we were paying for help resolving our issues, not to shoot the breeze. Counseling seems to have helped but the issue cropped up again recently, husband saying ‘my friend saw you flirting with that guy’. Umm, hello, sitting in a dark club with no glasses on, I can’t see three feet in front of my face so how could I be flirting with some stranger across the bar? I told him that it seems that drinking causes his paranoia and he needed to refrain. (lets be clear, he’s not a heavy drinker, he only partakes maybe 2 to 3 times a year). He has been told I love him, he is a good man, but I will not stand for those accusations ever again. Next time I will pack his bags and he will be invited to leave. But here’s the result of those accusations, I rarely want to leave the house by myself any more, simply because I’m afraid that I’ll be hit with accusations. I have the option to work from home and even though I should be going into the office a couple days a week, I find the prospect too exhausting because I’m worried about how he’ll react. I’ve even started to pull away from my friends, because ‘what if’. Throughout our relationship,I rarely socialized outside the home without him, simply because I enjoy his company, and want him with me. His insecurities and accusations have changed me, and I’m so not happy with that.

  63. Hello everyone! I came across this through a Google search and I neve realize how many other people are going through what I struggle with regularly.

    I was with my partner for 6 years on and off. I say on and off because of the constant abuse due to his insecurities and jealousy took a toll upon us both.
    Granted in the past when we first went out I did dump him and rebounded back to an old fling and I think this has been the basis for all his emotional violence towards me.

    For years I have been accused of sleeping around with every male person in my life – including his own male friends. Hes deframed my name to others saying I’m a slut and whore etc and treated me as a scumbag without any proof whatsoever. He doesn’t realize the extent of his abuse and I’m starting to think he might get off on it because it will come out of nowhere. He’s accused me of having an affair with his best friend and treated me like I’m guilty whilst to afraid to hit up his friend about it. Granted in the past him and I both have hooked up with other people. In fact he slept with someone else and I haven’t but apparently according to him, only I can be the unfaithful one. I’ve dealt with this tor years and my family can’t stand the thought of him as they have heard numerous arguments or me crying.
    What makes this word is that I feel he lures me into a false sense of hope and security. He says he trusts me and loves me and wants a future with me. For the most part our relationship is good. I will think things are working out only to be blindly ambushed by wild accusations and emotional abuse. I hate feeling this trapped. I like the good side of him but I know I can’t commit myself to him fully when he acts like this. I have to protect myself

    1. *worse

      Edit: I forgot to mention the last strand of abuse happened last night where I am accused of cheating with someone because he saw me driving at night. I happened to just go to the gas station but apparently only “cheaters” are out this time (even tho it’s excusable that he’s out at the same time to spot me)

      Seriously why did I waste my time on someone so stupid and up their own butthole to not see anyone’s sense or can’t respect anyone else besides himself?

  64. Never in a million years did I think I would be in a relationship with a person who says they need to protect me by me giving them a blow by blow of my travels when I am not with them. This really took me sometime to get used to. Honestly, I still am not comfortable in doing this. But he has a way to make me think it is reasonable to do this.

    I was married for 12 years and my ex-husband never asked me for my every step of the way move. We trusted each other enough to respect each other in that area. Not to compare, but this was a culture shock for me. I am very independent and this guy really believes I need to be dependent on him or “I don’t love him or need him in my life” is what he says. The only time we are not together is when we are at work. God forbid if I do not answer my phone or Face Time or respond to a text immediately! I asked can you at least give me 5 mins to respond to your text message… We argue every other week it use to be every other day. Because of his insecurity that he will not admit he has or his accusations of me not knowing how to communicate. I have not idea where he gets this creative mind from that I am cheating, or have a “hidden agenda”.

    It is really exhausting. But the drum role is, I am in love with this nut case. When he is good he is good. So, I pray and ask for guidance from God. When he answers my prayers I will know exactly what to do.

  65. I have been in a relationship with a guy that was always controlling and insecure. I tried proving to him that I don’t have any intentions of being with anyone else. I give him all my attention and care but he still tells me I don’t show him I love him and my behaviour makes him believe I don’t love him. he sees things that’s not reality. he now accuses me of sleeping around and sees love bites on my body that is not even there. I even called a second person to see if they see what he sees and even that is not proof for him. hes with me all the time and whenever he comes to my work unexpected, never did he catch me with anyone or talking to anyone to make him believe I am unfaithful. I don’t even have a phone , to prove to him I don’t speak to anyone. I don’t even dress up or wear makeup to prove to him but still he believes I cheated. he threw me out and now tells me I am the one that messed up and If I want to work it out I must come back and ask for forgiveness. I refuse , because I did not do what he believes I am doing. he spoke me like a slut to everyone. how can I work it out with a man that classes me as a slut and doesn’t trust me.

    1. This sounds so much like me, I have been with my fiancée for about 11years. We have 3 son’s together. So My story seems a bit complicated but it’s really simple. Our whole relationship I never worked I stayed home with the kids until they were school aged. He had full control and treated me like trash. Then as of last year I went back to work. He started a new part time job on the weekends working over night. I never hang out I never go anywhere unless its with him. Long story short my best friend had my email pw because I have lots of jobs that still contact me because of my recent job search. Now she is a free bird and she hangs out a lot. My fiancée checked my location history and it was tracking her and me but he says all of it was me. Even times when we where together it says I was out and we where together. I went so far as to take a lie detector test and of course I passed. Out of 11yrs I have never slept with anyone besides him. He won’t let up. He says I sleep with the lie detector guy to pass. He harasses me and he gets physical with me. He gets loud and says things like BITCH why can’t you just be honest and im like look im over this. My love for him is fading and I want out. I’m not going to apologize for something I never did or considered. I’m not going to kiss ass or continue to be punished for something I have never done. He has always been controlling but this is to much. It’s like the more times he says it he thinks that make it true. At first I wanted him to believe me so bad. But now it’s like F*^% it. Like all my friends and family even HIS FAMILY says he’s crazy. I’m so over him but he won’t leave. He takes my car he does spiteful things and like I said he is putting his hands on me. I just want out. This is affecting my job, my peace and my happiness. I wish I was cheating so that I could have someone to rescue me from this prison that I’m in. I just pray everyday. But I’m living with a monster. I’d do anything just to have my peace back

      1. I go to work crying. My kids are seeing me upset. He treats me worst than a dog. One minute we are working on us going to church praying together and them BOOM I’m a slut whore and I’m not loyal and I’m like look im as loyal as loyal is going to get. I have NEVER out of 11yrs even seen another man’s private area. I just wanted for us to be happy. I cry everyday. He bullys me. I just want him to go away if he can’t get some help. Before this he would leave for days at a time breakup with me and I’d beg him to come home. I’m different now. If he packs his damn bags I’ll help! He is physically abusive to me and it’s scary. He needs help and I’m not sticking around anymore, I just pray and pray and pray! Because I know this is not the life God designed for me. I just want this pain to end. if im at work I’m cheating, when I’m talking to my friends im cheating (who are all girls btw). I don’t have a social life I don’t go anywhere but to work and straight home. I hide nothing from him. My heart is so broken but I think our relationship has ran it’s course. I think it’s time to say goodbye. I will always love him. But this abusive isn’t something I’m willing to tolerate. Ive dealt with it for years but I’m older now. I’m 26. I want more out of life than this. And you deserve the same

        1. My heart goes out to you. I was in this situation also, he was my best friend, I never wanted to do anything but love him. I thought he was going to be my husband. He was sunshine when I first met him and we were just friends. He thought I was perfect and then as soon as I got into a relationship with him things changed. He was always checking my phone, making conversations with my girl friends into big deals, upset over things that happened before him. He got physically abusive, then he would call me names, I went from the best girl ever to a whore and a skeezy slut. He stopped having sex with me and then when he did it would be void of passion or love. He started cheating on me but accusing me of cheating. One day he tried to beat the name out of me that I was cheating on him with but there was no one. He would not speak or look at me for days but if I wanted to stay out he would have a heart attack. He began to beat me in front of his friends. It was torture. Abusive relationships are so hard because all you want to do is love them and you think there is something you can do that will get through to them but in the end they just take more and more from you until you have nothing and then they leave. I did not have the strength to leave him so I prayed to God for him to leave me and I stopped trying as hard as I used to. Eventually I ended it because I could not take it anymore and he begged me to come back to him and I wouldn’t. As soon as I had a change of heart, believing he really loved me, I accepted and then he told me it was too late he had moved on! Ha! He even let his new girl diss me on the phone. It hurt me because he isolated me from my friends and I didn’t tell them what I was going thru and when I did the didn’t care, so I didn’t have a support system. It’s been 6 months and I am finally realizing what I was dealing with as when I was going thru it I didn’t know, all I knew was I was in pain. You are not alone, pray for strength. Move out with your parents or a good friend if you have to, but get out. Life is too short to spend it with someone who can’t and never will love you the way you deserve.

      2. Hi I was just browsing and ready your story was like looking in the mirror of my own relationship! It’s identical. I have told my boyfriend that I too would take a lie detector test. I have been accused so many times to the point I almost gave in to something that wasn’t true just to shit his mouth, but I refuse because I have been innocent. Feel Ike I am walking on egg shells and he wants ro merry but I know inu mind I would never merry him. My love have turned to disgusts and too me it’s too late but I have a son by him. Eventually we have to leave so we can be happy. They are losers with mental issues. This is totally unhealthy and I feel even look like shit

  66. I’ve been with my husband for 11 years and now that I’m deathly sick all of a sudden he thinks I’m cheating on him. I’m not. I have been getting “worse” over the last few years and as I get sicker he is pulling farther and farther away emotionally. I really thought that he would take care of me until the day comes but now I have no friends and no husband for emotional support. So what should I do? I think he is just looking for a way out.

  67. I have been with my boyfriend for about 10 months now. I know it doesn’t seem like a very long time but i moved in with him around 2 months into the relationship. The jealousy and accusing has been non-stop since the first month or so of our relationship. He has no real reason to think I am cheating on him other than maybe 2 or 3 messages he found on my Facebook the first month we were together sending kissy faces or smirk faces. I admitted my wrongs and told him I had never had a serious relationship before but that i had realized my mistakes and corrected them. Around the same time he found the few Facebook messages I found texts with him and another girl (who i ended up fighting) talking about having sex. He swears he didn’t have sex with her and I forgave him. Since then the accusing has not stopped. It is over the craziest things. When i go to school and work he accuses me of having sex in the bathroom or on my break. He goes through my phone and when he doesn’t find anything he accuses me of deleting things (even though i caught him deleting messages with a few females in the past). We argue non-stop and it’s gotten to the point where my family can’t stand him because they are seeing what kind of pain i’m in over something im not doing. We currently have a no-contact order (that we don’t follow) because he was accused of physical abuse. He never hit me or anything like that, it was bruises on my arms because he had accused me of cheating (like every other day) and we had got into an arguement (once again like every other day) and i went to leave his house and he grabbed me and apologized and begged me to stay. He broke my iphone. I can’t do ANYTHING without him accusing me. We were talking on the phone last night and he told me he was going to sleep and asked if i was going to sleep too (because he doesn’t trust me up) and i said yes. He texted me 45 minutes later telling me I’m a hoe and all this other crazy nonsense because I wasn’t able to fall asleep yet, but was still laying in bed with the lights off. I really just don’t know what to do anymore. I love him with all of my heart and I don’t want to give up on us but i just don’t know where to go from here. I tell him that I’m going to leave if he doesn’t change but i never do because i love him so much. He tells me things will change and get better and it never does.He tries to make me feel guilty and when i threaten to leave him, he tells me he is going to commit suicide and has even pretended to be his mom to make me feel bad about it. I sit down and have talks with him for hours, balling my eyes out about how much he means to me and assure him I would never cheat on him and that he truly is the love of my life and nothing ever seems to get through. I would never cheat on him, I love him with all of my heart. I’m very big on loyalty and trust and I have always been faithful to my ex’s and my friends because I feel like trust is crucial for any relationship. Things have spun so out of control over something I would never do and I just don’t know what to do. Should i let go, as bad as that will hurt ? Or should i keep trying ? I’m just so hopeless at this point 🙁

    1. Idk how long ago you put this up but thank you for doing so. I am going through this WORD FOR WORD…. Your story made me cry BC its an everyday struggle just to prove to my fiance that I go to work and come straight home. But hearing your story makes me feel a little more worthy of a person BC I thought I was the only one. I literally pause after saying something on the phone and he feels like there’s someone else in the room with me.he checks my location on my phone through out the night (I work nights being a sitter…. It’s just me in a room with an 82 year old woman) to make sure I’m still there. I have lost all my friends and I make our relationship seem perfect to my family bc like yours they wouldn’t like him anymore. So my advice to you is keep your head up and I UNDERSTAND what its like to love somebody so much you can’t imagine breathing let alone surviving without them…. I am too faulted by my loyalty and love for others over myself. But are we being loyal to ourselves is the question?

      1. I am crying also. No one else understands what it’s like to love people like this unless they’ve been in it. Yes I am loyal and I hate to have anyone think I don’t care about them especially when I do. It is my nature to love. And yes, most of all we are not being loyal to ourselves. Leanna, he will never change, just go. It’s going to hurt so bad when you do, you won’t breathe, you won’t eat, you won’t sleep, you will want to die but I promise there is light at the end of the tunnel, and one day you will stop hurting. Better to hurt for a while than to hurt everyday the way it hurts now. I KNOW what it feels like to have someone accuse you of something you’re not doing. Stay strong ladies, know you are not alone. Pray to God for guidance. But remember that you can’t stay. Don’t end up like me, wasting years of my youth with a man that ultimately left me for someone else and now I, afraid I’ll never have kids or find a husband. Life is too short. Xoxo

    2. Hey,
      When I was reading your post, I thought i was reading about my own relationship. My boyfriend of 1 1/2 yrs is the exact same. And I am so tired of the accusations every day about everything…. He is possessive, insecure, jealous and incapable of dealing with frustration and disappointment. He always blames everyone around him for his own mistakes and misery. I totally understand when you say you’re hopeless and exhausted. I personally know that I need to let him go and I think that’s what you should do too, however, unfortunately that is a lot easier said than done. I wish you strength to get through this!

    3. I hope you’re ok… I think you need to take a break from this guy…. You’re not the problem nor can you fix his own person al problems… He’s has jealousy an control issuea that he needs to fix in order to make this relationship grow sweetheart …

    4. Please please get out of this! This happened to me when i was ypung n it only gets worse it never gets better believe me he has you emotionally sick hon.dont have kids w him either i did n my ex abused me infront of t kids n hit t youngest trying to get at me.Thrse giys who are like this never change.take my word for it.i lost t best young yrs of my life staying w a sick individual.n eventually they make u sick n u think u cant live without will find your ytue love i did.bit you got to want to end this.god cant bless you until you vlose that door.n if u are lucky to have parents or a family that will help you go there n please stay away from him.some of women have noone to help us parents are dead or too old to help.i wish youmuch love n also pray n get help from church.i did n it changed me n healed my way of thinking.

  68. Good day folks. I have been led here by “google-ing” the topic at hand because I am now finding myself at wit’s end. I am reading as many sites / forums and comments as I can, to try somehow to form a conclusion, but even though most of what everyone, male of female describes, seems to be the same across the board. The details and intricacies of the relationships and lives of everyone is slightly different, but not the crux of the matter.
    I cannot find a unique situation though for myself, my loved one and our relationship, so thought Id give it a shot posting here. (Never really done this before. haha)

    Now where it starts (It gets quite confusing and involved, but please bear with me.) is right even before I met my dearly beloved. I was in a relationship with a girl, we had a “faulty” relationship and ended it. Found out a day or so later that she was pregnant. For me, not a train smash. Immediately accepted the condition and responsibility. Told her that we need to put our little quarrels behind us and realize that something much bigger than us is happening. We are adults and need to embrace the responsibilities we have created by out own choices. We then moved in together, tried to make the relationship work for a couple of months. I got us a bigger house and everything seemed fine. Our relationship still didn’t work and about two months before baby being born, she told me she wants out. I said I agree, as the stressful environment in which she is bearing a child is not good for the baby, or for me or her. She moved out and had the baby. I have been there for my baby girl as much as I could/can. I am her father and I am involved in her life as much and to the greatest extent that I can be. (Not involved in her mother’s life as far as I can help it though). She is turning 3 years old early next year. She is amazing (baby) and a happy, obedient and loving child. We seem to have the roles, custody and financial sides of the debacle figured out, but sometimes it is challenging, but we get through it. I always try to keep a clear head when controversy arises around this way of raising a child and always keep in mind that everything is about our baby girl and everything else comes second to that. Just after baby was born, I got involved for the first time with another woman. Quickly the relationship progressed up to where we were actively participating, in all aspects, in a romantic relationship. At this stage, I brought into the relationship some baggage, to say the least. A child, for one. Also jealousy (trust) domineering and controlling qualities. Also traditional aspects of my upbringing, seemed to pose problems, as I knew things had to be one way and she was used to so much different. I tried to be transparent with her as much as I could about my trust issues for instance, almost warning her getting into a relationship with me might be difficult because I all high and almighty (sarcastically said) do not trust anyone. She brought into the relationship a child born out of wedlock as well, a little boy, one year older than my baby girl. I thought this was amazing, being mindful of many challenges that we could face into our future with such a “modern” family, I thought that we would be able to provide a stable and loving home for our children and make the best of a rather complicated situation.

    Somewhere in our relationship, I realized that I really love this woman and that I need to sort out my trust issues, otherwise I am going to push her away so far, that I am going to lose her. I worked on it and even today, she would admit that she does not feel any more that I don’t trust her. Also, somewhere along the line, as she grew closer and closer to me, when the relationship started in her heart to move into an area of more than sex and day to day, to potential long term, deep care and love for another person and subsequently also opening one’s self to a very fragile place where terrible hurt could be inflicted. She started showing cracks with regards to her trust towards me. I got a new job, stressed allot and started drinking more regularly after work with the guys at the local pub etc. We grew apart slowly, but surely. She was shouting out all the time for me to hear and I was running away all the time because I just can’t take controversy, constant negativity, when actually life is pretty good. We are very blessed and everything is actually going very well in our lives. Theoretically, we should be happy. I felt that, practically, life is too short to bicker and frown, cry and always be down, because quite frankly, if we are grateful for what we have, realise that we cant really do anything to deserve anything, we should live a good and gracious life. Be honest and true and hardworking and love. I never cheated on this woman. I have not so much as kissed another female (or male) since the day I met her.

    Now, where it all starts is when she one day (first time that I was aware of) goes through my phone. Same ‘ol Same ‘ol story right. She find messages between me and an age old ex girlfriend. She is furious and ends the relationship right there whilst driving in the car to work. I get angry. She is anry. I have not done anything wrong. I have communicated with this girl, but I have not done anything wrong. I have not even seen this girls in all the time that me and my new babe has been together you know. I did not flirt. Main cause of comms between me and this ex was my first born baby girl. She was never able to meet my daughter and always wanting to meet her. Which I obviously would not have a problem with, as I was a new and very proud daddy, wanting to declare my love for my daughter and brag with her from the highest mountain tops, like Simba in the Lion King. This ex girlfriend and my daughter’s mother were not friends (to say the least), hence the reason for her not being allowed (by the mother) to see my daughter. Anyways, no biggy. Point is, me end my woman of now, speaks two different languages. She is English and I am what we call Afrikaans. When she reads Afikaans messages from this ‘ol ex, she misinterprets the tone in which messages were typed and sent to me. So frustrating for me, because I am now being accused of cheating and standing on the brink of losing the woman I really love and want to be with, because of a misunderstanding. I get so angry in the car that I hit the dash board and break it. It also cuts my hand and now there is blood. Oh no, big mistake. Anyways, I get to work. She gets to her work. I phone her somewhere through the morning to apologise. I say to her that I can understand how it all looks, but I am not losing her because of this. I will fight for her and we will get through this. She replies that she was also just about to phone me and tell me that she is sorry. She has calmed down now, believed what I said and that she love me and I love her and I feel like I can burst our in tears, I am so happy that this whole thing is just going to be ok after all.

    Time passes…

    One day, my lady falls pregnant. We were at that stage of our relationship where we were already talking about marriage. I had at that stage made my decision, that I would gladly marry her, but I thought there were things we ( needed to work on, before I ask her to be my wife. Now a baby is imminent and the decision has just become much easier. I tell her the same day after going to for the test, that I am going no where. I am sticking by her and I will be her husband and our children’s father, to love and to provide. Obviously a shock, in terms of both of us having put both our families and ourselves through similar scenarios before we met each other. I scheme to myself, been there, done that. Was actually not even half as bad the first time and children don’t cause life to seize to exist as we know it, so no problem and it is also pretty awesome that I actually love this woman and can easily see myself spending the rest of my life with her. I make a joke, once again in the car after finding out about her being pregnant, and ask her so does she want to get engaged now quickly, or should I plan something special. The laughs and cries and I say I love her and take her to eat at a nice restaurant. We both don’t go to work that day. Spend time together. I secretly start wondering if its a boy or a girl, being a little bit exited about this whole thing. Imagine a little dude running around, as naughty and intuitive as I probably was when I was little or imagining a beautiful daughter, with the facial features and beautiful blue eyes of my (by then ) wife. It made my heart melt, but at the same time, back in reality, I wanted just to be there for her. The is after all the woman. The one to be cherished, protected and loved. I knew that she would have fears, uncertainties, founded or unfounded, I don’t care. I just want to play my role as well as I could. I didn’t. As time passed slowly (or fast in hindsight) stress of the new job was getting to me. I was totally oblivious to this. Oh, also, my mom passed away just before we found out about the pregnancy. Probably a lil bit much on the plate you know. She on the other hand was probably just being a real woman. Hormones and fears and all of that and in many cases, I was not sensitive enough to that. (Once again in hind sight) Worst happened and she had a miscarriage a couple of weeks into the pregnancy. BIG oops. I have never experienced this. It is not something that I have ever read about. No clue what to do, how to help etc. I take her to my grandmother, who suffered two miscarriages in her younger days. Maybe for some help, just words or something. I felt totally inadequate. I suppose it went well. There was a bit of talking and crying and all in all, she probably felt a little bit better afterwards. I dunno. Anyways, what I did know though was that she is going to have to deal with this loss. For my impossible to understand to that level, because I can never be a woman or be pregnant. We try. Eventually the natural things supposed to happen does not happen and she goes to her best friend in another town to go to a doctor there to see if anything is wrong physically, because she was bleeding allot and something just didn’t seem right (health wise).

    While she there and I at home, we have a bit of a hard time. Streesful so far away, states of mind, dealing with miscarriage and THE GUY she gets a lift with to this town, couple of hours away from where we stay. I just couldn’t be whom I was supposed to be. I asked her questions, but she does not answer her phone, why she does not reply to my messages. When she does talk to me, why does she sound to distant and cold towards me etc. Now, this is where strike two comes in. I go the one night, as I have done many times, to our neighbours. We eat and drink some wine. Talk and laugh and play some music. Come time to go home, I walk out with their oldest daughter. (one of my friends almost sort of dated the younger sister a while ago) They always thought we would be a good match, but we never eally hit it off. Now, weeks or months afte rmy girlfriend returns from the visit to the other town, we get involved in an argument (Once again for being accused of cheating) and she lets out that the people across the road told me that I kissed the older daughter and then later changes the story to “Try to kiss the daughter”. I deny it and get angry and we fight and fight and allot of our relationship has been fight fight fight. I tried to fight back and that didn’t work. I tried to not fight back and that didn’t work. Anyways, I digress. (Side Note: after allot of thought weeks after the whole debacle, I must be open and honest though, I know for a fact I did not kiss the girl. (Katy Perry) But I did have allot’o wine, so as I remember it, we were being all awkward there in the dark on the side walk when saying goodbye to each other. As I remember it, I was scared that she was going to want to kiss me and I just wanted to get home to sleep. There was one of those weird robot type hugs things that happened. And that is what I remember. I wanted to confront the peeps for saying that, but such a thing is also embarrassing you know. The neighbours are older folk than us (as you can probably judge by the question of me kissing their daughter. lol) (Btw, we are folk that are in our late 20’s early 30’s. So not wise elders but not happy-go-lucky teens neither. And no disrespect to those of you that are any age, because all ages and phases in life are beautiful and you should cerise them all, enjoy it and make the right decisions, even when it is difficult. It will be difficult many times. Do not seek that immediate reward when the often uncomprehend able future is so much sweeter.)

    Anyways, I digress again. So we have this little problem. In the mean time, our relationship moves on in time, but perhaps not really growing. (I think it is all okay and good, but mean time back at the ranch, lovely lady is not. Later on in the relationship, we have a little fight one morning. She asks me from across the living room, whilst I make some coffe, what my problem is. Me hating waking up in the morning to negativity, wanting to embrace a new and God given gift every morning, is so frustrated, that I just ramble back at her “You are my problem”. So she take major offence and says that if she is such a big problem for me, then she will move out. She asks me do I want her to leave. I say yes. (Not knowing its leave for good and move out of the house totally). She then packs all her stuff and moves out. Both of us are so stubborn, that I allow her to go ahead and she goes ahead. I help her to pack, because she’s taking a bit too long for my liking. We then cant stay away from each other and not very long after, she moves back in. Up until today, these things mentioned, is still used in our quarrels we have. Then, time goes by and she finds the wrong pitures of the same ex girlfriend of years ago on my cell phone. These pictures were stored in a social chat app folder, which I carried on through my phone backups and copied over to each new phone I got. I did not even know about the folder and I did not even know about the pictures. Anyways, once again, big problems. We get through that. One night we are sitting listening to music, as we often did, have a fire lit, have some drinks and just enjoy our time together. As I look through the folders, trying to find music we haven’t listened too yet, I stumble upon a folder with video and sound files, but no descriptions in the file names. only long strings of numbers. I double click one and what open in media player. A porn video. I first get the fright of my life and then immediately close media player. She was not totally aware of what happened, but asked me what was that. I said nothing and continued on with the evening. Later the evening, she goes to the computer and finds the folder and starts being really nasty about my porn stash. Now look, I was young and stupid. I watched the porn. I had sexy chicas as my desktop background, posing all seductively on bikes and cars and the like. I read men’s magazines (Also a previous quarrel in our relationship) like FHM and Men’s Health etc. This folder was a recovery foder, also of one of my old phones that I recovered when the memory card had crashed. I also did not know of it’s existence and never perused it as such to get my daily porn fix. There I go again and get super angry. She is super angry. I say I do not watch porn and she’s the only woman for me etc. Fight gets out of hand and I go and smash the whole PC (Literally bought it the provious week. Still did the last payment on it at the end of that month.eeeekkkkk.) Anyways, she found at asome stage a sock in our room. (I don’t know who’s sock it is, really). She also finds hair in the house all the time. When she was blonde, she found dark hairs. Now she is brunette, and she keeps finding blonde hairs (But not her own blonde hair strands. No. Her hair is somehow different to these.) There are people visiting us. There are couple friends and even her family that has slept over at our house before (We live rather far out. ) It could be anybody’s damn hair. One of my very good male friends have long dark hair. (He is a lead singer in a metal band. Rock I don’t know whose sock it is. The youngest of our three jack russel terriers are forever stealing anything she can find and carrying it around the house and yard area.
    She accuses me around every corner that I am cheating. All I do is work and go home and every now and then, I would go to a shop. She has accused me of having along distance sexual affair with someone because I read up about VR and how it is improving and eventually got to an article about VR and sex.

    She has accused me of having a homosexual affair with one of my friend, or with two or three actually. She doesn’t want me to make food or coffee or tea for her or “her son” when she is in a bad mood, because she is afraid that I will poison them. When she gets a headache or eats something bad and her stomach runs, she accuses me of poisoning her or slipping something into her food to make her sick.
    We have this whole issue about discipline and the children. That is another huge topic which I cannot even begin to explain here now.
    Anyways, I broke off the relationship one early morning, when I found her around midnight, in the garage, sitting there going through my phone. I wasn’t even angry. I felt so sorry for her. I looked at her and saw how broken she must have been. I said if this is what I cause you to become, then this relationship is finished. Right here and now. She then phoned me later that day, apologised and said that she was going to get some help. I said, in that case my babe, I am 100% behind you. Support you all the way and this stuff that happens does not change my love for you. Let us work this out and fix it.
    Went ok for a couple of weeks, just to all fall flat again. She lost her brother tragically this year. Soon after found out she was pregnant again. I proposed (What a nerve-wrecking experience, but awesome) Had a fight and she said she can never trust me and she is leaving me. I begged and pleaded. I even cried and wrote her a song. She kept breaking off the engagement around every corner our relationship proverbially ventured. (She stopped that now, because her father’s wife asked her one night if she even thinks what that is doing to me. She said no, she never actually thought about that.) So that is good at least, but this trust thing is just killing our relationship.

    We even did a course couples go on before getting married. Learnt so much and it was really so so good for us. Even whilst at the course, we would have fights about things.
    This very morning, I was accused again of cheating, as I made the bed in a nice way and tidied up the bedroom before coming to work. I have been accused of having affairs at my work, with ex girfriends, with the mother of my child(will NEVER go there again. lol) With unknown persons, with male friends of mine. I don’t even want to take her to a restaurant or any other place for that matter, because I know that, the moment another remotely attractive person enters any type of picture here, I will be accused of looking at the person with “wanting eyes” or in a sexual manner or the tip for the waitress will be too much or that I am flirting. Now, I know men and woman often argue about the flirting thing, leading a woman on and then the guy would usually say he is not even aware that he does this. In my case, I literally look down, physically bend my head so that I can only see the table in front (beneath) me. I have often made a point not to even greet the waitress. I have for instance , when the waitress asks me what I want to order, specifically not even looked up at any person, but kept my eyes freakishly fixed on my woman and then I don’t even as much as talk or smile or anything to the waitress. I actually then speak directly to my woman, and she recites the order to the waitress, or in most cases, the waitress can obviously hear me speaking, so she writes down my order, but probably think I am a bit of a nutter. I really don’t care what she thinks. I just need this love of my life to come to the party and work on these problems.
    If anyone is reading this far, you can probably understand that, she is pregnant now again. Baby is due late December, early Jan.
    I am at a place where I believe, I would have made the difficult decision of letting her go, really moving her out of my life, as much as it is going to hurt and as much as I really love and care for her and her son and my daughter and her son has obviously grown to love each other. As much of a tradgidy that this would be, I would do it, because I do not have any hope that this will get better and cannot see myself spending the rest of my life this way, maybe a little bit better, maybe a little bit worse.
    But, that is not even an option. Because what about new baby. I want to give these children the home that I am already giving them. The father that they need. I love all of them and her and cant wait for the new addition.
    I just don’t know which way any more with this fanatical behaviour, which seems to only get worse as time goes by.
    I explained some scenarios in this massive writing piece, which could be perceived by someone that would hear her side of the story, as me being a real sleaze ball and a cheater of note. I have no reason to hide anything here. You guys dont know me and never will and she will never read this, so I really have no reason to lie about this. If, in any way, there is anyone out there, that could, by means of uttering a couple of words, shed some light on this (basically our lives depend on it) it would be amazing.

  69. So I’ve got a problem. I have been with my boyfriend/fiancé for almost 7 years. We have had a challenging relationship, I used to deny him sex a lot in the beginning. I worked overnight, and was super tired, so I just didn’t have the energy. He felt like he was being a bug. Now, we have sex regularly, at least a few times a week, but there are the occasional denies… Well, all of the sudden, he has really changed things up, and hS been secretly recording my day, while he is at work, with a cell phone. He has this recording, it starts off of me waking him up in the morning, when I get off work. Then he is receiving a blow job from me, then he goes to work. After that, I’m exhausted from working all night, and I fight sleep on a constant basis, so I’m tired, and making odd noises. About 3.5 hrs later, he comes home for lunch (a quickie), and returns to work.
    Somewhere, in his head, he believes that he hears whispering, and sex noises other than ours, and I’m being accused left and right. He even accused me of sleeping with his son. Disgusting! I am completely humiliated, because he has let other people listen to this as well, asking what they think is going on. I have never cheated on him, and NEVER WOULD. I know the hurt it brings. It sucks. He has lost all trust in me, and is threatening to leave now. I love him so much, but I’m so angry! What can I do to prove myself? Maybe nothing, I just needed to vent… Please leave me comments, besides LEAVE HIM… that’s not what I want to do. I am innocent, and want to let him know I’m loyal. Thanks for reading

    1. You need to ask yourself WHY do you love him “SO MUCH”. If he has it in his head that you are cheating with no proof, then nothing is going to change his mind. Sometimes men (and women) invent these stories in their head to exert power over their partner. “Oh she cheated, so now she’s going to have to do everything I say and give me everything I want to prove to me she’s sorry”. This is his problem, not yours. If it’s making you exhausted trying to fix this or change his mind, then I’m sorry, but you know what you have to do.

  70. My husband started accusing me almost 10 years ago. It would come and go. And his basis for the accusation is my attitude. My impatience, aggravation, irritation to things. I have very little patience when it comes to certain things in my life, I hate being late, so when I see that I am running late, my crazy nerves take over and I become irritable, even towards my children.

    I am a manager for a transportation firm, which is very demanding, I am a full time student in College, I have 3 young children who still need help with homework. While my husband lays in bed all night (after a hard days work) playing on his phone, I am taking care of household chores, kids, homework etc….We went 2 years without any fights. I started to become overwhelmed with my busy life so I become irritable. He took this as a sign that I am cheating! He had access to email account which is tied to my school, he intentionally changed my password so I couldn’t access it. The minute I did, I changed my password and password retrieval information.

    I use to stay late at work, but, decided that I needed more time with my family – he took this change as a sign that I am cheating.

    I pay for my own car, as I was trying to leave yesterday because we were fighting, he tells me I had to walk.

    I believe he will NEVER change. He did temporarily but has since then become violent and very degrading towards me.I believe his is very controlling and very possessive. I also feel that he may be the one cheating on me.

    Thanks for the Article….I found it to be very informative.

    1. What are you going to do? I’ve been married to my husband for a year and I’ve been hoping he will change. You’ve been married for the years, I don’t want to live like this for that long. Do you think they will ever stop?

  71. My partner and I have had a similar problem for the past 18 months, although to this day we do not know who is behind it. We are in a LDR – I am in Australia and he in the US, so trust is extremely necessary for our relationship to work.
    Whoever the person is behind the messages, they have been bombarding us with messages containing expletive languange, links to dating sites for made up profiles of my partner, accusations that I am cheating on him with a man from my area and more. It has gotten to the point where my partner is starting to think I am behind the messages in order to control him while I’m here in Australia. Each time we try to deal with whoever is behind all the trouble, the email account is closed and another pops up maybe a week later, continuing the messaging.
    My partner has been married before and his wife left him for another man she met online, so he does have deep fears about being cheated on and/or left for someone else, which makes it hard at times to be united in this battle. Especially when he is distancing himself from me, thinking I am the culprit behind everything. I’m starting to run out of ideas on how to get him to see that I’m not the issue and that I have his back

  72. I really could use some advice. I’ve been with my bf 3 years on and off in the beginning it was good now we constantly argue he feels like I’m always doing something he thinks I’m having sex with any and everybody down to my cousins and their spouses. I go to work and come home and stay to myself I have no friends anymore I barely see my family and we all live together I never know when he works cause he think I’m trying to clock him I met one of his friend’s and that turned out bad then I was being accused of him everything I do is suspect to him I used to cook for him now I’m scared to live my room cause how he feels and reacts girls text is phone calling him papi and they want him all to their self and they just need him to give them the word and they will leave their bf and he says he doesn’t respond he don’t know why she feel like that he don’t make her feel no way that they messed around when we broke up but he still talks to her and thinks its OK he leaves for hours I never no where he is or what he doing and he inspects my private parts and makes me feel bad I get angry and hit him and we fight and he says because I’m guilty that’s why I get physical which is not true ive told him I’d take a lie detector test and consueling but he refuses what should I do…..

    1. Sweetheart you need to grow a set and leave that prick. What you’ve described is not love. It is manipulation and a need to control. I wouldn’t suggest couples counseling but once you’ve left maybe speaking with an expert about how to fix your issues..I would. No one, let me repeat that, NO ONE deserves to be treated that way. Right now the thought of leaving him is scary because you’re so in love but trust me when I say this….you WILL love again. And when you are in a good relationship with someone who treats you with the respect and love you deserve you will look back and wonder….”Why the f*#? did I waste so many years on that douche”

      1. Stressed and confused, that is NOT love. It’s obsession. Ask yourself one question, “WHY do you love this man?” Is it possible you’re addicted to the drama? or the need to change or save him?

  73. I had an affair 25 yrs ago that lasted 3 and a half yrs. She found out about it but we stayed together and tried to make ago of our marriage. When she found out she went out sleeping around with two men, one of them she tells me she only had sex with him once (He worked in the same company as her). The other man who also worked there lasted longer and she stayed weekends with him at a friend house and was planning to move into a flat that they were looking at We are still now together 25 years later but in those 25 years she has accused me of seeing other women and wont believe me when I say IM NOT. Is this a cover up for her having an affair?

    1. Dude, you set the stage 25 years ago. And even though she herself strayed from the marriage after she found out, your wife obviously never got over it. If you’re not having an affair, or even entertaining the idea, then invest in some quality marriage counseling.

    2. About this situation in particular, I have to say the following: it’s always wrong to cheat and the double standard to believe that cheating is ok under “certain circumstances”. Cheating is cheating and it’s always been wrong and will always be. I’d strongly recommend to seek counseling immediately.

  74. My boyfriend and i have been together for 5 years and he cheated on me durinng the second year of.our relationship. i.forgave him.and we moved on from that. But lately he and i havent been having sex and today he accused me of cheating on him. I have never cheated on him and he thinks because i am starting to.have with my friends i am cheating. I dont know how to solve this problem please help.

    1. My friend, there’s nothing wrong to have friends. Depending on what happens in your circle of friends its what you should be careful with because people think different…. especially when it comes to friendship, friends with benefits, ect. ect. Trust and communication are always important. You need to talk with your boyfriend and address the issues that are bothering both him and you. It’s never easy, but things always wor out as long as there is both trust and communication between both of you.

  75. Thanks for the Info,

    I have been together with my Wife for 8 year and are married for 4. if i think back i have been accused of cheating from the start and it ended up that we got separated for 6 months.
    She would go through my work phone asked who was every one’s no that phoned me went through all my work emails and as soon as she saw a woman’s name i was in trouble.
    I remember once where i got a quote from overseas and it was late at night as the times diver from where i stay and she totally went off about a woman sending me a quote late at night. i tried to explain that it was overseas and she said that the woman overseas should know what hours i’m working and should send a mail at that time.
    She even went as far as hiding my phone from me for a week at once so i could not use it to chat to other woman according to her and this was a company phone.

    I was not allowed to use any social networks no Facebook no Whatsup no Twitter nothing she even went through my phones memory usage and if she saw that facebook showed some memory usage i had it and was cheating.

    She would time me for what time i would be of from work and if i’m 15 min later i was cheating on her and was with someone else according to her.

    I could not see my family and all of my family was bad in her eyes it always ended up in fights.

    So we got separated and we have two beautiful boys and eventually got together again. The first two months was grate she left me to do my work i could use facebook and whatsup bud after a while she started going through my phone again and she saw some woman leaving comments and a picture of a friends post she lost it so now i’m not allowed to have facebook anymore.

    One off my workers sister send me a message asking how her brothers doing at work as there father has died and they have not heard from him since i simply replied he’s at work and he is fine.
    Two days after she went through my phone without me knowing and saw the message.
    She lost it and told me that i’m cheating again and after that she messaged the workers sisters telling her to stay away from me and she is flirting with me.

    Next day i was in our HR departments office and had to explain as the phone belongs to the company.

    Now she is going through my phone again regularly every time she takes i’m just waiting for the fight.

    We had another fight again today she said when i come home from from work she will be packed with the children and i must take her to her mother as she cannot take the cheating of me anymore.

    I should of never taken her back i thought thing would have changed what should i do?
    I Love my Boys.

    1. Take her to her mothers and get a password on the work phone. What you wife is exhibiting is not love, it’s obsession, and it’s not healthy for your boys to see that. If you have cheated at any time in the relationship, admit it and own it. If you haven’t, then there’s nothing you can do to change your wife’s mind. It’s her problem, not yours.

  76. Wife had a major business failure and went into bankruptcy. Since she closed her business, she hasn’t worn her wedding or engagement ring. She has been in states of depression and was told by a psychologist that she was in a “long-term grieving” process over loss of the business because she put her whole life into it. After the business closed, she couldn’t find work for a year. She came to me one day and said we should see other people, meet new friends and she wanted to have a “girls weekend” out (yeah, I know what that means). I talked her out of it. But, my red flag was up. I went an opened a separate bank acct. in a different bank. For almost a year she’s been on Facebook constantly and everytime I pass her while she’s on her IPad or iPhone, she either turns the screen away from me, or jumps from one screen to another. I started to get suspicious and confronted her a couple of times. She says she is entitled to her “privacy” (and we’re married!!!!!!). One day this year, the bank I opened the separate account in stupidly sent the statement to the house, after I told them I wanted electronic statements. My wife saw this and went nuts. She stopped any intimacy, touching or affection. She left the bed a month later. She told me she needed a month to think about it. A month has passed. I asked her what she wanted to do. She started screaming and throwing things at me saying I’m “smothering her”, “she has a right to privacy”, blah, blah, blah. She assaulted me (threw a glass at me that broke and I was hit with broken pieces, punched me in the back, and threw the TV remote at me in front of her brother and brother-in-law whom she called; they yelled at her for doing it). She threatened to call the cops on me. I told her I already filed an incident report against her for threatening me a couple of times before that she was going to have me removed from the house. It was like she was struck with thunder and lightning. Since then, she’s been acting nicely and courteously to me; I am ONLY her husband you know. I think she is going to be seeing her friend of the “affair” in a few days and have contacted a P.I. I’m at wits end after 21 years of a relationship (3 yrs. married), and I supported her emotionally, financially, and every other way through her failed business and afterwards. I even raised her daughter, who’s own father didn’t care about her. The daughter has told me she loves me very much. She is married with 2 babies and told me if anything ever happens I am still “grandpa” to the babies.

  77. I need help. I don’t know if I should keep fighting for my relationship or let it go. He thinks I’m cheating, I’m not. He says “he can see all the signs” and won’t allow me to explain. The hardest part is his “signs” do look awful but they all have simple explanations. I only want him but how long do I get punished for something I didn’t do? Is it even possible to save our relationship or am I just hurting myself by trying? I love him desperately and don’t want to lose him. I’m so tired of hurting.

    1. I know how you feel I am going through the same thing with my husband of 9years I am so tired I can’t take it anymore I’m ready to give up on our marriage

      1. I am going through the same thing. It is so sad that after 4 years of being together and with two kids that I’ve devoted myself to, I’m still being accused of something I have never done to him. He cheated on me and even at that I took him back, but now I question myself if I should just let him go. I can’t take these accusations anymore.

      2. If you have kids together, stay together. It is better for kids to live in a home with some tension rather that two separate homes and having their world torn apart. Speaking from personal experience:/

        1. Dear Hurt,
          It is never good to keep children in an environment where abuse is happening. Verbal, physical, controlling, sexual, emotional abuses are all bad for children to be in the house with. And remember, if a child sees you being abused, then they are also being abused.

    2. I know exactly how you feel. I was very dependent on my husband for years. He became my driving force to get a full time job that paid very well, while going to school to earn my degree in accounting. Because of his control, I lost a great career in the National Guard, respect of my peers, time with my parents, children, grandmother, cousins, uncles and aunties. I was miserable for a very long time, I actually blamed myself for the abuse.

      Its just not worth it anymore. Now, he’s stooping as low as having my 3 year told daughter ask me where I am going, as I pack a bag to leave the house. Most men the leave the home, while the wife stays with the kids. My case is totally opposite, he will still be able to control me as long as I stay in the home that he pays for.

      I decided to leave my children where they are comfortable, leave as soon as my baby goes to bed and back in the morning, in time to get my kids ready for school. That is the best I can do for them and for myself.

      I wish you luck though. Stay STRONG…!

    3. My husband accuses me of prostitution almost everyday. I have been accused of sleeping with the lawn man to the boy that works in the gas station, co workers, family friends, men at the park who looked or did not look my way, neighbors, family members, hospital attendants, doctors and nurses, teachers at my kids school, you just name it, and I go through this everday, and have been for the past 8 years! It was beginning to kill me, I was dying slowly, I completely isolated myself from the whole world, I was very sad and depressed but I stayed for my kids and because I loved my husband. Recently, I made up my mind to leave, after he accused me of flirting with the staff at the ER, where I was rushed in for toothache. I was in so much pain, I was praying for death. My husband accused me of flirting with the staff there, called me the white man’s sex slave, all these he accused me of, with my swollen face, sore gum and filled with misery. I have decided to leave him, take my kids and start afresh, I can already see myself living free and with my kids, and it gives me so much joy, am excited. Don’t let anyone make you live your life like this, real love is nothing like this. Get out while you can, your spouse might be sick in the head or unhappy with something in their past or present, and just want ti drag you into their pain…Get Out Now!!!

  78. I have been married for 3 yrs and we have been together for 12 yrs. I don’t know if my husband is cheating on me. 1 week ago we were interduced to this girl, a friend of my sister in laws. Whom has affairs with married men. The next day after meeting her my husband went hiking with his family and her. I asked him not to as it made me unconfortable. As if that was not enough. I pulled up to him and he was in the car with her. Then never came home and claims to have stayed with his family that night. We have been arrguing about this for the last week. He is cold and brushed me off. Has not been the loving caring attention giving and needing husband. He tells me Im worng for feeling hurt. Since he had not done anything wrong. Please help. I feel that my marriage is falling apart all from 1 day.

    1. Im very sorry you are going through this. I really feel for you.
      firstly I would explain to him the reasons you feel this way 1. Rumours about the woman 2. Going with her even though you said it was crossing a boundry. Many men and woman would feel the same way. 3. Not coming home. Thats a big one. Very selfish on his behalf if you ask me. If he didnt do anything he surely went out of his way to look as though he did. Loving someone isnt a reason to allow yourself to be mistreated. Im sure your husband would feel the same if the table was turned. I feel if your husband wont take the time to mend your hurt that he at the least gave the impression of, then you should start to ask yourself weather its worth the grief. Life is to short. Dont fear being alone. Dont fear meeting new people. Dont fear others judgment. No do overs you only live once make the most of it. Find happiness if he cant give u peace and happiness as you do for him then time to go.

  79. I am seeing someone like this right now who is a gd liar and a cheat. I have been with him for the last 7 years. and after 7 yrs he says i am stalking him? LOL yeah right. We are both past 50 yrs old, so you figure that one out. last night i had a dream he left me for some other bitch with a baby. and i have had other dreams of him cheating on me. I think its time for me to take matters into my own hands and pay him back for all of the hell & hurt he has caused me. When i get thru with him, he wont have shit. not even a gf because where he is going he wont need one . LOL. sucks to be him.

    1. All because of s dream you had? Its a fantasy in your head and your going to cause all those problems beause of it? I hate to say it but actually it sucks to be you!

  80. Well she got the divorce and 10 years later she’s in hospice dying. Accused me of adultery to justify her behavior.
    Do you believe in heaven and hell, I do. And, something’s, like that, are unforgivable.

  81. I too have gone through similar experiences and I decided that I refused to live my life in agony. Since 1 month in our relationship I have been accused of having “wandering” eyes. He accused me of liking his brothers and even sleeping with one of them. He accused me of cheating but could never explain details behind his belief. He accused me of being a lesbian and sleeping with female friends. He accused me of lying about work and my whereabouts. The last and final straw was when he accused me of sleeping with my own brother!!! Only a sick person would say such a thing. Do you know how hurtful that was? It was like a stab to the heart. He is psychotic and I left him! I’m not looking back. It took me 5 years 2 of which we were married to finally get the courage to leave. I’m too good of a woman to be mentally and physically abused. If you are going through this get out now!!! It only gets worse! Trust me! Look yourself in the mirror and say “I deserve to be loved and happy!”

    1. i bn with my mate for 4 years we got married last year oct 4 2014 this year goin to make a year so around this month when i started this new job he acussed me of cheating made me cry i kept telling him ova n ova so we had a talk so things went back to normal and a couple of days later he didit again i dont no what to say any more every thing you went threw im going threw it right now

    2. I know what it’s like to be accused of cheating with a family member. My partner accused me of cheating with my own step father when he knew I was molested as a child and even heard my therapy sessions. They will stop at nothing to make you feel bad because they are insecure and possessive and look at you like you are an object instead of a human being.

    3. This sounds exactly what I am going through. Been together 3 years, married one. I didn’t think we would make one year. Somehow we did. He has accused me of cheating at least 10 times. The last time (one week before our anniversary) he actually found “evidence” in the toilet!!! I am dumbfounded as to how he can think I was cheating and there is “you know what” in the toilet. I have been accused of being a lesbian and sleeping with everyone I talk to work related. I feel like I am in prison and being mentally terrorized. I am fearful of everything I do because he will see it as suspicious. I lost friends and never do anything.

    4. I hear u it seems so hard to leave I’ve been accused of everyone drug addicts family members I’ve tried to leave kicked him out he keep coming back I think I should move out of state I’m so lost I’ve lost almost 80 lbs from stressing im still with him and it gets harder everyday he makes me feel bad if I kick him out he has no where to go how to move on please I need help I’m sad and confused I’ve tried everything sometimes I almost start to feel like I’ve done the horrible things he convinced himself I’ve done

      1. I too have almost been ‘convinced’ I’ve done the horrible things I’ve been accused of. I have actually questioned myself as he does to myself…horrible.

  82. can anyone help me with controlling my jealous behaviour? I have been seeing an incredible girl for about 3 months and in that time I’ve accused her twice of cheating! I was cheated on by my ex with one of my best friends and it destroyed me! I would cry out of the blue and felt absolutely gutted all the time. The girl I’m seeing is amazing and she’s the first person for over 3 years that I’ve had real feelings for so I really want to make an effort to stop being so accusing of her because I know it really upsets her to think I think that badly of her. The first time I accused her was about a month in and I thought she was talking to another guy and meeting him so I told her, she denied it and said I was ridiculous for even thinking it and we had a long argument over it which only resulted in me feeling even worse than when I thought she was up to no good. We sorted things out and it was fine we were getting on great until last weekend, she had already told me about this and we had discussed it and come to an agreement on it, basically she was going away for a night out with a group of about 12 friends one of which was her ex! To start with she told me way in advance that she was going and he was going too and that she may have to share the hotel room with him because the rest of her friends had already sorted who they were sharing with, I told her no way and she said that was fine because she would hit the roof if it were the other way around, so she told her friends that and then her ex started moaning that he didn’t want to pay full price for his own room so she ended up sharing with him anyway! I was fuming and put in an awkward position because I haven’t met her friends yet and I didn’t want to kick up a massive fuss about it and make myself look bad to them and her, I wanted to show her I trust her and reluctantly said ok. So anyway she goes but for about a week before her ex is texting her saying things like show me your beautiful face and I can’t wait to go it should be fun!! Which set my mind racing, the closer it got the worse it got and by the time she was there and on the night out I was freaking out thinking all sorts of things, she was ringing me from the night out playing songs to me down the phone and then I hear a mans voice saying lets go and find everyone else now!!!! That was it for me she was definitely up to no good in my mind! So I just blanked her calls and texts till the next day but she knew I was annoyed so the next day came to see me at work when she got back and we kind of sorted things then but not really because we still ended up arguing later on and she said I was pushing her away with all the accusations, now it’s been a week and I’ve seen her a few times but not as much as I’d have liked to she’s busy with work being a teacher in training which I can understand that she has a lot of work to do but she just seems really distant since last week and I feel like I’m walking on eggshells because I don’t want to say pay me more attention and look desperate or insecure but I can’t help feeling she’s lost interest or that I have pushed her away and she’s just hanging on for something better and keeping me on the back burner! I really really do love her and tell her a lot and she does too but I still get the feeling she may just be saying it! This is what I need help with the most I want to believe what she says and not think the worst All the time because it’s driving me crazy in torn between ending it myself to stop this feeling and carrying on hoping it will go away! I want to be with her and I know I’d be hurting myself and her if I ended it because of my problems so please any advice is welcome!!……..

    1. Hi
      I have a few questions for you….Do you feel like you deserve her? Are you truly happy? Do you like being angry and confused?
      I know love hurts and it’s scary not knowing but it’s time to take that leap of faith TRUST! Sometimes the mind thinks it knows what the heart wants. You have to decide if she is worth the risk. She seems like a very upfront, honest woman. That’s a rare quality. If you love her then go for it. “It’s better to have loved and lost that never to have loved at all.” I learned a long time ago you can’t make anyone do anything. Relationships are hard work but once you work out the kinks, I hear they’re pretty amazing. If you’re asking for advice, you’re on the right track. Keep loving and let all of your insecurities go. I know it’s hard and losing someone you love hurts but life is too short to sweat the small stuff. GOD has a plan for all of us. Put your faith in HIM and it will all work out. She’s with you so you must be the man in her life. Relax, breathe, let go of all negativity, and take the plunge. Lol

    2. Joe, I don’t know how long ago was this, but you are correct and she is totally wrong. Leave her, she does not value, consider nor respect you. How the hell would a “decent” “lady” that is in a relationship would dare to go out with the her ex and to top it off stay in a hotel room with her ex? Are you an idiot sir? I don’t think so! You are just hurting cause you were let down by this sick woman and deeply inside you discovered her true self and that she is not what you assumed and are in denial trying to justify and excuse her inexcusable terrible faulted behavior. To hell with all these mental feminist women that say you should trust her and blah blah blah. That is total bulls! What do you think these same women, including your dishonest one, would say and think of you if it was you the one going out of town with your group of friends that includes your ex girlfriend? Imagine if you add to that if you had the courage of staying in the same hotel, in the same bedroom, with your ex girlfriend? And against her approval, against her consent, against her wishes?!! Man up son and dump this mentally ill and personality disordered person before she hurts you or worse, you hurt her or yourself or others. Is not worth it, she is not worth it, women like this are not worth it. You deserve better. Do not be afraid to be alone for a while. It might take a while to heal but you will move on and with time you’ll develop leather skin and become wiser and be able to detect this type of skanks and run away from their evil twisted personality. You’ll get over it son, be strong and don’t let this affect your self esteem. Is not your fault that the world is filled with immoral crazy skanks like this and worse. Keeps your eyes peeled and keep your self respect and with wise observation with time you will find a decent woman that will respect you and respect herself. This goes both ways. Good luck son!

    3. Number one: Trust and communication are important.
      Number two: Don’t allow the past ruin things for you.
      Number three: It’s definitely not ok that your girfriend is giving her ex open doors to go through. If that’s the case, she may be allowing him to come back into her life, if you know what I mean. If that’s the case, she has to be honest with you.

      Both of you need to seriously sit down and talk about the course that the relationship is taking.

  83. i have been with my partner for 2and a half years for the first 6 months i dealt with a lot of crap left over from his first relationship. All to do with trust issues, space, accusations of disloyalty. we worked through almost all of it at the moment we live together first time so we have seperate rooms but we rarely sleep apart. I work in hospo so sometimes i dont get home till 1- 2 in the morning. its weird though we rarley have sex its almost like a chore for him now and when i come home really late i find him pantsless asleep it weird and half the time he has no memory falling asleep like that. He also talks in his sleep sometimes asking me why im there. On top of that i have started getting accused of being disloyal and he is having nightmares about me cheating and hes just been extra agitated towards me i dont know if he is taking stress out on me or whether something i am to blind to see. I really cant imagine him cheating the idea is almost absurd but maybe. I have no expierence with this type of thing. I dont know whats going on, im so stressed, confused and its bringing me down a lot
    i have never cheated on anyone ever. Female population help.

    1. Does he take any benzos that you know of? My ex was secretly eating Xanax and was never interested in sex and I’d always find him in weird naked positions. Like propped up in his bed with his junk in his hand and no memory of what he had been doing or falling asleep. He’d black out entire nights.

  84. Hello guys, I’m just wondering if you could help at all. So, me and my partner have been together for quite some time now, and recently some weird girl on social media started stirring some rubbish, telling Gemma (partner) to back off and that I was hers… Yet I didn’t even know who this other girl was in person – she used to just pop up every now and then with regards my music career. Anyway, after a short while, this other girl was blocked from contacting us because we was worried about it. But now my girlfriend believes that I am cheating on her. Although I have strong evidence to back up my accusation. I’ve never cheated, and neither has she. It would be great to get a response from somebody about this, I’m not sure what else I can do – I don’t want this to end due to some stalker. Thank you.

    1. I’ve dealt with this. My boyfriend’s ex girlfriend would send messages to me on fake facebook accounts and in game we would play to stop at nothing to try to break us up because he broke up with her and was happy with me. Think about both sides of the situation about whether someone may be jealous of your relationship. It could be an ex trying to break you up and win either of you back.

    2. I was terrorized by a ” unknown friend” of my husbands who would email him that I was cheating and actually produced pictures to prove it. Well they were stolen off a friend’s wall and were from years before I was even dating my husband. This “friend” was so concerned and kept trying to stop him from seeing me and that I lie and cheat etc. The friend was “concerned about him and he deserved better”. This went on for a year. There was nothing I could do this person would deactivate the email when we tried to respond.

  85. So i have been with my bf for about 3 years now and latley things have been weird for example one night i was sleeping and he left to hang out with his friend, i woke up around 2 in the morning and called him to see if he wawas heading home, he didnt answer but i heard the fence open and surely it was him. He came in and i was awake then he begins asking me who was the guy that i was hanging out with and i was soo confused since i was asleep and had woken up maybe 5 or 10mins before. He then explained he saw a guy in the alley in back of our house in a bike and he looked like my sisters boyfriends brother. I told him i was asleep what was his problem and he began telling me he feels im lying or hiding something. We argued because i feel offended by him everytime im accused of doing something that i havent done mostly cheating since i have never done anything to make him think that way. Today i went to a rosary because a friend died and he didnt go because he went to pick up our baby. He came to pick me up and i wasnt answering my phone because i was consoling my friends daughter since she was crying and didnt want to eat. After i came out and my phone was dead. I walked to the corner because i seen a car with their Emergency lights. Since it wasnt our car i walked back the other way and seen the car. As i opened the door he said who was in the van i came out of?? I was so confused because i hadnt came out from any van. I want to work things out but i cant stand him accusing me of thinks that dont make sence to me. I try talking to him but we always end up disagreeing or arguing. Any advise i feel bad when he accuses me because i see how he thinks of me. I love him but i dont understand his trust issues and his made up theories. Has someone ever been threw this? Did you work out? Does this mean we are in a unhealthy relationship? How can i help him believe me and trust me?

    1. Yes. I feel you. The relationship I’m currently in he keeps accusing me of cheating on him also
      But I have so much respect for him I ccouldn’t imagine being with someone else.
      He came in the house “from running errands” and as he walked in the door I was sitting on the sofa, and before he said anything he said it smells like sex. In the living room. Truth is I
      Was just smoking weed about 5-10min before he came in. He didn’t believe it was the strong smell of the weed. In his mind I was just cheating on him. Funny thing is my past relationship, the guy constantly accused me of cheating on him almost everyday. Come to find out
      It was him doing all of the sleeping around. It will have you doubting yourself. It makes you feel so low and sad. No thought of cheating has even crossed my mind.

      1. Omg your story is so much like mine. This guy talk to himself night and day most negative. He hear voices. He was once in love with me until his illness took over. Everyday he would accuse me of cheating , said I smell like fresh sex when I just got home from work. He would check my underwear. Life’s like living in hell. I have one a son with him that’s why I’m so tide on to him. Abuse in many ways. He would treat me like shit but treat other with respect. All the voices in his head would come strong around me to make him angry..I’m so hurt he tell me he no longer want to be with me. That he don’t love me anymore after 9 years of being together. He’s not taking any med or getting any kind of treatment. I’m so hurt.. Any suggestions. …where can I go for help?

        1. You need to speak with a counselor about this. Maybe he/she may redirect you to the right specialist for the problem you’re describing

    2. You are the only power in your world, but you cannot change your boyfriend. What you can do is to unemotionally stick to facts in your explanation and to explain how sleepy you were at the time. Keep standing up for yourself. Your bf sounds responsible if he went to pick up the baby. If you come from a position of not being needy (you aren’t emotionally needy like a child, but you are an adult who has something positive to offer in an relationship – such as positive self esteem and positive relationship esteem- and you aren’t fearful – you don’t fear disapproval) then you will be strong. You can become independent by identifying with your higher power, your godlike self. I recommend a CD put out by Mellen-Thomas Benedict called Journey through the Light and Back, specifically disc 2. (I have no financial interest and this CD has been illuminating for me). Your job is to love, heal and redeem yourself, not your boyfriend. Only he can work on himself. But you can stay in a positive relationship with him by maintaining your own positive self-esteem (and that doesn’t mean conceit) and positive relationship esteem. He sounds needy and fearful. Keep reassuring him his doubts are without merit. Good Luck! 🙂

    3. Going through the same thing too he accusing me for something I never done I feel so hurt because I am faithful to him . He broke up with me calling me a lier and a cheater and that I’ve beentalking to a much older man. I am so in love with my boyfriend I dnt understand how he would do this to me now I can’t contact him cause he changed his number I feellike I am dying

    4. If he is stepping out in the middle of the night and accusing strange men of being with you when you are sound asleep not to mention accusing you of stepping out of vehicles you were never in, this man is either delusional or projecting his actions/cheating onto you.

      Some people think they can justify their own cheating if they convince themselves that their partner is also cheating. If they convince themselves then they can feel better about their own wrong actions.

      If any person, man or woman is stepping out in the middle of the night to “hang with a buddy,” they are lying, because why wouldn’t they hang with their buddy during the day?

      You need to walk away from this one.

    5. hi yes I have been with my boyfriend goin on two years now and I am goin through that exact thing I am constantly being accused of cheating and like you said I respect him to much true enough I did do some dirt at the beginning but we have been through so much that I have actually changed my ways a lot but he will come to my job and pick out random cars remind you I work in a hotel and he will say that they are there for me or he will take pictures of licensing plates and swear that they are around our home or something he also comes in the house after him being gone all night and start inspecting stuff and asking off the wall questions ive been goin through this for a year now and im so tired of being accused its gets worse but that’s jus a brief story of what I am dealing with and I feel everything you are saying I hope things get better for you as well as myself especially cause he asked me to marry him and I said yes 🙁

      1. There is no need to put up with being accused of stuff you are not doing for over a year. Where does a misunderstanding and accusations turn into mental abuse? A week? a month? A year? If this has been going on for over a year then it’s never going to change. You are the only one that can decide if they want to live their lives that way or not. I’d put him with the rest of the trash at the curb if I were in your shoes.

  86. hi kim so ive been in a relationship with my guy for about 2 years now. about 7 months ago we broke up, so i decided to just start fresh and start trying to talk to someone new to get my mind off of it. so i ended up trying to text this one guy names mike, but i thought to myself why am i talking to you? why would i want to be with anyone else? so i quickely deleted his number and never thought about the kid again. Me and my boyfriend got back together the next day. So a month later, Thomas ( my boyfriend) got word of me texting the kid, now i admit i was flirting with the kid big time. But i soon realized i didnt want to be with anyone else so i quickely deleted and blocked his number. So me and thoams got into the biggest fight the day he found out, but we didnt break up. But he has no trust with me at all. So last night thomas was giving me a hard time about something, and so i call one of his friends scott to talk to him about how thomas was acting and if anything else was wrong with him that he wasnt telling me about. so today thomas gets word that i called scott… now thomas thinks im cheating on him with scott??? what do i do

    1. You did nothing wrong. This is what you do, you tell him you did nothing wrong, you are not cheating with anyone. Tell him calmly and firmly, and let him know you are not his property you are not his child or his underling, and you won’t be accused of anything you aren’t doing. Tell him it hurts your feelings when you are accused of doing something you aren’t and if he doesn’t stop it, it will ruin your relationship and you will walk away.

      Being firm, and calm and not tolerating a false accusation is usually the best approach. If the person knows deep down you aren’t doing anything and if they themselves aren’t projecting their own cheating, then they will stop. If they don’t then it just proves they don’t want the relationship to work and you’re wasting your time.

      1. Just wondering if anyone has any tips on how to reign in this kind of behaviour and stop constantly thinking you’re being done wrong? I’ve been seeing a girl a few years younger than me for about 3 months and within that time I’ve accused her twice already of talking to or being alone with other men, the first was someone we worked with and I knew had a thing for her but has a girlfriend. I was convinced that there was something going on with them and kicked off, she got offended and upset and we had a long argument and I felt awful. Now it’s happening again this time with her ex, they have mutual friends and last weekend went away for the night about 12 all in all but a while beforehand she told me that she had to share a room with her ex because everyone else was already sharing. I said no and she said fine because if it were the other way round she would hit the roof, then her ex turns round and says he doesn’t want to pay full price for his own room so they end up sharing again, she told me repeatedly that nothing would happen and she loves me and would never risk losing me over anything but when it came down to it I still accused her of being alone with him and wanting to share the room she told me nothing happened and showed me messages sent between them and there really isn’t anything too bad there especially from what she was saying to him, he made a few comments I don’t like but she didn’t respond to them. Long story short I need help with feeling like this because she means everything to me and has already said when we were arguing that I’m pushing her away, I don’t want to do that I want to pull her further in but everything I do seems to do the opposite and m starting to notice that she’s distant. I’m pretty sure it’s because of me but she is busy with work so I’m walking on eggshells because I don’t know what she’s thinking! She tells me to chill and relax but it’s always going round my mind that she’s already to far away for me to get back

        1. One word you need to remember son, STD’s. Leave her before she gives you warts or AIDS! She is wrong and should not be forgiven. Leave her and run for the hills and don’t look back. You’ll find a sane person to love but you must first get rid of this relationship. She is damage goods. Good luck son!

      2. Omg, I can’t believe all the women on here that are going thru the same thing, I was even thinking i was the crazy one. I went with him for a year & then we were married almost a year. At first he was the best so good to me and spoiled me. I thought he was my best friend, lover etc. I love him so much but then they change become delusional always turning things around on you. If you don’t answer the phone or text your cheating. Always accuses me of lying & running the streets and if a man knocks on the door then i had sex with them, he says that i have a problem wanting to have sex all the time which isn’t the case. He is the very sexual one but he says that i’m cheating because i’m always tired that means i’m screwing everyone else and that he’s been so dumb because he’s taking it easy on me while everyone else is making love to his wife. I bruise very easily well every time i got a bruise it was a hickie & i was having rough sex since i’m the biggest slut he will call me all kinds of horrible names. I am a strong women & have argued & denied all the accusations because i’m a loyal person & if i love someone I don’t want anyone else. I would find myself not wanting anyone calling me or wouldn’t go anywheres to avoid being accused but that wouldn’t work either he would come home and say you smell like sex. I’m very clean & have never smelled like that only when we have been together. I even deleted my fb because he is very flirty & has his own business and has several women actually most of his friends are women on fb & i would get upset because he is such a bragger puts all his business on fb i would call him a fb whore & i’m more to myself. Never was friends with anyone I dated. But he said i got rid of it because i was ashamed of him didn’t want him to tag me & didn’t want all my lovers being able to contact me. I was in a 27 year old marriage before which my husband previously cheated & i left him we were separated & he died in a accident. But there was some abuse & cheating in that relationship so i never would do such a thing cuz i know how hurt i was when that happened to me. I’m not that type of person. One time we had been dating for 6 months & he had some women’s clothes in his closet & drawers i never snooped but i was cleaning his house & decided to organize his clothes & drawers so i found them. I always carried a bag back & forth. So I said whose clothes are those he said some women that he would see before me but it was nothing just sex. She would come late at night & had to be gone early in the am. So why all the clothes i told him that he needed to get rid of them & he said that i couldn’t tell him what to do at his house. That he would get rid of them when he was ready. I said okay then a couple weeks later i got everything & threw them away. But i had taken a picture of the stuff in trash bags the next time we got into it i sent him a pic of the trash bags & he said why are you sending me that i said your a smart guy figure it out oh my he was furious then he called me all kinds of names & said how dare you he had a safe in his closet & always kept his closet locked most of the time. I didn’t ever even go into his closet he sent me a pic of a busted closet door & said you broke into my closet & stole my safe which he said i stole 30k & important papers. I said okay whatever you say & he said i’m calling the cops there going to dust for fingerprints etc. Then i was so upset & told him he was crazy that all i did was throw trash away. He called me cussing calling me all kinds of names & texting me bad stuff. I stopped responding then a few days later he begged me to come over said i miss you etc. So i went over there and then asked him what about the stolen safe he would change the subject & act like i never said anything never acknowledged it. Well once we dated a year we got married he accused me on the day of my wedding that i was talking to other man cheating we didn’t even sleep together on our wedding night. I was so distraught hurt, upset and felt like what have i done big mistake. But we had my parents his daughter & my sister there so he acted like everything was okay when we saw them but gave me hell in private. Then once we got back he constantly accused me it got worse we argued every other week at first then it was daily. He had his house & i had my house so he would get mad & leave to his house. I would always have to be the one to go to his house & talk to him one time i decided not to call him or text or run to his house for a whole week he said he knew that i didn’t love him at that point & that i should’ve never stayed away that long big mistake. I begged him to come back to my place he did & then he would still accuse me get mad leave same old same old then i got a text from someone i have no idea who saying they missed me & would i meet them i said no because i was married also said who is this? They said if you meet me you will remember who it is. I said no then he was coming & i told them i couldn’t talk to stop texting me I blocked the number because i didn’t want him to ask who keeps texting you so i tried to handle myself. I thought it was a old friend i used to see every now & then but hadn’t seen him since before i got married never cheated never seen anyone once we started dating seriously. Well that person not sure who kept texting for me to meet them i said no i never agreed to meet you they said via text i never actually spoke to them that i should’ve never done that & that they had googled my husband & saw pics on fb when we married which was false because the guy i knew i never told him my husbands name all i said is that i was in a serious relationship and was going to get married so i knew it wasn’t anyone i knew. Then the next thing i know i’m on the phone with my husband then he says i’m getting all these text from someone saying they have information about my wife & then he gets the texts & then he claims that a guy called him saying they had more information i said no they dont because theres nothing. Well then that person disconnects that number & he keeps on asking me who was i cheating with give him a name or our marriage is over. I told him idk who that was that someone set me up that it was probably him or either he was the one cheating cuz usually when someone is always accusing there the ones that is cheating. He left & when i went to his house he said he wanted a divorce because i was a slut liar & a cheater & that he was going to change his locks & put a restraining order on me. So i said dont worry wont ever come back I’m not a stalker. So he filed for a divorce I signed & now he’s asking for the rings everything he ever gave me for my birthday, christmas kitchen stuff, christmas decorations that we bought a tv he bought for my house because mine wasn’t big enough. He cut my cable off because i had dish before he wanted to change to Direct & he put in his name once he left he disconnected it & i had to get it set up again. Called my insurance to remove his name off of my policy. Just very cruel i am heartbroken & feel so hopeless Ive told him lets try to work things out that i didn’t want a divorce. I even got a tattoo with his name on my back & he got my name as well but i had never ever had a tat before. That was to prove to him how much i loved him. But he said he needed a fresh start thats the only way that he can get over me cheating which i never did. Delusional, but i do love him & now he’s saying if i don’t give him his stuff he’s not letting me get my 2 vehicles that i had at his house there older vintage cars. I just don’t get how someone that showed me so much love in the beginning can switch into a heartless person that i’m sure he is telling his kids that i cheated all kinds of things. And he’s posting all over fb that he’s at the casino, having a cookout & his latest deal that he got flowers & that he thinks who there from that usually men dont get flowers but there definitely from a women cuz he doesn’t get down like that. Then a women puts okay i’m busted but look at the beautiful flowers he got me & supposedly she’s a attorney which he probably met when he got our divorce paper typed up because he had me sign a notarized statement that we weren’t going to disagree what was mine is mine & he was to keep his stuff. So I signed that and now he’s pulling this. I am so heartbroken & hopeless i really thought this was going to be my husband for the rest of my life. I even thought of ending my life but i have kids & grandkids & would never do that to my family. He’s someone else i dont know this person he’s not who i fell in love with. I was a widow & went through so much grief before this feels the same way & I can’t wrap my head around it keep trying to figure out what happened who did this but i do believe its him that he didn’t want to be married & just wanted out i even told him why would you put me through all this all you had to do was tell me you wanted a divorce i’m not going to try to force anyone to stay married to me if they dont want to be. It sure does hurt though. But i know i’m a good person & god must have something better for me or i just need peace even if it’s alone. However, i would’ve respected him way more if he could’ve been up front but i guess crazy delusional paranoid men can’t do that.

    2. To night my boy friend thinks I’m cheating on him and my fdaughter is 7 months and my daughter cried because he yelled at me and thinking of leaving and I can’t leave because my daughter and I has no where to go. What can I do to prove i don’t have time to cheat on him?

  87. hello!
    i have been accused of cheating on my husband. the picture here is little complicated. my husband went abroad for job search to have a better life with me. because of time zone difference he was not able to give time to me. days passed by he wasn’t connecting to me because of the struggle . I on the other hand was going insane thinking what has happened to him why has he forgotten me. just to divert my mind i started talking to my school friend whom my husband don’t know. i was chatting to him and he started flirting and i casually flirted with him. there was nothing between us we were just doing all the drama in chat. there was no infidelity. when my husband read that chat he assumed that i have cheated on him because of the wording. at that time i was in my homeland country and he was abroad. after three months i went to stay with him. i stayed with him for a year. things were not smooth. i tried to explain things but he doesn’t listen. he just kept on saying you stabbed on my back, when i was going through a hard time. he made me feel guilty millions of time. i cried like hell.
    after two years of marriage he is giving me a divorce on the basis of that chat.
    i am so much broken right now. have a severe depression. he doesn’t want to see my face . want to talk. i don’t understand what to do. i love him a lot. i really do. and he is a nice man. its just he doesn’t want to trust.

    1. Unfortunately, too many people think that infidelity is only “physical” or “sexual.” Infidelity occurs any time you take something that belongs in your primary relationship and do it outside. Flirting and “drama” even via technology is still cheating. Read this post to clarify. If you have spent the last year explaining away your actions rather than owning up and admitting they were inappropriate, then it is easy to see why your husband was/is upset.
      It was more than “just a chat” it stepped over the boundaries that surround a healthy relationship. I’m sorry that you fell into the trap of thinking what you were doing wasn’t wrong or cheating. Maybe if you own up and apologize to your husband things could start to heal.
      I wish you well,

    2. I find it curious your choice of words. You said “He started flirting,” but you downplayed your own actions by saying “and I casually flirted with him.” Was he casually flirting with you or was he full on flirting? If he was full on flirting then you should have known nothing good would have come from this– unless you were seeking this for a self esteem boost. You wanted to know that you still appealed to men.

      Sounds to me like you were looking for attention, when your husband was away and you sought out the attention from a source you knew would give you this attention.– a school friend that your husband didn’t have any knowledge of, and that’s why this situation turned toxic. Your husband had no knowledge of the guy and it was so easy for you to turn to him when you were feeling ignored.

      Did you physically do anything wrong? This area is grey, because we don’t have any details in the “casual flirting,” or full on flirting because you down played it. Either way, your husband saw the flirting to be a threat to your marriage and felt betrayed. Something was said in the interactions between you and your school friend that made your husband to decide it was over.

      You may not have physically cheated on your husband when he was away but he saw it as an emotional affair.

    3. I’m sorry to say this but you did commit infidelity. If the man you were chatting with was flirting with you and you were flirting him back, bad mistake.

      I think what you should do is to talk with your husband. You lack of trust towards your husband thinking that he forgot about you as you expressed. If that’s how you think based on the way you’ve talked about your husband, you have issues which clearly say that you’re not the right person for your husband. He deserves someone that truly trusts in him and not someone like you who can’t trust. Reality hurts but it’s the reality

  88. Hello Kim,
    Just last night my boyfriend and I went to his friends house. The whole entire night i could hardly get a word in cause they were talking up a storm. When my boyfriends friend would talk to me i would just be polite and occasionally laugh at his jokes. however at the end of the night as we are getting ready to leave his friend asked for a ride to another persons house. so of course we said yes. however we had trouble finding it so we pulled over to a corner store to let his friend ask for directions. When he got out my boyfriend looks at me and says why are you flirting with him? you have been playing with your hair, laughing at everything he says and he also accused me of sticking my butt out to him which is not true because the whole night we were sitting and the only time i stood up was to leave and when i stood up i stretched my back out, im not sure if that looked like i was sticking my butt out but the point is i was not flirting with his friend. my boyfriend and i have a 6 month old son together. i truly believe he is my soul mate and the person i want to be with for the rest of my life. however he is now telling me i am a slut and wont even talk to me and telling me im a liar and to just go with his friend.. i just dont know what to do at this point.. he wont talk to me or even look at me.. please.. i need some advice here. what should i do?

    1. Sounds to me like your boyfriend is an ass, and by the accusations and insults (which is NEVER ok,) he has an abusive side to him.

      This may be a prelude of a disastrous relationship in the future. This has warning signs written all over it.

      Dear, if someone loves you they do not I repeat, they do NOT insult you even if there is a misunderstanding. If I were in your shoes, i’d walk away. I know you have a child together, and it’s easier said than done, but in the little you have said here, it sounds like he is a toxic person.

  89. WHY IS HE ACCUSING ME OF BEING WITH HIS FRIENDS? IS MY EX ON COKE? A few weeks ago I spoke with my ex, made plans to meet up, and he made a small promise. He didn’t fufil the promise, so I decided not to meet up with him. He has dissappointed me in the past, and I’m unhappy everytime I’m with him because he’s super boring. He’s the most boring & cheap guy I’ve ever been with, all we would do is watch TV. Recently, he told me that he “knows” that i’m with his friend and that im on coke. WTF! I don’t know any of his friends, the few I have breifly met, where I guess what you might call “geeks/nerds”, and I don’t know their names. Also I don’t do coke, so thats totally random as well. What would possess him to accuse me of being with his friends? Is he mentally ill? Where does he come up with these ideas? It hurts so bad to have to let go of a friend, but he’s damaged beyond repair. I think he has good intentions but he is lost in his own head. Unfounded accusations are the most insane shit I’ve ever dealt with. Why on earth would I be with his friends????? Or do coke??? is this his way of telling me that he’s on coke?

    1. IF he’s accusing you of stuff you aren’t doing and is damaged beyond repair as you put it, then sometimes people aren’t meant to stay in our lives. They are just there for a brief moment to teach us something. Look like this ex friend has taught you something. He as taught you that people can betray you with lies.

      Walk away.

  90. My ex fiance ended our relationship of 5yrs. because he believed I was cheating, which I was not. He went so far as to put a digital recording device in our bedroom to catch me while he worked 3rd shift. He claims he heard me with another man, but all I heard was the tv which was left on while I slept. I saw a side of him I’ve never seen in the 5yrs we were together. He wouldn’t listen to anything I had to say to prove to him I didn’t and wouldn’t cheat on him and most definitely wouldn’t bring someone into our home or bed. And his work hours are never the same cause they work until all trucks are loaded so I don’t know when he’ll be home., but he claims the recording proves the “guy” left right before he got home. I know he has trust issues but this is ridiculous , to believe I did this because he’s done this with other men wives and girlfriends in their beds. I have more respect for myself, our relationship and home. I’ve been cheated on in the past and how I felt and would never do that to someone. I felt like I was having a nightmare I couldn’t wake from, then he made a bad situation worse by putting his accusations on Facebook . He’s claiming his family and friends have heard the recording and heard me cheating, which is a lie. I’ve spoken with his mom and sister, they believe him I wasn’t surprised about his mom she’s had a problem with me for a reason I could never figure out. I don’t know if he wanted out of the relationship for some reason and just didn’t want to look like the bad guy.

    1. What you need to remind yourself, is you don’t ever need to prove to anyone something you are not doing. He was the one making the accusation, (whether false or not,) he is the one who has the burden of proof.

      This is where most of us fall victim to either emotional or verbal, (sometimes physical) abuse. He needed to prove you were. Not the other way around. He felt that if he bullied you and badgered you then you’d be on your heels. If he’s setting up recording devices, for evidence and still provides nothing except the sound of the TV, and then wanting to humuliate you by putting it on social media??

      Sounds to me like this ex-fiance ending your relationship is a blessing in disguise. Sounds like he’s a loser, abusive and his mother produced and idiot like herself.

  91. Ive been married for thirteen years and still do not understand why my husband accuses me of cheating on him ivr been a stay at home mom doing things with our two kids doing the grocery shopping being absentminded never thinking of any man except my husband to have him not communicate with me be jealous of spending time with our kids inviting him to do so never tells them he loves them not ever and thinks having sex is spending time with ive gotten to the point of telling him I hate sex because we never do anything together except that and he never makes plans to ever do anything with me or the kids I dont know what to do anymore ive lost myself making or trying to make him happy

    1. Why does he accuse you of cheating, no one will ever know for sure. But my question is why do you continue to stay with someone that continues to falsely accuse you of something you’re not doing. For 13 years. Sounds to me like he is one of those misery loves company type people. If I were to guess he’s a drinker would I be right?

      He sounds emotionally abusive. If he honestly felt you were having an affair he wouldn’t want to have sex with you any more. The fact that he is still willing to sleep with you shows that he knows deep down you are not having an affair. Now That doesn’t mean he isn’t. He might not be, but it is strange to continue to accuse someone for 13 years of having an affair, when he knows you are not. For some reason he feels the need to shift guilt or blame onto you for something. If he felt in his heart you were having an affair he would have left long ago. The fact he hasn’t and the fact he’s still having sex with you shows he knows, you are not.

      Now, why is he behaving the way he is? Is he an alcoholic? Is he physically abusive? verbally abusive? He’s trying to shift the blame of something in him onto you to alleviate his own misery. The sooner you find out what, the better.

  92. I’m kind of different, I’m the one with the question, however feel I have significant concerns. A lot of red flags, have talked to her about each in length, she understands and reassures nothing is taking place. My suspicion is one person long time affair. She is friends with his wife and knows their work / home. schedules better than mine. She made the point of introducing herself to him while he was moving in. We were working in the yard together that day. Didn’t say hey let’s go meet the neighbor , ask if he’d like some help, she did this on her own., his wife was not with him. So at the time did not know he was married. His wife will come over and visit regular on Friday/Saturdays , he’s been invited but always has an excuse. We did have a party a while back and he came was stand offish, then at one point was looking for wife to take picture and couldn’t find her. Turns out he and she were the only ones outside in the back.

    Am I paranoid?

    1. Maybe. More details about how your relationship with your wife would be needed. Has she suddenly kept a strange schedule which she never has had before, working later, needing to go away for weekends, etc. Has her sex drive seemed to plummet, as in she’s no longer interested in having sex with you. Is she suddenly dressing more provocatively, when she didn’t before, is she suddenly receiving strange phone calls and needing to talk privately without you around….

      The fact that a new neighbour has moved in, and she has befriended them doesn’t prove anything….. yet. The fact that he came to your party and was stand-off-ish, also doesn’t prove anything, except he could be a jerk, or having a bad day, and the fact that your wife is in the open back yard with him, doesn’t prove anything either, because most people won’t have an open affair in the wide open. But, if there are other warning signs, and if his wife is also worried because his behaviour has suddenly changed, there could be fire behind that smoke you are seeing.

      If you have more details about her behaviour, it might help shed some light.

  93. Hi I’m haley. I’ve been married to my husband for going on 7 months. We have a long distance relationship and we love each other. But two days ago he got a message from who he says is a complete stranger and new alot about me and showed him a picture (that was not me) and he’s accusing me of cheating. We have a son together and I love my husband so much. I have promised and swore up and down I’m not. But I don’t know what to do to make him believe me. I love him so much. Please help me.

    1. I’m also afraid he might do something because he thinks I did but I didn’t I don’t know what else to do I don’t want to lose him I can’t lose him please please help me

  94. My wife always think I’m cheating, when I’m not doing anything and its getting on my nerves….i really want my marriage to work but I down to my last piece of nerve, so please tell me what to do

    1. Then tell her exactly that. You love her and want it to work, but with all these false accusations it can’t work. A human being can only put up with so much, and tell her you are at the end of your rope. It’s up to her if she wants the marriage to work.

  95. My bf and i hv been together for almost 5yrs..since the start i told him iv my friends who happen to b with me for half of my life and counting..(now16yrs and counting)..we r 5grls and 1gay(literally gay).snce then i tried to make him undrstand that my gay friend is harmless..but snce he doesnt like gays (mayb cultural reasons coz my bf is an Indian) i undrstand him as well..even my frnds undrstands him too..but i dnt get tored of making him gay friend is one of the person who helped me n my bf alsonin the lowest time of our relationshp.but stil he cnt accept him.he accused me that myb somethng happnd to me n my gay friend bfre ,that myb a slept wth him so on and so forth..he use to name call my friend.whch really freaks me out.he askd me whom i wil choose him or my gay friend whch again i find so unreasonable.he told me nt to initaiate converstaion wrn him dnt do this dont do that.but one day i find him so excited when he saw one of his friend at work who happn to b a grl..and calling him baby in frnt of me..and this is ok to him as of its normal.i got realy upset and i dnt want to talk to him.he tried to talk to me fr few hrs bt i refused and until now we dnt talk.he ddnt evn try again to talk to me.and as if im breakinng up wth him and leaving him fr nothing.lke its all my fault.what shoul i do.?i love him so mch but it hurt too..pls i need some advice.thanks

  96. Wow I never knew so many people went threw this. The worse feeling that anyone could do to you is not physically abuse but psychology abuse and manipulate you. I know I’m not alone. Just wish the best for you all. Never too late to get out just hang in there. I know it’s easier to say than done. Best wishes to you all.

  97. What is wrong with these Men? Is there hope of them ever getting help. I need to leave and I’m so scared and feel like I have no power or control!

    1. Sad girl,
      Get into counseling; talk to someone; get some support. Once you are balanced in yourself you can make good decisions that keep yourself safe and healthy.

  98. My bf of four months accused me of cheating on him. He was to broke up with me and said that I have been cheating on him since day one. He said I brought guys over to his place when he was out with was in Vegas or night that he was out partying or when I know he won’t be home. I don’t have key to his place and he lives in a gated community. I tried to understand why he would accused of me like that and tried to show him proof that I didnt. I still lives with my parents and they’re very cultural. I never get to spend night at anyone house even my cousins or best friends. I told him there’s no reason for me to cheat I got cheated on before from my ex so I don’t believe in cheating I told him this when we started our relationship. The worse things is he said he love me and want to understand why I woukd do something like that to him. I told him I can’t deal with this I have proof myself and explained myself to him why would I want to cheat on him. In couples of day he would text me and said ” what did I do to deserve this, I just want to leave a peaceful life” “why why would you do this to yourself, I remember that dude looking at you like you were I stripper” ” omg I need to go check on myself I don’t know how many men you have been with”. The most disgusting thing he could think of me. I never cheat on anyone. I don’t even have backup options like some people would have. I’m a good girl and I know that I don’t need to explain myself for someone who disrespect of me like him. Still it get to me because I care about this him. I think he need help. What should I do? Should I stay away or should I get help for him. He told his friends and family that I cheated on him with some dude in his own bed and place. I don’t know his friends to where I would talk to them that much. I meet his family but I don’t want to just show up at their house and tell them that I’m not like that their son need help. I Think they would trust their son vs me.

    1. I’d tell him put up or shut up. Provide evidence of me doing anything, and if you can’t do that then telling your friends and family is slander. If you want me to walk out of your life and never look back, then keep it up. If you don’t then get help and stop lying about me.

  99. Well , My husband saw a conversation through email messenger with and ex I had when he left me twice, as he was cheating on me in the past. This ex is now working in the same company I do and he found me on the communicator, we do not work on the same facilities, but form time to time to talk through work messenger.Now he is saying I did disrespect him and that I probably cheating on him. We were fighting lately so he said I was probably looking for a penis because we were mad. I only have a messenger friendship with this person but he do not believe that. So he threating on leaving the whose if I do not ended the communication with this guy. I said if that gives you security I do not have a problem on do it that. Right now he do not speak to me, he just ignore me. I do not say a word as I do not think anything I could said can change his mind. The point is should I just wait until he wants to approach to me and talk or should I try to talk to him and explain there is nothing between my friend and I.

    1. Aurora,
      Get into counseling with him and have the help of a professional third party. You may want to recognize to your husband the hurt you caused him by connecting (in ANY way) with an ex. And he sounds like he could use some help on learning how to communicate, not shut down.
      For everyone out there– any contact with an ex is a huge potential problem. No FB, Skype, email, texts, workout apps, work email, handwritten letters, google+, pinning… No contact. It’s not just friends with an ex, the probability of it becoming more is too big. Especially if you have any marital problems (and face it, every marriage goes through problems.)
      Best of all for you and your husband, Aurora,

  100. I need some advice about my relationship, ive been dating with my boyfriend for 6months and the first time we have been dating i was happy and i fell inlove with him so much and he told me that if i could live with him with his mom house with his 2 sisters and step dad so i told him that why we wait if we could get our own apartment but he don’t have a job still, he wants me to be a wife figure and move temporarily at his family apartment so i moved and lived with him but at first place everthing is okay with his family and respect them all the time and cook for them, clean their apartments without helping me and wash the dishes and fold my boyfriend clothes and eveything i do to make them happy so they started to give me hard time because i found out when we went to their relatives house and I heard they talkin to me so bad that i only good for sex and i didn’t do anything to their house so i react why they talkin like that to me that i was the one who do everything aall the chores. i just don’t understand why they giving me a hard time and then we went to the store with his mmom his mom accused me for staring to the guy at the store and i was flirtacious and i even not staring or flirt and they kick me out at their house then i was crying cause they are so verbal abuse me, and him and his the older are very sweet and giving hug and kisses it seems like they have relatonship and every middle at 3am i wake up that his naked i maybe thought he went to his sister room well im not sure hif he is cause his naked and i dont have any proof if they do something cause they are brother and soster it will be weird if i accused them cause i never heard that sister and brother have sex or something will im not really sure so they kick out and after 2 weeks without living with his house i was happy and he wants to get back with me because he loves me so much so i believe cause i still love him and he say sorry and forgive him and he wants me to go back to his house so i went back to cause i cant let go of him because i really love him at the 2nd time i went back we always fight again because he always bring his phone to the bathroom all the time and he take so long in the bathroom for like an 1 hr to use it becuase his excuse is his pooping is hard to come & i understand wheb i borrowed his phone because i don’t have a phone and got to use his phone for to talk to my mom and text my mom but there is always overreact that why i have to talk to my mom and he told me i was very nosy and try to find out hat he do something. will he always overeact and we always fight and tells me im ugly i have monkey feet and everything will alot of people likes me and tell me im very pretty and sexy. its hard there is alot things been happening . he always say sorry and forgive him what should i supposed to do move on or not let go of him. i love him so much but the problem is he always accused me that i was cheating but i got a feeling too that his having sex with his 22 year old sister, he has a 2 sister the other was 13, and him he was soo really close to the 22 yrs old giving kisses and call her love or saying i love you to her 22 yeard old sister i dont know if should i tell him what i feel just fight to what i feel becuase i feel hurt whenver they really so close each other more than me. and he always defend his sister whenever i tried to talk and let it out what i feel but i cant do it because they have a smart mouth the whole details is their they wont let me talk, all the wordsbis their if i was trying to talk to him

  101. I need some advice about my relationship, ive been dating with my boyfriend for 6months and the first time we have been dating i was happy and i fell inlove with him so much and he told me that if i could live with him with his mom house with his 2 sisters and step dad so i told him that why we wait if we could get our own apartment but he don’t have a job still, he wants me to be a wife figure and move temporarily at his family apartment so i moved and lived with him but at first place everthing is okay with his family and respect them all the time and cook for them, clean their apartments without helping me and wash the dishes and fold my boyfriend clothes and eveything i do to make them happy so they started to give me hard time because i found out when we went to their relatives house and I heard they talkin to me so bad that i only good for sex and i didn’t do anything to their house so i react why they talkin like that to me that i was the one who do everything aall the chores. i just don’t understand why they giving me a hard time and then we went to the store with his mmom his mom accused me for staring to the guy at the store and i was flirtacious and i even not staring or flirt and they kick me out at their house then i was crying cause they are so verbal abuse me, and him and his the older are very sweet and giving hug and kisses it seems like they have relatonship and every middle at 3am i wake up that his naked i maybe thought he went to his sister room well im not sure hif he is cause his naked and i dont have any proof if they do something cause they are brother and soster it will be weird if i accused them cause i never heard that sister and brother have sex or something will im not really sure so they kick out and after 2 weeks without living with his house i was happy and he wants to get back with me because he loves me so much so i believe cause i still love him and he say sorry and forgive him and he wants me to go back to his house so i went back to cause i cant let go of him because i really love him at the 2nd time i went back we always fight again because he always bring his phone to the bathroom all the time and he take so long in the bathroom for like an 1 hr to use it becuase his excuse is his pooping is hard to come & i understand wheb i borrowed his phone because i don’t have a phone and got to use his phone for to talk to my mom and text my mom but there is always overreact that why i have to talk to my mom and he told me i was very nosy and try to find out hat he do something. will he always overeact and we always fight and tells me im ugly i have monkey feet and everything will alot of people likes me and tell me im very pretty and sexy. its hard there is alot things been happening

  102. My husband accuses me everyday of having an affair. I am tired of it. I would love to get a divorce, but I can’t now financially and because of things going on with our children.

  103. My husband and I were married for 28 years- I used to work long hours, and he would stop by my work late at night while I was finishing up and just say he wanted to pick me up so we could drive home together. I loved that, sometimes thought it was a bit strange, but loved it. It was an extra 1/2 hour that we had just to talk in the car. We moved to another state, bought our first home, I was working pretty normal hours with he occasional weekend or late night, but soooo much less than before. My husband would do some traveling for his job, a few days or sometimes just overnight and no matter what was going on at work I was always home with our son. My husband even when we were dating used to accuse me of checking out other men-(I wasn’t) and I should have known then..
    As the years went on I thought we had this amazing relationship that could never be broken. Then it started, he always questioned me about things but never to the extent that it became.
    I had started to notice his car across the street from my work on occasion, he was calling me all the time just to say Hi, or I love you. I had a huge event at the club I worked at and on that day he called me 19 times, I had to run and pick something up from Fedex and when I walked out he was in the parking lot, he used his find my iphone to locate me. Said he drove past the club and didn’t see my car- never called though in those 19 calls to see where I was. That night after working 16 or so hours he confronted me with a tape that he had made of me and that was when the accusations truly started. He let me listen and I explained everything that he heard, I thought that was it..I was wrong. He kept calling all the time, stopping by my work, leaving the voice memo on my phone on, leaving the voice memo on his phone on in and would leave it in my office. I wouldn’t always know when or what he was doing but I do know that when he would ask me questions I couldn’t understand where the questions were coming from. I know he was recording me alot just from the inquisitions I would get everyday when we drove home. On the way to work I wold be asked “what do you have today? What times are your your meetings? Who will be there? Simple things, nothing over the top- more more and more questions- then on the way home I had to explain who I saw, what I did- what I was doing at 10:15, it started to bother me but didn’t really care because I wasn’t doing anything wrong.
    It was a few months of this and then everything came crashing down. I went to work like normal, he called me and said he wanted to go home, so I left work early, on the drive home he starting yelling at me saying he knew what I had done- I ddn’t know what I had done..he proceeded to tell me that he had my iphone on and he heard me with someone else. I had been talking to myself quite a bit due to all of the stress that was going on with my husband, my boss and just in general. That is what he heard but he as convinced, he would not back down- he made me quit my job, and then the words and actions that came form this man I loved- I didn’t know what happened to my life. I found myself just sitting and staring out at nothing, I was so confused, he would not believe me, he said he knew it in his gut. He said he had turned on my voice memo so that would have been hours of a recording, but he only focused on 45 seconds. His story kept changing about this 45 seconds. And what exactly was going on and being said. he sent this recording to audio analyst at he very discounted rates, they told him that he things that he said he heard were just not there, they did say they heard some kind of a man but in different places in this short clip and no words spoken-I volunteered to take a polygraph, the man said I was deceptive, I didn’t know anything about polygraphs so imagine my surprise when I told the truth and this was the result, I didn’t tell the man who administered the test about any of the events hat were going on in my home, the hateful words that were coming out of my husbands mouth, the pushing and shoving, I had no less than 6 bruises on my body when the est was administered from struggling with my husband, I am now convinced that due to the emotional and verbal abuse that I was experiencing, that is why the polygraph came back deceptive- I was being deceptive by not telling this man what was going on. But I did not lie about the infidelity. I never cheated on my husband. There was so much more, one day he loved me, one day we were getting a divorce, I would pack up and was told don’t go like this, very confusing. Sorry I have gone on so long, but what I know now that I didn’t know then was that I was in a dangerous situation and I wanted to share because even though I was not thrown around by my husband, what was going on was abuse- I just didn’t see and didn’t want to see it. Not this man, he loves me, this is just something he is going through, we’ll get through this….Well I now believe that I am blessed that nothing worse happened. If you are not sure seek help, but do it safely.I was calling counselors for us and they told me to leave, I didn’t listen. I knew there was spyware on our computer, I knew he had done something to my phone and ipad because I had strange icons that would pop up, clicking in the background while I was talking, it would turn on and off by itself, low battery etc…I am not tech savvy so of course as these things were happening I would ask my husband why, and it was always that I just had a bad phone. So if you identify with any of these things, get help and get out of that relationship. I have learned alot, about things that I never ever thought that I would be reading about for myself.
    Sad Girl is right-You are not alone!

  104. Hi, well my gf accuses me nonstop,she is more possesive btwn us n i do everything as she says .Its been 4 yrs now n 2 years bck i kinda cheated on her but ive told her every thing bout it but now everytime i talk with another girl she strts accusing .. pls help me how do i earn bck her trust ??

  105. I’m sorry you’re going through this. My boyfriend and I have been together for 7.5 years. I have an 8 yr old from a previous relationship and we have an 8 mo old together. Although I have a degree we both decided it would be better for me to be home with the boys full time which now has me in a bind. A couple months back he accused me of cheating because his best friend from high school told him that my oldest son’s father was at my parents’ house (to pick up my son for the weekend) while I was also there (dropping him off). This same find of his is the brother of a girl he cheated on me with (for months before I found out) a couple years ago. I don’t know how to get him to understand I have never cheated on him. Even after finding out he cheated on me I have remained faithful. I even agreed to a DNA test for the baby but now he says that just because the baby is his doesn’t mean I didn’t cheat. I’m at my wits end because he’s demanding I prove to him I didn’t cheat but how can I when there’s nothing to prove not cheating. I want to get the accuser in front of us so this can be settled but he doesn’t agree. I feel it’s my accuser who should be providing evidence but of course he doesn’t think his best friend (whose sister he used and tossed aside) is capable of lying to him. I want to leave but I have no means of transportation and no job. I don’t know what to do! I love him so much but I can’t take it any longer.

  106. My husband has been accusing me of cheating for years as well, but since his Mom died he has been more abusive with his words. I am pregnant and have agreed to take a lie detector test and he said they wouldn’t do it until after the baby is born. He keeps making up lies about our past saying I did things that I never did and that I will burn in hell for my sins.

    I gave him an ultimatum last summer and he said he would stop and get help; he has been to counseling like 3 times in a year. He is more constant now and he is negative and miserable 90% of the time. I am in no position to leave him right now but I can’t raise a son under the same roof.

    My husband’s father and mother neglected him when he was a child and his father was extremely abusive, his load is his stuff and I can’t carry it anymore.

    He is now saying that he hasn’t gotten far in life due to me being negative and not being there for him. I have supported him through everything for 20 years and I have given up a lot. I feel like he has stolen my youth and I can never ever get it back.

    I feel like a weak shell of a person who has lost who she was a long time ago.

    Please people know that you are not alone!

  107. Hi, well, my partner keeps going through my messages and questioning what I’m doing every night whilst he is at work. We have been together 8 years and have six children together, if I don’t hVe sex when he WANs to he automatically assumes that I’m cheating on him, I’d love to know when I have the time!
    Also two years ago I discovered he had a non emotional fling (with a friend of ours) it happened twice over the space of four months, before I found out he was cheating he put me brought hell accusing me off allsorts , now he is doing the exact same with his accusations and indirect insults and manipulation, he is blaming if on his tiredness from the night shifts he does, which was the same excuse last time, I don’t know what to think or do 🙁

  108. Hi, ;0) I am currently in a what should be wonderful relationship. But being that I’ve had a few deuce douch ( double the douch )!! Guys in my past. Whom we’re understated by much , when I say loser cheating nobody’s . This man is really good to me. But….. He has cheated with two girls. He calls it not cheating cause we were broke up a couple hrs and the other was just two or three days. This is where I’m having troubles. 1. If he truly loved me as I do him he wouldn’t have either time. I didn’t. Not a single thought. Now he’s swears that he’s in love faithful and is truly trying to help me with the rebuilding trust. But past issues ans thoughts perceptions or what ever…. Flags go up or as I call then ( behaviors / or patterns) I’m having so much issues with it. Lies, deception ! Please help me …. I’m madly deeply Inlove with this man and I need to get some help before. I lose the best thing who’s ever came into my life or push him away. If that’s not already the case.. Truly hung up on my hang up d.d

  109. First of all, I am not cheating, I an not even talking with another individual at all. I work, take care if four kids and my husband as well as go to school one night a week. I don’t have time to do anything extra in my life and I don’t know what to do. My husband goes through my texts. He creates suspicions in his head and then believes them. He hates liars, but is creating lies and really getting upset with me for the things he is making up. I am fed up and am sick of being ‘the push over.’ I always don’t want to be in a fight so I let him get mad, then am there with open arms when he is over it and apologetically. I need something to change and am unable to communicate with him. I can’t explain how I’m feeling without him getting upset. What can I do to nake him realise that I love him and wouldnt have married him if I wanted to be with other men? He used to go above and beyond to make me happy and want to be with him, now I feel like he is just pushing me away. He had 2 kids from a previous relationship (who cheated on him) I had one from my previous relationship (which was horrible) and we made one perfect son together. I don’t want to break my kids apart because of his insecurities, but I also do t deserve to be treated this way.

  110. My boyfriend who I love with all my heart is extremely abusive
    abusive. Emotionally mentally and yes physically. It all started when he became an addict. Pills bococaine. He first start by breaking my house. Then it got worse. He would kick me punch me. Head butt me. Throw me. He then stopped the physical abuse because I refused to hide it from his and my family. Yes they have all seen the bruises and cuts. So he stopped mostly because that was embrassing to him so he thought
    thought. That’s when the emotional and mental abuse started. Calling me a fuckin hoe. A can’t a witch a trap. Accusing me of cheating. Telling people I was stupid and a lier. Telling me that.
    Like I said extremely abusive. It is to late for me. There is nothing left of my spirit or soul. I’m broken. But if there is any women that can relate to my situation. Then ivsay to them. Fuckin run. Leave everything and run. Before u become powerless like me.

  111. I have been with my other half for 24 years and have now grown children together and a grandchild. He has been accusing me of men at work which is not true, it all started when we moved outskirts of town. I work two jobs and he is disabled. I give him what he needs and please him in many ways when I am off work BUT come Monday I am doing wrong, messing around, etc… I am too old and exhausted for this game I call it. I think there is a pattern, he dad did this to his mom when he was 11, 12 years old. His dad is a schrizophrenic, think it runs in the family??? He is so needy and insecure that it makes me sick… Advice please…

  112. My girlfriend and I have been dating 3 years. We’ve had rough patches and broke up but always come back together. Last year we were broke up. It came out when we were brpke up she had a 2 year affair with a married man thst she drove 50 miles to neet in a hotel. She accused me from very early on of cheating yet I never have nor have I ever on anyone I’ve been with. She stated she had 2 affairs when she was married because her ex cheated on her a lot. I’d been cheated on many time in my marriage it it devastated me. I sworn I’d never do that to anyone because I knew how it felt. My gf checked my cell records daily. She goes thru all my stuff, treats me like I’ve cheated on her. We work opposite shifts but we see each other every night, at my much break, her lunch break and in the morning before she goes to work. She tries to bully me into false confessions by telling me she “knows” or she has proof. That if I just confess she we can heal and move on. Yet honestly I’ve never cheated nor do I talk to any girls at all. She lied to me and said a a girl called her st work and told her she and I were a thing. I’ve reassured her over and over I have never cheated and that I don’t talk to any females, I’ve let her go thru my cell, my computer my emails yet she just keeps on accusing. I’ve asked to see the “proof” and she has yet to show me her comment is” look in your cell or your computer its there”. There’s no proof I have nothing to hide because I haven’t nor would I cheat or talk to any females. I just don’t understand…. She has come out once in awhile and said she knows I’ve never cheated nor would I yet she accuses again weeks later.

  113. My husband has accused me of cheating for years, together for 15 and married for 6. We have 3 kids together and he has worked away from home a lot and was convinced the entire time he was gone I would be hooking up with people from work or during work or bringing them home to our place. Keep in mind the entire time I am working 40-50 hrs per week and raising 3 small children that I need to drive to daycare and pickup daily, while helping with homework/cooking/cleaning/putting to bed all alone. I’m not sure where he figured I had the time to cheat with a schedule like that. I never knew when he would be home so many times he would just arrive with no notice at home, to find me and the kids home alone of course.

    I even took a lie detector test last year and he is convinced that I either cheated my way through that as well or the results were faked because the person administering the test didn’t like him. He is completely paranoid because he has a history of being let down through being in foster care and being cheated on by former girlfriends. It’s getting old and I don’t know how much longer I can put up with it.

  114. I been with my husband for 13 years just got married last month. He always accused me of cheating. I cannot look at t man, talk to man because in his eyes it is cheating. We have 4 children together. I love him but he is so obsessed that i cheating. this last argument was so dumb.. I transfer to another city in January for job. The team lead transfer 8 months after me and he text me a message about helping him het something. My team lead has never text and just recevied my number when he got to the new city. I did not erase it or hid it from him because i did not feel the need too. He took that to a extreme to like i know something going on at work and he transfer down to see me. I never cheated on him at all in this relationship. He talking about divorce.We been married for a month now. I love him and i am hurt because he really think i would do something like that. I told my team lead and he wanted to talk to him. I do not know what to do. He is very insecure and has anger and pride issues as well.

  115. My Partner accused me of cheating on the night of our engagement, he went of at me and now he reckons he acted like any man would, he told me to get out so I left and now he says because I have done this to him I tried to fight to defend myself but he said it made me look like a liar. I was with my sister and he knew were I was all along. I just wondering how most people react I this situation did I do something wrong but getting defensive and trying to tell him.

  116. Sorry, is there a light at the end of this tunnel or this a toxic relationship? i do not know how much more i can prove to this man that i am not having an affair. Day in day out I tell him I love him.

  117. We have been married 8 1/2 yrs. 7 years ago i had an emotional affair with a male co-worker, not sexual in any way shape or form. My husband forgave me i since has not forgotten. I have tried to so hard to do right by him. i am a Supervisor for a State Agency and each and every time i have stay late, i am being accused of sleeping with someone there in the office, i am texted so many times being called so many names. I am so tired, after being call these types of names for the last 7 years it is apparent he did not forget. Everytime we argue his “thing” is to say “if you cant listen to what i tell you do here, your probably not listening and still f****** another man, once a w**** always a w*****> i really am tired of trying to prove that i am not cheating but i always end up being called a b****. I lost all my friends because he is controlling to where i cannot go to a friends house to visit because I’m cheating. He has a fantastic good pay but he works out of town more than 1/2 the years. I am so tired.

    1. Cheating is cheating regardless how people want to call it. It doesn’t have to be necessarly physical and sexual. If you really love your husband, may I suggest that both of you go together for counseling if you really want to save your marriage.

  118. I get accused cheating with no proof n he is so insecure-jealous man and I don’t cheat cause I know it hurts. And I told him u cheat on me u are history gone bye bye. All he does is looks at other women it gets me mad.

  119. I’ve been dating this guy for 9 months and he accuses me of cheating all the time. His last girlfriend cheated on him and it seems like I’m paying for her mistakes. He gets very jealous and paranoid every time I mention one of my guy coworkers, especially if I tell him that I’ve talked to them about random things. Then the interrogation starts. Question after question comes pouring out of his mouth and I hold back because I’m afraid of what he might think even when it’s totally innocent. It’s my fault that he asks me so much so I feel guilty for not telling him the whole story right away. Recently, a new coworker joined our crew that happened to be a guy and I tried to be friendly toward him and welcome him to our workplace but then he started talking to me a lot that day, asked me tons of questions, and even got in my bubble. I, like a lot of these girls here, don’t like confrontation so i tried to scoot away from him instead of piping up and saying something. I stayed busy with my work and went to the back room to wash my animal supplies when he said, “wait up!”. Of course I didn’t wait for him, I went about my business and shut the door to the room. Earlier I made a comment about the ferret at work that I was planning on taking home because I had nursed it back to health for 2 months and he told me he was going to buy it first and I said You’ll have to brawl me for it because I’m not going to give him up, which is why he probably followed me. Nothing happened in that room but it sounded really shady to my boyfriend. (Which is understandable because it does sound shady when you think about it) I was in the wrong place at the wrong time being the person that I am that doesn’t like confrontation. I should’ve told him too back off but should I be interrogated constantly and be made to feel like a cheater??? It really bugs the fire out of me because I’ve told him every detail about our encounter but he continues to mock me and accuse me of cheating on him. What should I do? I feel embarrassed because I feel like I’ve done wrong but at the same time I’ve met my threshold of guilt because I never cheated on him. HELP!!!!

  120. I have been married for almost 14 years. I have a career and here lately I have had to work many hours and it is very stressful. My husband drinks on the porch every Friday. Lately it has become worse and now he is accusing me of not being at work when all he has to do is pick up the phone and call me on the work phone to see. His ex messed around on him. I probably am making myself less available but I love my job and it is the main part of our income. I am in no way messing around. Now when he drinks he says nasty things to me and calls me names along with the accusations. I am not in a financial spot to leave with joint debt. What is the best way to mend this relationship?

  121. I have been married for 11 years and It is about over. I keep thinking my wife is cheating on me. She says sthat she is not but her actions speak otherwise. She delivers papers and sometimes she will do her hair and put on makeup to just go deliver papers. She also flirts with almost every guys she talks to. She will even do it in front me. She thinks it is okay ebcause she ahs always been like this. 8 of the 11 years she has not wanted anything to do with me but she will flirt with other guys. This has been going on for 8 years. I love my wife and family but I cant talke it anymore. She says that she will leave if I keep accusing her of cheating. I know I got problems of my own to fix but she wount realize that she has issues as well. WHAT SHOULD I DO.

    1. Both of you need to know as you just said, sort out the problems that both of you have individually before you actually come together and solve the problems that are actually taking place as you described before. May I recommend you that instead of accusing your wife of something, address the issue as any other in a calm manner. Being upset while trying to sort out things never works.

  122. I’m not sure what to make of my relationship!!! when we first started see each other we lived 4 hours away. we talked on the phone all the time as well as social network sites. I told her I was at the stage of settling down and was looking to find the right person. Though I wasn’t intimate with no one; the first time she came to visit, she saw texts between another girl and myself which I was inviting at my house to hang-out with some friends as well… She got really mad calling me all the names you can possibly imagine though we was only see each other at that point… However I tricked her one day by asking her to names people that she think likes her. She mentioned two other names and myself… She said those people was interested in her but she don’t like them and won’t just have sex with people she don’t have feelings for. A year and the half into our almost four years relationship I found out that she was having sex with those people plus more. The worse of all the morning she texted me to make our relationship official, she had slept over at one of the man she mentioned house but claimed they did stuff but didn’t have sex. Don’t even know why I asked??? Then I realised it was round the same time she saw the text from me inviting a friend to my house to hang-out with other friends. I thought it was very hypocritical of her to insult and called me names for texting someone while she was doing worse!! She can be very manipulative as she tried to use minor mistakes from my part against me to even things out… Always talking about how I hurt her feelings and it will be even harder for her to trust me as she was cheated on in her last relationship which I’m aware of… I don’t understand how I hurts her feelings. If anyone should have a trust issues I think its should be me. Around the same time I learned she lied about seeing other people, her ex-boyfriend exposed her for sleeping with her sister boyfriend while they were having problems and their affair lasted for six months. He thought she cheated on him but they figure out it was right after they break-up. Nevertheless the secret came out one and the half years into our relationship. I stood by her, help her build a better relationship with her sister even though she wanted to never talk to her sister again because she couldn’t stand the humiliation. I also help her fix her relationship with her Dad who didn’t speak to her for years. Our relationship been off-and-on in the past years due to her been paranoid, insecure and also accusing me of not showing her emotion, passion and affections. I Do Love Her. I imagine us working hard building something great for our children. one thing I like about her is that she’s very hard working but I find her possessive and controlling at time. Am I stupid for thinking we can still have a bright future???? We have broken up too many time. Once, after we broke-up, she hacked into my facebook and email to find out what I was up to. She found out that I’ve registered on this dating site and was talking to people. She told all my friends and some of her family members I was cheating on her that’s while we broke-up but never told her family about all the things she did from the start. We broke-up again last summer and a customer give me their number a day after while at work. We talk for a bit and went on a date… However, my girlfriend and I got back together but only to find out she was sleeping with the same person she lied about at the beginning of our relationship. Whom she said she didn’t like but later told me she sleep with. I think she like this dude but he don’t feel the same about her but don’t mind sleeping with her. She once said how he was tall, with lean body, big muscles and good looking like a celebrity… But yet maintain she doesn’t like him???? last week she was very emotional as she had a bad day at work and begin to reflex on our relationship which lead her to think I have hurts her too many time. I tried to comfort her but at the same time told her the only reason I walked-out on her was because she wasn’t understanding and very controlling and possessive which she didn’t like. We haven’t spoken a single word to each other for two days…… WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK??????

  123. Bravo for having maintained this thread, helping everyone out!

    I am a 40-year old woman, never married with no children. I met a man a year ago who is 47, also unmarried with no children. He lives/lived in seclusion and we had a long distance relationship until he agreed I should move to the closest town he is near. I believed this is the man I’ll marry, so I did. He was thrilled I made such a life change and looked forward to us starting our lives together.

    Recently since being with him physically all the time, I noticed an unsettling change in him about a month ago. He began snapping at me for silly things, shutting down from me, and when I questioned a sudden spike of friends added to his Facebook, he went nuts, telling me I’m checking up on him. It made no sense as he is most of the time very loving.

    He works from home, and while I’m out at my job, he viciously accuses me of cheating. I’m not. However, the sudden weird change in him made me do what I never thought I’d do–I began to snoop. I found him on sex sites, adult-friend sites, and even saw messages he responded to on Craigslist looking for a local playmate. All of this fit the timeline of his strange change in behaviour. His reason? He was home alone and bored–when he should be WORKING, just like me!

    I confronted him, and I had never felt so badly for a man in my life. He cried, apologized, admitted how bad of a decision he made. We worked on this for four days straight, me taking time off work so we could get to the bottom of it. You can bet I was heartbroken. :..( The reality is he has been cheated on by every woman he’s been with, so he felt that I don’t think he’s good enough (even though I constantly praise and love him!) — it’s just some things a woman does will never be enough. I always considered myself a catch, I’m nice to him, his family, I am supportive of everything he does, I’m a good cook, been told I’m good in bed, and I’m still fiercely attracted to him — I figured these would be great reasons for him to hold on to me for dear life. Instead he was throwing me away and I don’t know why.

    Since we spoke about it, he deleted the profiles he had on sites I saw, deleted the extra FB friends (all female) that he knew would cause trouble, and promised never to do this again. I am doing my best to sort through it and giving him another chance as I don’t know how I’d feel if we didn’t try.

    The problem now is, for work he does, he has to be back in seclusion living with two elderly relatives in the middle of nowhere (yet wifi is out there) and won’t be back to ‘our’ home for two months. We chat and FaceTime when we can. Almost instantly he has resorted to his old self of doubting me, being in bad moods, questioning what I’m doing, and ultimately, on my case about whether or not I’m cheating. This was all the same behaviour he had before when he was cheating on me online, but I have to make the decision to give him a break. Before he left he told me he would never do it again, and it wasn’t worth risking our relationship over. But it chews me up that he’s being such a brood to me, making me feel awful, when it’s HIM that did the cheating, and I never have! I told him we will work on this, but each time he says he’ll try and change, it lasts about three days then he’s back to being unreasonable.

    It’s been one year together and I’m madly in love with him and want this to work, but he is exhausting my ability to keep at it. I feel sick that I uprooted my life to be in this town, away from friends, away from family, and basically devoting my life to make him happy. I feel he threw it away and is doing a bang-up job at trying to make me leave. Each time I ask, he convincingly tells me he doesn’t, and that he wants to marry me.

    I know I’m a good woman, and aside from his jealousy and the mistake he made, he is a good man. Why would a man do this, and what can we do to get through this?

    1. This sounds like my last relationship. We broke up and he wanted to be friends, but it seemed insincere and unbalanced. He his from me that he had started a new relationship… and with snopping I found out he was a swinger.

      I’m your age and feel he totally wasted my time. He simply didn’t share my values but was keeping me around out of… a need to be desired? Insecurity? I don’t know. There was no real communication and I feel there was an element of sexism addiction (I’m getting that feeling about your situation too). I’ve already agreed a lot if time on broken men. I think I deserve a good relationship not a lifetime of playing psychiatrist/social worker Don’t you feel you deserve the same?

  124. I am a 32 year old male and I’ve been seeing this female who I will call “Amy” we started dating in May. For a few weeks everything has been going well. But out of no where she has constantly accused me of cheating with other women. I have not done anything she has accused me off. She would used to make time to come see me and now its to the point where I have to beg to see her. Yesterday she promised she would come and see me and spend time with me. And she’d text me after she as able to go tanning. Well I waited all day never heard from her. Finally I texted her and asked her about not seeing me that didn’t go over well at all. I finally lost my cool and told her how bogus it was she blew me off all day when she promised she’d see me. Her response to my frustration was “stop it before I shut my phone off” she has been a total complete bitch to me since then and shows no remorse for her actions at all. and Says I am the one who is crazy and then comes back with the how I’m cheating on her with other females bullshit. I don’t know what else to do. Im deeply hurt and upset by all of this.

    1. How long you been dating this person??? Don’t forget you two are only dating and some people see dating as open relationship or just getting to know the other person. Maybe she find someone else and just looking for ways to end things with you. hope you sorted with her by now. If not request to take her out on a date then use that as an opportunity to speak with her properly. If that don’t work, move on pal.

  125. My husband is accusing me of cheating unrightfully and I am really getting to the point where I can’t take it anymore! He and I were walking on the street one day and there was this man bending over to fix his car or something- I didn’t pay much attention- and he then starts asking me why I was staring at him, because his back was bare. He said he saw me stare at him 3 times and honestly I found it disgusting. I sometimes focus on stuff when I’m tired and someone’s speaking to me, I am innocent and never felt attracted of thought about any other man since I’ve been with him or even before that. He doesn’t allow me to see a male gynecologist, because he thinks it’s cheating. I said fine, I will only see women obgyn, but not because it means cheating, but because I know it would hurt him. And now he still accuses me of cheating in the future so basically he asked me to leave the house because he thinks in the future I will cheat on him. He called me names, calls me a b***h and trash and that I am like women he saw on Maury and that I can’t be trusted! The funny part is that he broke up with his ex to be with me and he accused her of cheating so he could break things with her easily, even though he said he was 80% sure she was cheating. Now I don’t believe she was cheating but I think he’s using the same tactics as he used on her to break things off. And I told him about it and said he loves me, but he thinks that I would cheat in the future, which makes my blood boil. All I ever think about is him, I went through many obstacles to be with him and sacrificed time with my son for him and this is how he repays me! I don’t know if he’s ever going to change… 🙁

  126. I need some help here. I cheated on my girlfriend in the past and now that I’m not she still thinks I am. She already has a spy tracker on my phone , she checks all my emails, and social sites, she has all my passwords to everything and I let her look at my phone whenever she wants. What are some other ways I can prove I’m not? I really don’t want to lose her and that’s where it’s headed.

  127. Hi, you can call me Angel. I’ve been free of an abusive relationship on and off of three years. I have a few questions about my ex. When we were dating he would tell me how beautiful I was(even though I’m over weight) and said how I was the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. But then another minute he’d say that I wasn’t the right woman for him. I constantly got accused of being flirtatious with guys. I’m nothing like that! I always proved my loyalty to him. Never kissed anyone but my ex and only had sex with my ex, and yet he would accuse me of cheating on him constantly over the past three years. So my questions are: 1. Is it a 95% chance that he was cheating on me and having sex with another or women while dating me? And 2. Is it possible that because he knows how beautiful I am(even though I have a really hard time seeing myself as beautiful) that he accused me of flirting to keep me isolated from guys because he was afraid of losing me to another guy or something? Where I’m at now is I have absolutely no desire to let this smug bastard ever use me for sex again. But u just need answers of what was possibly going through his mind when he was doing all of this to me explained above and 1,000 times worse. I mean am I a fool for loving him and actually thinking that he loved me at all?! The way I’m feeling right now, I don’t ever want to be in a relationship again! Some men are bastards! And it’s rare to find one that isn’t going to use you for sex, control, and pleasure! What else do I need to do to heal from being abused?! I’m so ashamed I allowed myself to go trough this for as long as I did!

  128. I have been with my wife now for 3 yrs july 16. On june 16 this year she told me she wanted a divorce. I was devastated I love her with all my heart and want nothing more then to grow old with her. She says I cheated right after we married but I didnt and would never dream of it. I have only eyes for her. Even being seperated now I only dream of her. She started out telling me it was all because she found a picture of an ex. Now she is saying I cheated I did not and even told her I would take a polygraph test to prove it. Everytime I try to talk to her she tells me she is not receptive. Please help me I want my marriage back.

  129. I need help, I have been with my fiance for 6 years now. He accuses me of cheating all the time, if I am work with co-workers, if I am home the neighbors, if I go to the grocery store it the security guard. It’s everyone! I am so tired of this situation I am getting ready to get out. I have 3 children of my own, he has a son as well and now we have our 2yr old together. We both had previous marriages I divorced and was single for 6 years before I gave love another chance. He was with his ex on and off for 15 years, they divorced because she cheated but so did he. I am nothing like his ex, he has full access to everything. When I met him hi ex wouldn’t allow him to see his son so I helped him and filed all the docs at court. I got him joint legal custody, visitation, Holiday time and vacation time with his son. I don’t have a FB no social media at all. I call him all day from work, he has been to a company event, he picks me up from work, I call him at lunch, I go to the store I call him. When the accusations first started I figured hey maybe if I call him and let him hear and see that there is nothing to worry about he will stop and trust me. I honestly don’t know what else to do anymore, I have talked, yelled and cried and nothing seems to work. All he says “if you don’t like the way I am then don’t be with me”. I keep saying he will change but I honestly don’t see it happening, the last thing I ever wanted was another failed relationship.

  130. I love this guy with no doubts and I showed it to him and all. But he jus accusing me that I am cheating and I’m liar when I am not. It’s nt the first and I prove myself to him and all but don’t knw wats the matter if its because he is stress s stress. When he as no money and can’t give me as he likes he gets all moody saying I should go find a better man who can give me money and stuffs but I’m not all for material things and money I’m all because I love and want the with him. I showed that to him but at this time it is ok then a next it is like this.wat should I do or where I’m going wrong

  131. Hey what if ur in a relationship and all u donors get accuse of noting ur doing as he said, he accuses u of aging a next man look on ur FB profile of ur pass and not turning up on time even thou u explain why I late. I understand he is stress but my god I am doing my all for the relationship and still Get accusations. U think I should deactivate my account on FB and tell him?

  132. Hello, I am in need of some advice and some help. I am frustrated, sad, depressed, and in emotional and physical pain right now. I have been with my fiance for 8 years now, we have a beautiful 2 year old daughter and live 500 miles away from my family. His family lives in the same city. Our relationship has always been rocky and from the beginning I knew I should of walked away, but I couldn’t, I loved him so much and didn’t want to leave him because I felt like he needed me. At first when I met him, he was practically homeless, he worked but all the money he got went to his rent and not even food. When I met him, I instantly fell for him, I helped him out of the abyss he was in and even would admit it sometimes. We moved in to an apartment (on my dime, he wasn’t working anymore) after leaving the place I was living at, we both became homeless and I worked hard to get us out of the situation and helped him get a job. We moved to an apartment together and the fights started, he pushed me several times and would literally look psychotic. Then the fights continued and we moved in with a close friend of his brother’s. The fights continued and he would accuse me of kicking him while he was asleep, of course I never touched him and he twisted my arm. I stupidly stayed with him. The fights continued and we ended up moving again but this time to his sister’s house. The fights got worse and I became depressed and he became distant. I pretty much begged God for help and guidance and I was always the one who apologized first and started the civilized conversation after a major argument, but he never did. In my isolation, since all my friends left me because of him and my family was so far away, I started chatting with an old ex boyfriend about my situation. He was comforting and made me feel like a person again. I ended up cheating on my fiance with him and as soon as it happened I called him crying hysterically and shaking and apologizing for what I had done to him. He forgave me, but started doubting my every move (very normal behavior under the circumstances) A couple of years went by, and he continued to accuse me with everyone I met or worked with. He would use fowl language to insult me (whore, or puta in spanish or zorra, and would talk about my intimates and how they “changed) then i stupidly got pregnant. One night we got into an argument because he was doubting that the baby was even his and started insulting me again. That was the last of it for me, I threw whatever I could get my hands on and almost hit him, of course he threw things back. I unfortunately did not have a car so I asked him to please drop me off at a hotel so that I could be alone and he would accuse me of trying to see my lovers from work there. I was done with this, what’s worse I was pregnant and the fights were the same magnitude as they were when I wasn’t. That same night he dropped me off at the hotel and followed me to the receptionist where he continued to insult me. I went into my room and cried for hours. I called him and asked to talk to him in a civilized manner, after all, we were having a child together. He calmed down, finally apologized to me and our un-borne child. Moving forward, my child was born in February and because he had a falling out with his sister she kicked us out and we were left in the street with a 4 day old child. I was devastated and pissed of at him because he quit his job while I was 1 month pregnant and I had to work for all 3 of us. I forgot to mention that he worked with me and would spy on me all the time. He was paranoid and would ask me who I was cheating with. Of course I never did after the first incident. An occasion presented itself in Houston while visiting the company’s headquarters, but I remembered how awful the first incident made him and me feel, so I decided not to go down the road and never have since. I was honest with him again and this time he took the news a lot better than before. Couple of years later, I am still being accused of cheating on him with all my ex-coworkers, I have not worked for the company for 2 years and have no contact with them at all, they are on my fb but I don’t talk to them. He still accuses me and calls me names and insults me every time we fight. Last night was the last of it for me. Fortunately our daughter was asleep in her bed when this incident occurred. I asked him so meting incredibly simple, I was feeling frustrated because he hasn’t paid my phone for several weeks now and my car has been broken down for several months now. I don’t have a job since we agreed I would stay home to raise our child but have been looking for work at night and have been helping him with his side job, but he decides to yell and insult me and call me names and humiliates me and it got out of hand because this time I insulted and mocked back. I was so tired of the fallacies that came out of his mouth and of all his misinterpretations of what I would say. I feel like he distorts what I say and how I act. If a man looks at me, he goes crazy on me and now, last night, I was so fed up of all his psycho paranoia babble and his insults, I finally slapped him. Being trained in martial arts he has told me he could hit without leaving bruises so when I slapped him, he blocked me, grabbed my arms to the point of leaving marks and hurting them and the threw me on the floor, of course hurting my back and neck. I of course broke up with him but don’t know what to do now since I am penniless, and have nowhere to go. I am afraid to call my mom and family since knowing our patterns we may end up making up again for the sake of our child, I am considering couples counseling, but not sure if we are too far gone to even try it. I don’t know what to do anymore, I am tired of being accused of something I haven’t done because of one mistake I made over 4 years ago. Any advice would be greatly appreciated, do you think I should stay and go to couples counseling? or simply walk away? Also, he is threatening me to take me to court because of our child and will send the police after me if I even try taking her with me to see my family, can he really do that? He threatened that he was going to get good help for court, I’m scared he’s going to try to take her away from me. I can’t lose her, she is my world and life and she is a lot more attached to me.

  133. I moved across the country to be with my boyfriend of four years. He didn’t get crazy with the accusations until my boss hired a male. The accusations were immediate but it died down a little. Then yesterday my manager called me from work on professional terms and my bf said my tone of voice to the guy was too friendly and colloquial and deduced that there must indeed be something going on between me and him. He said that because sometimes I would have to go to work when my manager was the only one there that that was me cheating too. He wants me to leave, but he’s my whole world. What am I meant to do? I suggested counseling. He laughed. Please, I need to fix this. I love him more than anything. I left behind everyone and everything I ever knew to be out here with him (something I’ve been telling him) He just puts up a wall when I talk to him about it, ignores me. It hurts so badly. I feel like I’ve been put on death row for robbing a bank when I wasn’t even at the bank to begin with. I can’t control the anxiety attacks I’m having. This is pure, raw Hell! I just want things to get better. How do I make it work?

  134. Yes ive been accused and he even said that i am the one who told him i had sex with someone which was so crazy and out of touch with realit. .he really believes this happen ….its doesn’t matter how much i tell the truth,he still accuses and torchers me about this lie…ive never seen anthing like this…im beginnin to be concern that something is really wrong in his mind…i feel like ive lost my best friend….all for nothing at all.:-(

  135. So I’m dating this guy that is 26years old for bout 5months now I’m 18weeks prego and in the beginning of our relationshiphe’s hes never really accuse me of cheating but lately he’s been accusing me of cheating like everyday now idk what 2do I never gave him a reason to think that bout me I let him hold and answer my phone he works every day. He has a lock on his phone I can’t hold or even touch it could he be playing me???

  136. I have been married 5 years and for the last 2 my wife has been accusing me of cheating. I never cheated on her or even thought of such a thing. I would talk to her about this but she continues to accuse me. The more she accused me the less interested in sex I became. She would complain we weren’t having sex so I must be cheating. When she didn’t accuse me we would have sex but then she would start in again.She would come to the fire Department where I worked at 1:00am and sneak in and stand over my bed. She even fallowed female firefighters home after we had fire training. I had the fire Chief bring me in his office because of this. I kissed her and held her and told her I love her But, I got to the point I just didn’t want sex anymore. Now she’s divorcing me and I wish I knew what I could have done to prevent this.

    1. Michele,
      Being alone isn’t always a bad thing; it can be nurturing and settling. Not everyone wants to be with someone at all times. However, a person who likes to be alone can cheat as much as a person who likes to be with people.
      Sometimes cheating is a way to avoid having real intimacy. In other words, the person cheats to keep themselves separate and alone.
      Or the person who likes to be alone may be accused of cheating by a partner who views relationships as having to be together at all times. They see the need for alone time as a rejection and can only imagine the other must be cheating and being with someone else.
      Hope that helps.

  137. Hi,
    I have been with my fiancée for 5 years and during this time I have been accused of cheating almost daily. I have never cheated on him and never would. I love him beyond words. However, he had a relationship online with a girl abroad and was in touch with his exes until a year ago. I admit I had a lot of guy mates but we didn’t ever go there and they all knew about my fiancée I have since cut all ties with my friends and only see him. I feel so alone and isolated as though my every move is being watched. He has my passwords but I can’t have his nor can I touch his phone. We are getting married next year. Please help

    1. Nadz,
      You might want to read up on controlling relationships before you decide to get married. Isolating someone is a major step unhealthy partners take in the quest to control another person. As is having to know everything about you, but not letting you know anything about him.
      Qualities like kindness and respect are essential for a healthy relationship. You have to ask if you really have those things and if they can (or will) be developed. You BOTH need to want to develop them.
      Check the national domestic violence hotline ( and look under “is this abuse” as a start.

  138. I am in the same accusing stage. my ex and i are still friends and my present bf accuse me of still wanting to be with my ex. every guy i talk with i am having a relationship with them, its been almost 2 years and i can count on 1 hand the days that i am not accuse of cheating i dont know what to do anymore

  139. My husband and I been married for 4 years now. When we were married for 3 months he’s been meeting up with a few girls to buy some items. I was stressed out and I went to my parents place for awhile cause I was mad, when I got back he was talking to more girls on his myspace and ever since then he’s been accusing me of cheating. A few months had pass and he was on myspace again talking to girls. I never told him anything but it did bothered me. One year and a half later he stopped talking to girls. Now its been 4 years and still get accused of cheating even though I never cheated from the start. I was talking about divorcing him but he thinks I’m doing it cause he says there is a guy waiting that’s why.. but all these years I’ve been convincing him I’m not and prove myself.. he once told me his ex wife cheated on him and since then he never trusted a women specially me. I don’t know what to do. We recently have a 3 month old baby..

  140. 1) at work a co worker came up asked where to get some food & I was trying to be a good person 2) because I got furniture from a neighbor upstairs, 3) he said I was checking someone out I told him I thought the person looked funny & thats it.. 4) the facebook situation & messages. I was not expecting the person to ask if I was single & because I was just adding people just to add them. 5) about the fathers of my children I dont speak with them but he thinks I still have feelings for them which I dont 6) we seperated for awhile & so I wanted to get advice from a old guy friend & i only spoke with him once but than he text me whats up mija at first I didnt recognize the number… it created alot of tension between us I explained to him I dont know why he would do that because I only spoke with him once about us… 7) laughing at the customer so he thought I was flirting… I love my man very much I truly prays he see’s that I could never do such a thing. I explained to him about each situation but he also done some wrong but I do not judge on it because I truly love him with all my heart… I really hope God touches his heart & shows he can trust me… right now we have seperated… I never wanted or intended for him to feel like he couldnt trust me…

  141. I have been in a relationship for 2 and a half years. For two of those years nearly every day I get accused of being unfaithful. I moved 3 hours away to a town where I know nobody for my partner. After all this time I still don’t know anyone that isn’t a friend or family member of my girlfriend. In addition to that I rarely talk to my friends or family and even more rarely get to see them. I got a job and ended up quitting mainly bc I was sick of being accused of liking someone I work with.. nobody in particular just any random person o worked with. So my girlfriend got me a job working with her and we constantly fight at work and at home. I can’t even have a day off without her accusing ke of being on a dating website or cheating online. I have never been unfaithful in any way or thought about it. Yet any time spent apart it causes a fight bc she thinks I am cheating. I am at my wits end, I cannot take anymore accusations, screaming and having things thrown at me. I think the right thing to do is leave but she always talks me out of it bc she says I’m just giving up and that we are meant to be together and we just have to work at it. I feel that I have exhausted every effort to try to save the relationship and she feels that I’m not trying at all and that I’m unfaithful and a liar. I am so confused… I want to leave I think it is for the best but she always convinces me to stay only to keep accusing me of lying and cheating when I have NEVER done anything that could even be considered even flirting with anyone… Help!

    1. Hi BrookeH, I have been in the same situation and thought things would get better, but in fact they haven’t. I always thought he was going to change and stop accusing me, but he only got worse. I should of walked away but it’s too late for me because we have a 2 year old daughter so we will be going to see a couple’s therapist. He is also going to see a therapist, that will help him with his insecurities. Unfortunately things don’t get better but worse unless the person is willing to admit they have a problem and look for help. If they are not willing to do so, then you have tried your best and you can walk away from them. You changed your life for her and are trying your best to get help for your relationship, I think asking them to either read this blog or go see a therapist shouldn’t be such a big deal.

      Just some friendly advice, I speak from experience, I am in an abusive relationship and if I could of walked away from my then boyfriend I would have. Now we are a family and are looking for ways to better ourselves for our child.

      Stay strong.

  142. My boyfriend and I live together for almost 3years and has always has accused me of txt or cheating with another guy for awhile. Well curiosity got the best of me because he gets upset when I touch his phone so on Sunday he was using the lawn mower and I checked his wallet and to my surprise I found two little cut out papers one with and Email and one with a phone number.

    So I called the number and nobody answer but on Monday someone txt me and said “hi” so I replied back and said “who is this” they replied “don’t you know me anymore from affairalert” so I asked what’s your name and they replied “Linda”…
    I haven’t said anything to him about it but I feel betrayed I feel upset he would do this to me because one time I caught him looking at what to me appeared to be another women’s picture on his phone and he denied it and said I was making it up.
    He feels that something is wrong with me and all I say is I feel sick that’s all.
    So I’m planning to ask him for his phone bill and if I find that girls number on there not till them will I tell him and show him what I found and also ask him for his username and password to that website.

    I went on the website and his a SEX website cheating married people….I just fell so Stupid after everything I have put up with.

  143. A few years ago I was under the impression that my husband of only a few years at the time, cheated on me. I was working long hours and was under tremendous stress for the three years I had a feeling he was cheating. Many nights I’d be on my way home and greed be at a bar or restaurant because he could not stand to be alone at the house. Though most of the time I made sure they was good, he’d make sure to be out to eat for hours before I came home. At first I thought nothing of it but know I think back and tender some of the clues tdt at the time I either could not understand or want to believe. He was a charmer, but I did not realize this until he began during with women in front of me.when I asked him why our notes about it he always denied it or played it off like he did not know how to flirt. Then they was a time we went food shopping, as we posed the isle of condoms he asked of we should get some and start using them. I was disturbed by this comment and still am but he denies ever saying that. And then of course that’s his face book friend who he flirted with late at night online (he has many women friends from even before we starte dating and a porn addiction). I found nothing Sexual being said but by the time I confronted him about it I already had my suspicions off his infidelity. When I asked him straight forward of he ever cheated be said with a straight face, no then asked why. After the conversation I saw a reply from the girl to a message that was obviously deleted that said “..I didn’t know she was like that.” But this was not the first time he spoke negatively about me. The killer was that after I asked he not speak to her again, we see her at a mutual friends house and they awkwardly ignored each other(as of he told her he couldn’t talk to her). He currently is still friends with her.on facebook but all I can see now are his likes on her posts. Our mutual friend is also a women and has told me he talks to her about us. When we spoke about My feeling that this girl and him may have had relations, she said well I know that this girl goes after married guys. Then in the same sentence, she told me that she knows he loves me. The sad part is I can’t trust this girl either, she’s a true drama queen.

    The end of this story goes like this…at the end of last year we finally had a fading out. We were at a party and he began to completely ignore me.he left me alone for over an hour agile he and his friends were busy setting up for a performance (mind you he is not in the band and was not very close with these guys). He sounds up leaving me alone on the side stage for an hour. After the show we went to the after party and though we were both drinking I remember a girl friend of mine saying during conversation that soothing Terry said about me was very disrespectful. Not long after that we left and broke air into an ask our screaming match on public on our way out the door. As we made it to the car I insisted he acknowledge his actions and screamed hiw his bullshit made me want to devorce him. He basically agreed as he walked himself to the car and told me to do as I pleasedwhike he sober up in the comfort of his car Alone. As I began to walk away and calm down I couldn’t believe his sheer disregard of me in my drunken state and this upset me even more. I approachedted him yet again yelling “are you seriously going to let me find my own way home now, do you really not care” he ignored me again and I began to scream, then with a clenched fist he punched me in the jaw. Than and only the did he ever truly apologize for himself. As I got over the initial shock of what happened I began to cry and pull away. Later that evening (after I drive us home so he would get a dwi) I Todd him I thought we should separate for awhile. He became very upset and said if I leave he didn’t believe I’d ever come back. I decided to stay under the preface of a six month period that if I didn’t see a change I would leave. It’s been six months now and things have been going good. But I still can’t seem to trust him. I can’t let get over the feeling that it’s only a matter of time before I become vested again in the relationship and this will happen again.
    What are your thoughts, I’m I crazy for staying because I love him?

  144. I was with my bf for almost 8 yrs. im 24 hes 26 hes honestly a fkn deadbeat! why i stuck around? love is really blind thats why! we have a son hes 3 now. youd think that be enough time to get it together right. Well aperantly not. I support my self and my son. while this guy lives at home with hes parents. I just really wanted it to work so bad ive stuck around so dam long. Tried to help him out so much. All he does is put me down. The last 2 years now evry single fn day i must get accused of cheating or trying to cheat. Things have gotten ridic! is it my ex boss my ex boyfriend a coworker an excoworker a friend of hes or even hes family? why are you getting home from work 20min late or early? why are you acting funny? why dont you want to have sex? why didnt you go to work? or did you really go to work or did you go f someone? hearing that every single day is draining. its a complete waist of time. most of the time things are good. good to me means hes not asking me for money and hes actually paying attention to us and hes working. maybe just a lil step closer to moving in. SIKE! its never going to happen if this is happening to you get out now! things between us have not gotten physical and just so much more verlbally abusive. hes making me crazy. Im done with this! so done! it doesnt matter what you say whether is the truth or not. They just dont believe. they need serious HELP!…….Movie on!

  145. My marriage of 5 months to the love of my life is suddenly falling apart. We met 38 yrs ago (I was 25; he was 31), when he arrived in California from Chile and we had a relationship that lasted off and on for 11 years. Our lives took different directions but we never forgot each other. In late 2008, I found his number in Illinois, called and found that he too had been divorced at almost the exact time I had, lived alone (though with occasional relationships) like I had, and still felt the same way about me as I did him. He told me that he had felt guilty all those years for losing what we had and that he had never truly been in love except with me.

    In December 2012, he flew to California and we saw each other again for the first time in over 20 years. It was like we had never been apart and it was wonderful. I had been in a declining sporadic relationship for a while, but after reconnecting with my old love, I told the guy I’d been seeing what had happened and that I wanted to see where this new relationship would go. The old boyfriend and I parted as good friends in mid-January 2013 and I saw him briefly once more in March when he came to plant a tree for me (he didn’t even come in the house). Since then I’ve not seen him at all.

    We became engaged in Feb. 2013 and he flew back and forth to see me almost every month. In April a year ago, he accused me of sneaking around while he was in Illinois and that he had proof. I was NOT cheating. To my eternal regret, I did try to hide the fact that the ex-boyfriend had been there to plant the tree, and it came out. At that point, he said that he couldn’t trust me, that I lied, that he couldn’t believe anything I said. It was absolute hell. Ever since, I have done everything possible to demonstrate that he can trust me. Things gradually smoothed over. I’ve gone overboard with caution: I always ask him to go with me when I run errands, have a doctor or dentist appointment, even when I go to the beauty shop.

    We married on Oct. 27. It was the culmination of years of wanting to be together and until last Monday, it’s been good. He is retired and has willingly, voluntarily and without my asking been doing everything around the house, the yard and taking care of my two dogs (he adores them). He’s said that’s how he wanted to help and feel useful, so that when I get home from work I don’t have to do a thing. He’s been an angel–taking care of me, utterly loving, tender, sexy, funny, responsible, cheerful, talkative. There was so much joy and laughter. Then Monday happened…

    When I came home for lunch, I mentioned I needed to go to the bank and asked if he wanted to come with me. He said no, that would be silly because it’s close to my work so I should just go and do it myself. I returned to the office and parked in the first spot in the first row by the building, under a big tree with the windshield shades up because it was so hot. I worked till 5:16 and decided not to run the errand, as traffic is bad at that hour and I wanted to get home. When I arrived at 5:30, he asked if I’d been to the bank and I told him no and why; he smirked and said he knew I would say that and that a warning bell on his “antenna” was telling him that I was lying. He had driven to my office before 5:00 to surprise me and go to the bank with me, looked for my car, didn’t see it (I don’t know how he could have missed it, but he did), waited a few minutes and left for home before I came out of the building. I explained all this, told him exactly what I’d been doing, asked if he’d like to confirm it with the person I’d been working with and he said no. I was so outraged and hurt at the accusation that I became quite angry and told him he was absolutely wrong. I also said he was so insecure (which is true; he often asks me what I see in him) that he looks for rejection and betrayal where it doesn’t exist (a remnant from his previous experiences in two marriages, both as cheater and cheated upon). I started to cry from anger and frustration, which he interpreted as the manipulative tears of a little kid who’s been caught red-handed.

    We barely spoke for two days and the coldness from him was numbing. He won’t look at me, responds in monosyllables and is sleeping in a different room. I’m a very quiet person by nature and conflict drives me even further into my shell, which makes him think I’m hiding something. He had always said that we would be able to get through anything if we held on to each other’s hands (literally or figuratively); I asked him if we were still holding hands and he said no because “you lied to me.” He says he has proof but won’t tell me what it is because I’m just trying to figure out his techniques so I can get around them. I showed him a printout from my work computer that says exactly when I logged off (5:16 pm); he said he didn’t care. I told him he could check my phone and my email if he wanted; he said no. I reassured him that my conscience is absolutely clear, that I have nothing to hide, that I love him and no one but him; he just laughs and says I’m “acting.” I am so stressed I can barely eat or sleep and my hands shake, all of which he takes as evidence of my guilt. To add insult to injury, he said I was being selfish letting him do everything around the house and he was tired of it and he was through doing anything for me.

    We’re not kids. I’m 62 and he’s 69. We know we don’t have unlimited time ahead of us and this is our last, miraculous second chance at happiness. I meant those wedding vows. And I’m at a total loss. I will not confess to something I didn’t do. I did not lie. How do you prove a negative? The more I say, it seems the worse things get. I don’t know how to be any more truthful or more faithful to him. I don’t want this marriage to end up in coldness or divorce. I want the love, the intimacy, the closeness, the tenderness back again. Please please help.

  146. My marriage of 5 months to the love of my life is suddenly falling apart. I’m beyond distraught and I just don’t know what to do. I know this is long and I apologize, but please let me give some background, as it will help in understanding the situation.

    We met 38 yrs ago (I was 25; he was 31), when he arrived in California as an exiled political prisoner from Chile, after 3 years in Pinochet’s torture centers and concentration camps. I worked for a social service agency and as I’m fluent in Spanish, I happened to be the one who did the intake interview. Our mutual attraction was immediate and we had a relationship that lasted off and on for some 11 years. I was single and dated other people, though I would have married him in a heartbeat (probably inadvisably at the ages we were then). He was in a marriage more of convenience than love–she had cheated repeatedly but helped him get out of Chile and came with him to the US. He, in turn, agreed to support her while she went to school, something that was supposed to take 4 years but ended up taking 14 till she got her PhD. During that time, they both had outside relationships. After she got her doctorate, they divorced (unbeknownst to me) and by that time, I was married. He was single for a while, then had a one-night stand with a Spanish girl who was moving to Illinois the next day for a teaching job and she got pregnant. They decided to give marriage a shot and he moved to Illinois as well to be with his son and to help her get her citizenship papers. A year and a half later, they had a daughter, and shortly thereafter, they agreed the marriage wasn’t working and he moved into the basement. Again, they both had outside relationships. After a couple of years, he moved to his own apartment and stayed in the Midwest until both kids were in college. I’ve met his children and they’re great. He is an absolutely amazing father.

    We never forgot each other.Each of us always wondered how and where the other one was and many years after my divorce, my curiosity got to me and I was able to find his phone number on the Internet. In late 2008, I called and found that he too had been divorced at almost the exact time I had, lived alone (though with occasional relationships) like I had, and still felt the same way about me as I did him. He always has told me that the greatest regret of his life was not leaving his first wife for me (he almost did, but his sense of obligation and what he felt was right prevailed) and he had felt guilty all those years for losing what we had and that he had never truly been in love except with me.

    In December 2012, he flew to California and we saw each other again for the first time in over 20 years. It was like we had never been apart and it was wonderful. I had been in an declining sporadic relationship for a while, but after reconnecting with Willy, I told the guy I’d been seeing what had happened and that I wanted to see where this new relationship would go. The old boyfriend and I parted as good friends in mid-January 2013 and I saw him briefly once more in March when he came to plant a tree for me (he didn’t even come in the house). Since then I’ve not seen him at all.

    Willy and I became engaged in Feb. 2013 and he flew back and forth to see me almost every month. In April, precisely a year ago, he accused me of sneaking around the whole time while he was in Illinois and that he had proof. I was not cheating. To my eternal regret, I did try to hide the fact that the ex-boyfriend had been there to plant the tree, and it did come out. At that point, he said that he couldn’t trust me, that I lied, that he couldn’t believe anything I said. It was hell. As examples, once when I had a doctor’s appt a few blocks from home, the next day he accused me of putting some 40 miles on my car because he had checked the odometer; he did it once a few days later; when I got home from work (1 mile from home) claimed the mileage was up again and that if I hadn’t driven it, I must be loaning the car to someone else. Ever since May 2013, I have done everything possible to demonstrate that he can trust me. When I next saw him in June, things gradually smoothed over. I’ve gone overboard with caution: I always ask him to go with me when I run errands, have a doctor or dentist appointment, even when I go to the beauty shop.

    All seemed fine again and we married on Oct. 27. It was the culmination of years of wanting to be together and until last Monday, it’s been good. He made his final cross-country trip and moved into my little house at the end of November. It’s hard for two people from different backgrounds who’ve lived alone for 12 years to get used to each other and reconcile the long-treasured idealized vision we had of each other to a real person with flaws. For some time, he’s complained about a) I don’t talk enough and b) not having enough space for himself (which is true, though I’m working on clearing things out and making more room). He is retired and has willingly, voluntarily and without my asking been doing everything around the house, the yard and taking care of my two dogs (he adores them). He’s said that’s how he wanted to help and feel useful, so that when I get home from work I don’t have to do a thing. He’s been an angel–taking care of me, utterly loving, tender, sexy, funny, responsible, cheerful, talkative. There was so much joy and laughter. Then Monday happened…

    When I came home for lunch, I mentioned I needed to go to the bank and asked if he wanted to come with me. He said no, that would be silly because it’s close to my work so I should just go and do it myself. I returned to the office and parked in the first spot in the first row by the building, under a big tree with the windshield shades up because it was so hot. I worked till 5:16 and decided not to run the errand, as traffic is bad at that hour and I wanted to get home. When I arrived at 5:30, he asked if I’d been to the bank and I told him no and why; he smirked and said he knew I would say that and that a warning bell on his “antenna” was telling him that I was lying. He had driven to my office before 5:00 to surprise me and go to the bank with me, looked for my car, didn’t see it (I don’t know how he could have missed it, but he obviously did), waited a few minutes and left for home before I came out of the building. I explained all this, told him exactly what I’d been doing, asked if he’d like to confirm it with the person I’d been working with and he said no. I was so outraged and hurt at the accusation that I became quite angry and told him he was absolutely wrong. I also said he was so insecure (which is true; he often asks me what I see in him) that he looks for rejection and betrayal where it doesn’t exist (probably a remnant from his previous experiences in marriage, both as cheater and cheat-ee). I started to cry from anger and frustration, which he interpreted as the manipulative tears of a little kid who’s been caught red-handed.

    We barely spoke for two days and the coldness from him was numbing. He has completely stopped doing anything for me, won’t look at me, responds in monosyllables and is sleeping in a different room (where he went initially because he had a cold but now he’s staying). I’m a very quiet person by nature and conflict drives me even further into my shell, which makes him think I’m hiding something. However, I couldn’t take it any more and tried to talk to him again last night, to little if any avail. He had always said that we would be able to get through anything if we held on to each other’s hands (literally or figuratively); I asked him if we were still holding hands and he said no because “you lied to me.” He says he has proof but won’t tell me what it is because I’m just trying to figure out his techniques so I can get around them. I showed him a printout from my work computer that says exactly when I logged off (5:16 pm); he said he didn’t care. I told him he could check my phone and my email if he wanted (he’s always been suspicious of them); he said no. I reassured him that my conscience is absolutely clear, that I have nothing to hide, that I love him and no one but him; he just laughs and says I’m “acting.” And he can’t resist zapping me with zingers, e.g., when talking to the gardeners, he said, “You know Americans. They say one thing and mean another.”; or when a salesman called and I asked what the call was, “It was just a guy selling something…unless you want to talk to him.”; or “You’re upset because you’re trying to figure out how to get out of this” (my “lying”). I’m so stressed I can barely eat or sleep and my hands shake, all of which he takes as evidence of my guilt. To add insult to injury, he said I was being selfish letting him do everything around the house and he was sick and tired of it and he was through doing anything for me.

    We’re not kids. I’m 62 and he’s 69, both in good shape and looking a bit wrinkly but fine for our ages. We know we don’t have unlimited time ahead of us and this is our last, miraculous second chance at happiness. I meant those wedding vows. And I’m at a total loss. I will not confess to something I didn’t do. I did not lie. How do you prove a negative? The more I say, it seems the worse things get. I don’t know how to be any more truthful or more faithful to him. I don’t want this marriage to end up in coldness or divorce. I want the love, the intimacy, the closeness, the tenderness back again.

    Please please help.

  147. My marriage of 5 months to the love of my life is suddenly falling apart. I’m beyond distraught and I just don’t know what to do. I know this is long and I apologize, but please let me give some background, as it will help in understanding the situation.

    We met 38 yrs ago (I was 25; he was 31), when he arrived in California as an exiled political prisoner from Chile, after 3 years in Pinochet’s torture centers and concentration camps. I worked for a social service agency and as I’m fluent in Spanish, I happened to be the one who did the intake interview. Our mutual attraction was immediate and we had a relationship that lasted off and on for some 11 years. I was single and dated other people, though I would have married him in a heartbeat (probably inadvisably at the ages we were then). He was in a marriage more of convenience than love–she had cheated repeatedly but helped him get out of Chile and came with him to the US. He, in turn, agreed to support her while she went to school, something that was supposed to take 4 years but ended up taking 14 till she got her PhD. During that time, they both had outside relationships. After she got her doctorate, they divorced (unbeknownst to me) and by that time, I was married. He was single for a while, then had a one-night stand with a Spanish girl who was moving to Illinois the next day for a teaching job and she got pregnant. They decided to give marriage a shot and he moved to Illinois as well to be with his son and to help her get her citizenship papers. A year and a half later, they had a daughter, and shortly thereafter, they agreed the marriage wasn’t working and he moved into the basement. Again, they both had outside relationships. After a couple of years, he moved to his own apartment and stayed in the Midwest until both kids were in college. I’ve met his children and they’re great. He is an absolutely amazing father.

    We never forgot each other.Each of us always wondered how and where the other one was and many years after my divorce, my curiosity got to me and I was able to find his phone number on the Internet. In late 2008, I called and found that he too had been divorced at almost the exact time I had, lived alone (though with occasional relationships) like I had, and still felt the same way about me as I did him. He always has told me that the greatest regret of his life was not leaving his first wife for me (he almost did, but his sense of obligation and what he felt was right prevailed) and he had felt guilty all those years for losing what we had and that he had never truly been in love except with me.

    In December 2012, he flew to California and we saw each other again for the first time in over 20 years. It was like we had never been apart and it was wonderful. I had been in an declining sporadic relationship for a while, but after reconnecting with Willy, I told the guy I’d been seeing what had happened and that I wanted to see where this new relationship would go. The old boyfriend and I parted as good friends in mid-January 2013 and I saw him briefly once more in March when he came to plant a tree for me (he didn’t even come in the house). Since then I’ve not seen him at all.

    Willy and I became engaged in Feb. 2013 and he flew back and forth to see me almost every month. In April, precisely a year ago, he accused me of sneaking around the whole time while he was in Illinois and that he had proof. I was not cheating. To my eternal regret, I did try to hide the fact that the ex-boyfriend had been there to plant the tree, and it did come out. At that point, he said that he couldn’t trust me, that I lied, that he couldn’t believe anything I said. It was hell. As examples, once when I had a doctor’s appt a few blocks from home, the next day he accused me of putting some 40 miles on my car because he had checked the odometer; he did it once a few days later; when I got home from work (1 mile from home) claimed the mileage was up again and that if I hadn’t driven it, I must be loaning the car to someone else. Ever since May 2013, I have done everything possible to demonstrate that he can trust me. When I next saw him in June, things gradually smoothed over. I’ve gone overboard with caution: I always ask him to go with me when I run errands, have a doctor or dentist appointment, even when I go to the beauty shop.

    All seemed fine again and we married on Oct. 27. It was the culmination of years of wanting to be together and until last Monday, it’s been good. He made his final cross-country trip and moved into my little house at the end of November. It’s hard for two people from different backgrounds who’ve lived alone for 12 years to get used to each other and reconcile the long-treasured idealized vision we had of each other to a real person with flaws. For some time, he’s complained about a) I don’t talk enough and b) not having enough space for himself (which is true, though I’m working on clearing things out and making more room). He is retired and has willingly, voluntarily and without my asking been doing everything around the house, the yard and taking care of my two dogs (he adores them). He’s said that’s how he wanted to help and feel useful, so that when I get home from work I don’t have to do a thing. He’s been an angel–taking care of me, utterly loving, tender, sexy, funny, responsible, cheerful, talkative. There was so much joy and laughter. Then Monday happened…

    When I came home for lunch, I mentioned I needed to go to the bank and asked if he wanted to come with me. He said no, that would be silly because it’s close to my work so I should just go and do it myself. I returned to the office and parked in the first spot in the first row by the building, under a big tree with the windshield shades up because it was so hot. I worked till 5:16 and decided not to run the errand, as traffic is bad at that hour and I wanted to get home. When I arrived at 5:30, he asked if I’d been to the bank and I told him no and why; he smirked and said he knew I would say that and that a warning bell on his “antenna” was telling him that I was lying. He had driven to my office before 5:00 to surprise me and go to the bank with me, looked for my car, didn’t see it (I don’t know how he could have missed it, but he obviously did), waited a few minutes and left for home before I came out of the building. I explained all this, told him exactly what I’d been doing, asked if he’d like to confirm it with the person I’d been working with and he said no. I was so outraged and hurt at the accusation that I became quite angry and told him he was absolutely wrong. I also said he was so insecure (which is true; he often asks me what I see in him) that he looks for rejection and betrayal where it doesn’t exist (probably a remnant from his previous experiences in marriage, both as cheater and cheat-ee). I started to tear up from anger and frustration, which he interpreted as the manipulative tears of a little kid who’s been caught red-handed.

    We barely spoke for two days and the coldness from him was numbing. He has completely stopped doing anything for me, won’t look at me, responds in monosyllables and is sleeping in a different room (where he went initially because he had a cold but now he’s staying). I’m a very quiet person by nature and conflict drives me even further into my shell, which makes him think I’m hiding something. However, I couldn’t take it any more and tried to talk to him again last night, to little if any avail. He had always said that we would be able to get through anything if we held on to each other’s hands (literally or figuratively); I asked him if we were still holding hands and he said no because “you lied to me.” He says he has proof but won’t tell me what it is because I’m just trying to figure out his techniques so I can get around them. I showed him a printout from my work computer that says exactly when I logged off (5:16 pm); he said he didn’t care. I told him he could check my phone and my email if he wanted (he’s always been suspicious of them); he said no. I reassured him that my conscience is absolutely clear, that I have nothing to hide, that I love him and no one but him; he just laughs and says I’m “acting.” And he can’t resist hitting me with little zingers at every opportunity, i.e., “You’ve been stressed because you’re trying to figure out how to get out of this” (getting “caught”); “You don’t mean what you say”; when a salesman called, “He was just looking for a sale…unless you want to talk to him”; commenting to the gardeners, “You know Americans: they say one thing and mean another”; on and on ad infinitum. To add insult to injury, he said I was being selfish letting him do everything around the house and he was sick and tired of it and he was through doing anything for me. I’m so stressed that I can barely eat or sleep and my hands shake–all of which he takes as evidence of my “guilt.”

    We’re not kids. I’m 62 and he’s 69, both in good shape and looking a bit wrinkly but fine for our ages. We know we don’t have unlimited time ahead of us and this is our last, miraculous second chance at happiness. I meant those wedding vows. And I’m at a total loss. I will not confess to something I didn’t do. I did not lie. How do you prove a negative? The more I say, it seems the worse things get. I don’t know how to be any more truthful or more faithful to him. I don’t want this marriage to end up in coldness or divorce. I want the love, the intimacy, the closeness, the tenderness back again.

    Please let me know your thoughts.

    With boundless gratitude,

  148. I have a wife,but she keeps me asking do you really love me and I start asking why always keep on asking that,she says I’m just asking and one day says that she don’t want to delay her life and to me sounds like she is board to be with me.It sounds as if I’m not doing enough even If I take her to the restaurant “randomly why I you smiling and I say I’m not and she will keep saying you thinking somewhere.I’m still confused about what must I do.We were married for seven years and we have three doughters and I have a fear of those kids because they really love me.Please help me.

  149. I have been with my boyfriend for nearly a year and also found out I was pregnant about 2 months ago.. My boyfriend always accuses me of cheating and always asking me a 101 questions about where have I been… Etc… When I tell him he starts with his sarcastic accusations… I have walked away about 4 times and he then texts me with I love u and I won’t do it again… I’m in a situation where I’m living in his house and pregnant with his child..I almost feel he feels sorry for me coz if we do split up I’m the one who has to leave and he feels guilty for the unborn child.. Then that would basically make me homeless . There is no intimacy at all… He says I’m exaggerating because I’m pregnant…I honestly don’t know what to do? I’m 21 and want all the best for are child I don’t know whether I should walk away or just stay with him for the sake of my unborn child…

  150. Hi Kim. I’ve dated this guy for 7 years and got married to him because I got pregnant. Basically, i have caught him cheating on me (sex with other women) prior to the marriage and probably some other stuff i have no idea about when he was living in another country while we were dating long-distance. I think i should have ended it the first time i caught him but as naive as i was i “forgave” him because i was too scared to lose him. Now i am regretting this. Every step of the way during my pregnancy he has demanded for a dna test whether this is his kid or not. Even when my son was born. So when my son was shy of 1 month old, he forced me and my son to do a dna test – if i didnt then he would deny that this was his son. 2nd flag that i should have just left.

    Now my son just turned 1 yrs old and he still accuses me of sleeping with other men. How could i have any time when all i have time is for a fulltime job, taking care of my baby, and being a housewife doing all the chores? I just saw a hickey-like mark on his back as well so when i asked him what it was he then just talked about how unfaithful i am and how he forgives me. I know this probably stems from me not telling him the truth about meeting an ex at a party which i hadn’t even had a conversation with – but didnt want to tell him because he is illogical and possesive. I feel so stressed and uncomfortable and dont really know who to talk to now. I want my son to have a mother and father but im starting to think if being verbally abused in front of my son is not better than my son being raised by me solely. Sorry for such a long comment, i really have no one to talk to about this.

  151. My husband and I have been together for eight years.we have three beautiful children together. We have been through some ups and downs together, but always work through everything together and communicate great. Last year he went to a rehab program on his own will, after we got into a fight and I kicked him out. He was gone for a week, which is the longest we have ever been away from each other. The first couple of days were rough, he would call and be upset because he Wasn’t feeling well, And I would hang up on him. I was worried sick about him, but felt that it was unfair for him to yell at me. The whole time he was gone I mailed him a package, cleaned the house, took the kids to school and focused on making sure he would be comfortable when heGot home. Fast forward 9 months to now, and boy am I going through hell. New years eve we decided to have a couple of drinks together, which we haven’t done in years. He got very intoxicated and started screamingat me.. accusing me of cheating on him when he was in “rehab hell”. I would never cheat on my husband Ever, that is not how I was raised I do not believe in that and I love and cherish my husband more than life itself. He was saying the most hurtful things to me that came out of complete left field. I was hyperventilating in the corner, he wouldn’t let me speak, I had to call his brother to come and get him. The next morning of course he didn’t remember any of it, but it’s definitely something I’ll never forget. We tried to talk, he said he feels like I’m not being honest with him about the time he was gone and he knows in his gut I did something he just doesn’t know what. I assured him that nothing had happened, I was taking care of the house and kids when he was gone and that was it. We got along fine for another week, then the same fight again. Once again he said he believed me and dropped it for a month or so. We find out we are expecting. Oh man, things get worse. He tells mehe wants a divorce he’s certain I did something I’m not telling him about, he feels we can’t raise a child togetherbecause I’m a liar. My heart is completely broken. I want this baby more than life itself, I love my husband to death I am so crushed that he feels this way. I don’t know what to do. He says that I’m just scared to tell him the truth but NOTHING HAPPENED so what do I do?

  152. I’m depressed and at the end of my rope emotionally. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2.5 years. We’ve lived together for 1.5. Every since a few months in, when I stopped talking to him after a fight (I wanted him to call and apologize) he’s had constant accusations. He said I must have not been talking to him because I was seeing someone else. Then, he got onto my facebook without my permission and found me making comments about wanting ot break up with him (because he screamed at me so much) and saying I wanted to find someone new first because I didn’t want to be alone. He’s guilt-tripped me about that nonstop for years. Then, a male friend thousands of miles away called me twice while we were at dinner, and for months he accused me of cheating with the person that called, even though i showed him the out-of-state area code, adn he knew were i was every second of the day. Now, I finally have a freakin’ friend, female, and I invited her over to hang out, since he had his friend over anyway. And he accused me of cheating WITH HER.

    1. Tamara,
      Go see someone for your own support; especially in regards to your first sentence “I’m depressed and at the end of my rope emotionally.” Then, once you have yourself solid on your feet, decide if you really want to be with someone who, in your words, “screams at me so much.” If he is honest and truly wants to get healthy and be in a healthy relationship he’ll be willing to see someone with you and work on that screaming.
      But bottom line, get yourself healthy and safe.

  153. Hello,

    I am in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now. We are visiting each other every 3-4 months and we are constantly talking on the phone or online. We love each other so much and we are planning to be together for good in a few months.
    We always had stupid fights about the small things as normal in these kind of relationships, but the incident below let things over the line..
    A couple of months ago, when he was visiting, he hacked my fb account and he found a couple of chats in my inbox (one was with an old ex and the other was with a guy that hit on me at a party last summer). There was nothing going on with those guys and the chats were of casual context (nothing flirty or sexual). Still, he got furious, we had a huge fight, he stated that he lost his trust in me and he accused me of cheating (even if i didn’t, i was being accused of having the intention to).
    The fact that we are in a long distance relationship didn’t really help this situation. We had many talks, I tried to explain that there was nothing going on and I tried to convince him that I never met with those guys and that my feelings for him never changed. We tried to work it out (for almost a month) and after a few days, I thought that we had left it behind and that we had resolved this issue.
    It’s been weeks and since, with every chance he gets, he starts accusing me for this incident and we are going through the same arguments again and again. He sounds hurt, uncertain, suspicious and aggresive. Even if it is a good day, he might recall on something and he will ask me something relevant with this incident (eg. If i still have feelings with my ex, and if i was thinking of him since we broke up (2010)). I don’t know when he’s going to get over it and I have to admit that it is a really arduous situation. I try to reassure him everytime that there is nothing going on and we are going through the same arguments again and again. I feel like he is really strugling to get over it but he simply can’t – his ego is seriously hurt.
    I really want to work things out. We are going to be apart for three more months – we waited so long for this that I don’t want it to fail..
    Do you think that it is normal to still accuse me of cheating (even if i didn’t) just for communicating (with my ex once/twice a year and with the other guy almost once a month) with these guys?
    Is there any way I can help him get over this infidel impression of me?
    It’s been really hard for me to try refuting his accusations over and over again (sometimes when i do he is even accusing me that I don’t admit my mistakes).
    Thank you for your time..

  154. I am Spanish married to an english born from an Indian family.Been married for 20 years and have 4 kids.Everything started about 6 years ago when he started preferring spending time with his friends, then started saying you are not cover properly, your bottom came off, your shoes are not good, have u got make up on ?… so I started seen that he could wear what he wanted, go with his friends when he wanted,if I had problem with his family was never a big deal,he has called me bitch, prostitute, that him and his family are better than me and my family, he has slept at his friends house every weekend for the past 12 years, he has punched me twice, he says i am stupid thats why I don’t have any friends…… I don’t have friends because since I marry him I have just looked after my kids because this is just me. This last year we were going to go on holidays together but because we had a problem with 1 of the passports we couldn’t go BUT mister went for 2 weeks to a friends wedding out of the country.. so I decided to take motorway lessons while he was out and a years later his dad told him that they saw me in a car with a man obviously on purpose as they know that we are having problems, since this matters has gone really bad as I know hate his family for this. H e has also travel to turkey with his family, to Amsterdan with his friends ( he says he didn’t do anything), to another country for giving aid for 3 weeks, and anther 2 weeks with his family again….
    AND ME AN MY KIDS WHAT ? I asked my self…after all this things put together that have happened over this 6-7 years I had explode big time and I have chucked him out of the house. he has been out for 5 month now in which he has slowly trying to change. The thing is that 2 weeks ago the night before he left to go with his family he made me promise him in Gods name That since these 20 years I have never slept with anybody. How do YOU think I am feeling with all this things how can he dare to even think about it when I didn’t grew up in here and all I have done is looking after my kids and on top of that I don’t have any self stem anymore, I am not confident, I can’t sleep, I cry many times….He says I have change, well thank God I have , because he pretends that he can do and go wherever he wants and I am going to sit while he points at me for things he does himself ?
    On top of all he has backbite and slander about me to his brothers and sister, if they see me on the street they turn their face away .. I just don’t know how to handle this . I am not happy that his family hates me for no reason and I can’t stand they know things about me they shouldn’t know just because of him,, they called me animal because I shouted at their brother, What about the way he treats me and the kids. By the way my kids are on my side because on every argument they have been there and they actually don’t like their father . He has taken his own family for granted.
    I am saying these things but I still don’t know what to do, he is coming back from them 2 weeks holidays soon and I don’t really want to see him.
    I don’t seem to have the patience with him anymore so I don’t stay quite and always say how I feel to him, which I think he doest really care anyway.
    I don’t know if I love him or not , or if I am with because of the 20 years, or because I don’t know anyone. I feel a bit trap.
    He wants me to make up with his family but I find it really hard , I have tried before but always something big happens

    1. Sara,
      You might consider referring to the resources page here and calling the domestic violence hotline. They have great information and can give you some direction on safety and what abuse is.

  155. I have been married to my husband almost 5 years and we were together a few years before that. Everything seemed to be going fine till the other day he was upstairs getting ready for the day and came downstairs holding a shirt asking whos it is? I had just done the laundry the day before and he said it was hung up in the “just hung up” section of shirts. I assumed it was his so I told him it was his but he said no it wasn’t . I looked at the tag and I didnt recognize the brand being his, We have a 15 year old son who wears a similar size, which I really dont recognize it to be his either. Reguardless I have no idea where this shirt came from or whos it actually is. It is not my shirt so in all honestly I really didn’t care. However my husband refused to believe that it was my sons and insisted that i probably had some guy over. Which I have never cheated on him ever in anyway. So I tried to insure that he has no reason to doubt me and that wanted him to know I didn’t cheat on him. But he left the house with out saying anything except his accusations (he was getting ready to go somewhere in the first place, he didnt just leave me or anything). I even texted him while he was away that i havent done anything or given him any reason to question me. that i dont want him thinking i was cheating on him. And he never responded. Now this is not his first time accusing me of cheating, a few weeks before this my sons necklace was in the hallway on the floor. (We have 4 kids, the 2 oldest are from my previous relationship and my 2 youngest are with my husband). My oldest son, he is autistic and does not remember a lot of things. My husband asked him if the necklace was his and he said he didnt know he didnt think so (which same thing with th eshirt I asked my son if it was his and he didn’t know- so not much help there). So back to the necklace, then my husband gets mad and starts questioning everyone and saying he wants to know if some dude was in his house and room leaving his jewerly laying around. which i took that as a direct comment to me especially by the way he was acting annoyed with me immediately. I told him that was our sons and it had been in one of his storage containers on his shelf. but he didnt want to hear it. I asked my youngest daughter if she had gotten it and she said yes she was playing with it. SO then when I point out to my husband that i just confirmed it was our oldests he said i was never accusing anyone of anything. i was just trying to figure out what was going on and where it came from. But again the whole beginning of our relationship he was constantly accusing me of cheating on him. I also became pregnant after the first few months of us seeing each other. so throughout that pregnancy up until i had her he accused me of cheating or that wasnt his child- he is not on her birth certificate because he wanted a test. (The issues we had of him accusing me of constantly cheating towards the beginning of our relationship we had gotten past and moved forwardm even though I never cheated on him then either). However lately it seems to be an issue again and I am not sure what to do. i am tired of being accused of doing something I am not doing. and now walking around on egg shells- it seems the past few days the more and more he sees me the more aggravated he gets with me as well. I just dont know what to do. I have mentioned to him in the past that I feel he lets his insecurities get the better of him. and that I try to confort him and tell him i am not cheating but he somehow tells me that i just dont confort him or i get defensive and thats a sign to him that i shouldn’t have a reason to be defensive if i wasnt cheating. I honestly dont know what to do i just feel so shattered.

  156. I realize this is an old thread, but I’m at my wits end. Four years ago, I was diagnosed and started treatment for cervical cancer. My husband was dealing with some fairly crappy work stuff and didn’t understand how tired and in pain I was. He constantly was nasty to me because of having to help with our three children when he got home from work. When I started going out with friends to take my mind off of things, he started accusing me of cheating. He said a friend had told him I was though when I asked, she insists he never asked about when we go out (but he didnt say anything about it until two years later, and held this inside all that time). When I started college classes a couple years later, I had a night class and often stayed late to help my professors, or talk to classmates. He decided I was cheating, again, though I wasn’t, and never asked anyone about my whereabouts. He has used that against me ever since, but he sexts these girls he meets online or at work, and says its revenge. He has said our marriage vows were meaningless, and even spread lies about me to his friends and family (who all hate me now) and then asked me to sleep with other guys for him to watch. He has hurt me so many times, and threatened to kick me out. Then he apologizes once I finally break down and cry, because I cant hold it in anymore. I cant keep doing this. The last time was my birthday, and I recently caught him exchanging pics with yet another woman whom he told I was abusing my children and we were already divorced, all because my ex visited my older two children for christmas. He finally promised not to keep using the past against me, since its been so long I cant go back to prove I didnt do anything, but I dont know if he can keep that promise. It hurts so much, what do I do? I’m only working part time, so I haven’t any means to provide for my children alone if I leave yet.

  157. Well, for starters me and my boyfriend has been together for going on 8 months, and every single day we argue.. and I’m so tired of the crap. i’m completely stressed out, i just can’t take it anymore. He constantly accuses me of cheating, and it’s so fustranting, and he says why do i get mad if it’s not true. and i say because you accuse me everyday of the same thing. I’m really not happy anymore, I miss my old life. i can barley have friends, I can’t get on facebook, twitter and stuff like that, He brings up my past 24/7, and then he only gets madder and then we argue more and more. i’m like i can’t help it. Every where we go i have to look at the ground because he accuses me of looking at dudes, and the funny thing about this whole thing WE PRATICALLY LIVE TOGETHER! and I hate being away from my family now. Like i’m okay with staying with him for the weekend, but it’s like his family or nothing, then he gets mad when i wanna go home, when we argue because i just want away from the arguements, He calls me names like bitch, fat ass, whore, etc etc, it kills me. And he swears up and down that the only reason he does all that is because he doesn’t wanna lose me and that he loves me, I’m like you keep that up and you’re only gunna lose me not keep me, and i’m just so done, and i even tell him i wanna break up and be friends, but he just acts like he doesn’t hear it or just ignores the text if i text it to him, like today i told him i wanted to break up because even at school he accuses me of crap. and im only 15, a sophmore. and i turn 16 in 3 months so i say i’ma quit. but he graduates soon anyway. thank god. so i don’t know what to do? like do i try or what can i say to make him trust me or what should i say to break up. help

  158. So me and my boyfriend has been together for going on 8 months now, and all we do is constantly argue. i can’t take it anymore. Im not happy. He accuses me of cheating EVERYDAY AND EVERYNIGHT literally . I hate it more than ever. every where i go i have to have my head down to the ground because he’ll accuse me of looking at some dude, Its so depressing. He doesn’t trust me, I have never gave him a reason not to trust me, He tells me that the reason he’s like this is because he loves me and doesn’t want to lose me. but it’s only getting worse. I can’t take this anymore. Please give me some advise. He always calls me names to it hurts HELP

  159. Ive been in a relationship for about 5 months and i was texting my bf and cousin and i sent this funny video of 2 of my friends from Arkansas which is a boy and his sister. In the video the boy was shirtless but we were playing with water ballons so he took his shirt off because it was wet and he said that i was like family so he didnt like me at all like that and i didnt like him either…anyways when i sent the video he got mad because he was shirtless and i told him that i did not like him at all but i guess he didnt believe me and he told me to leave him alone so every since then i havent talked to him but then i texted him again and his brother replied and told me that he thought i was cheating. I tried telling him that i wasnt but he said that he was done, i am very confused on all of this i need help!!!

  160. so here’s the story..
    ive been with my bf for a year already and our relationship has definitely overcome some very tough situations. we’ve always found a way to get over them because we truly love eachother. he always tells me after we argue no matter what im still here, i love you and you’re the only woman im gonna marry and have a family with. but one night he dropped me off at my house before taking his BEST friend home, i left and said bye to both of them and i swear i didnt hear anything after but the next day my bf is texting me telling me im cheating on him with his best friend because he heard him say “can i stay over”? now for the next month i spent it telling him over and over i’ve never cheated on him and never have crossed any boundaries with his best friend i respect it too much. he believed me bu he claims he has caught him staring at me or me at him. never happened, me staring at him. then fast forward to now just yesterday he asked me what i did in the morning i said i spent it with my baby nephew and took him to the park. he then asked, “by yourself”? i said yes. now at 3 in the morning he texts me saying he knowes i went to meet up with him at the park that im cheating on him etc. bullshiittt i just went to take my nnephew. and now we’re in the biggest argument rioght now i just told him im done with this drama either you quit it or i will confront him (his best friend) about everything and tell him how insane you’re getting over nothing thats happened. OR i walk away. i cant deal with his insecurities any much longer..but i love him so much he truly brings me so much joy but this is really affecting me…what should i do??…help please

  161. Yeah well I’ve been with my bf for going on 8 months and it’s almost a daily thing where he accuses me of cheating. Funny thing though I’ve NEVER given him any reason to think that I would even cheat on him, but HIM lol I’ve found him twice on a dating site and a card with a womans name on it. He ALWAYS has a way to explain everything away, but let me try to explain ANYTHING and i’m wrong wrong wrong! Now that I look at him he is trying to control what I do and when I do it. When he is around my family respects my privacy they may call but they don’t come around like normally the other day he pointed that out-oh they don’t come around when i’m there lol wtf! The other day I went out to eat with my family (a family restaurant) afterwards I told him yeah I had a good time I had the bourbon chicken which was really delicious. His FIRST comment “oh so ur drinking…I told him NO it doesn’t have bourbon in it “oh so now i’m stupid” huh…it’s named after a place in some of the things he says just DOESN”T make sense and he doesn’t want to hear that. This morning I got up feeling REALLY REALLY good and I told him that, I was thinking of you and it made me smile. “oh ur in love with another man” WTF ANY OTHER MAN would take that comment and run with it and feel damn good, but NOT this man. He is OFF and it is something mentally wrong with him and althought I LOVE him to death a part of me is telling me I NEED TO LEAVE HIM cos he is NOT for this relationship.

  162. hi, i am also experiencing this type of problem 🙁 weve been for together for 5 months with my boyfriend but being in 5 months all he thought of me is that i cheated even if God knows i didnt. he even accussed me that i have an affair with my workmate, ex or even with my first degree cousin!this is really not true and right for i deserve to be respected for he even hurt me physically in public or private. he even call me names whore,bitch.stupid and everything that really hurts me emotionally. he even controling me every moves/steps that i take or even words that i may say. he would ask me to update him all the time /even minutes. i dont really know what to do. he even secluded me to be with my friends and family. he wanted me to be with him all the time so that he is sure that i am not doing any cheating.he even ask me to do things which i dont want to do like, to have a video/photo of a place where i’ve been /who is with me. telling me that i always not telling the truth eveytime i defended myself for he believes that he is always right. i have been manipulated most of the time but how come still he would accused me of me cheating?or even making an affair with my cousin? I REALLY DONT DESERVE THIS THING and I DESERVE TO BE RESPECTED. why is that he is like that? 🙁 i am so hurt emotionaly, physicaly and mentaly. i need advices and help.

  163. Hey. I want to know, am I obsessive/possessive or am I correct to think this way? I am currently “broke up” from my gf of 2 years. We went in to college together and I had always thought that she was pretty much an “overly attached” gf. That was fine with me as she made me become like that. She has always been the “I can only be friends with guys” kind of girl and she has a habit of making small lies. She is the reason that I literally do not have anyone to call a friend. Even anyone to call a friendly acquaintance. She turned me against my best friends with her stories and now that we are broken up, she is, quote, “best friends” with the guy I was insecure about, who just so happens to be my former best friend. I often thought that she seemed to friendly about him to talk all the crap she did about him. We would be sitting on the couch and if he came inside she would get up and be excited and talk to him, even sit near him when he sat down and only offer me to sit next to her when I gave her a weird look, kind of like her afterthought. Multiple times we drank and she would isolate herself with him and tell me to go away and that they were having a private conversation. I am saying all of this for word value, nothing is exaggerated. The last night we were together, I cooked her an amazing meal and she bought me something in return. Later that night I couldn’t find her and I went upstairs and she was with him in a room with the door shut, but I think that he was confronting her about her lying. As to what lie he was confronting her about, I’m not sure. After that, I found her upstairs with him and some girl who sleeps with many guys. I do not generally like the girl friends that she makes because they normally are……….not what I would want for my gf to turn into… that controlling? I encourage her to be friends with people who won’t influence her to be trashy, but she only makes friends with those people? Why does she tell me he is gay and that he has told her so many disturbing things and then she becomes his best friend after she turns me against him then dumps me? She consistently tells me I am controlling and insecure, but he has been giving her rides to work when she LITERALLY lives 50 steps away from her job. He picks her up from classes. The crazy thing is, I met with her a couple times since the break up and there is obvious want to get back together from both of us. She even kissed me on the cheek and I to her. Though, she never returns my texts even if it is just one text. She claims she works every day of the week and I know she doesn’t. Is she avoiding me for bad reasons or does she just need space? Should I get a councilor? Just today I was talking to her in class and everything was good but she was very grumpy, I follow her outside and the guy is waiting to pick her up. I don’t say anything and walk the opposite direction. Was I wrong to do that or should I confront the guy? He has a history of making up stories as well though so I’m not sure I would get the truth no matter where I go. Am I overthinking this as well? After the break up, if she consistently says she wants to meet and never makes it to meet, is she attempting to play with my head or are there reasons? This has happened numerous numerous times in the past three weeks. Please help and thank you. I want to know if there are things I should work on for my next relationship or if there is anything I can do to salvage this one. I do not doubt that she loved me at one point, but she broke it off when I first told her what I thought about her being up with the guy for a whole night.

  164. So, I’ve been with my boyfriend for just shy of 10 years. The start of our relationship was fairly rough as we were both young and into our party stage. There was a time that I did cheat on him and though I he doesn’t admit it. I know he has cheated as well. Throughout the years he has constantly accused me of cheating. He never believes me. Always questions me. Even kicks me out of my own apartment. We will be apart for a couple days and somehow I always believe him when he apologizes and asks me to come back. Let me add that though I have been unfaithful in the past, this was years ago and I have not even thought of committing such an act. I often wonder when he thinks I have time to do these things as I am at work and when Ivan not there, I am with him. I have secluded myself from my family and friends just for the mere fact that I don’t want to deal with the 20 questions when I got home if I were to go out and have a normal life. I know this isn’t a healthy way to live a life but he is my first love and I couldn’t imagine life without him. Trying to talk to him about these situations is always one sided . Yet he complains that I do not open up to him. Everyone I have spoken to tells me how messed up the relationship is down to even his own family. I just cannot help but think that maybe some day he will see the error. In his thinking and finally believe me. I just don’t know if I can wait any longer. I am not getting any younger and I would hate to spend my life knowing that I never got a chance to be with someone that I felt truly loved and trusted me. I am at a loss. Please help.

  165. I have never cheated my wife, she is always looking for reason to accuse me. When I was working with her she accused me of looking at other women which I am not I quit that job. when I go out in public places as soon I see some women coming I change my direction. now I am taking computer classes she is accusing me every single day that I am chatting with other woman which I had never did. we been married for 6 years and I have never ever cheated her physically or mentally . All I am trying to do is earn money and give her good life. every day she accuses me and I cannot concentrate on my studies. what to do?

  166. I’ve been with my fiancée for 20 months now and in the beginning it was awesome after being engaged and being together for over a yr I found out that he lied to me . He apparently was still married not living with his spouse but still legally married. Which he should have just been honest and I would have understood but lying was damaging. During the duration he just decides to leave me several times. Since then I found a social network site he had been on while being with me. He said he was on before me so I just let it go then I found a phone that he had and I had no clue about. He apparently got it when he left me then he came back and still had it. There has been damaged done to our relationship that I have decided to forgive and move on and for the last five – six months it’s been crazy. He constantly is accusing me of cheating when in fact I have not done that nor did I ever plan to. He has gone to the extreme to say that when he works nights that I have had someone in the bed with me while I’m on the phone with him and that my children cover for me.. As if I have no respect for myself, our relationship and my children. He has even left a job early just to show up to see if he can catch me cheating and no one was with me but he still believed someone was in the house so he looked under the bed, in the closet , in the bathroom and in the shower.. We can’t go out anywhere he believes I’m looking for someone and that I’m suppose be meeting someone there.. I can’t look any direction because he says I looking at guys and being disrespectful to him and that he feels I am making a fool of him which is all untrue….. Last night we went to the fair and it was miserable and he started with his accusations and I just let him get his things and leave. I can’t continue to hold on to what we use to have and think we are going to get it back with that behavior. It just makes me sad that it has to be that way because I really love him but not his behavior and the way he has treated me and how he has made me feel. He keeps telling me he wants things like they were in the beginning well it’s hard to be loving with someone that keeps beating u over crap.. He says I don’t show him love. Holy cow how can I when I’m having to defend myself all the time… How do I move on from this

  167. I asked my wife if she was cheating on a gut feeling and several odd events past. She quite simply and immediately responded no…. I then asked if she would tell Mr if she had and she didn’t respond. At which I said that’s what I figured. And got no response. The conversation was ended. Is this a normal response when asked something this serious?

  168. My husband accuses me everyday, we loose sleep over it. I have done everything in my power to assure him that I am not. I have my kids if Im not at work, I video chat with him whenever he wants throughout the day. He shows up to my job without telling me, he shows up to the house whenever. He has this crazy idea that I am and he records me, checks my phone history, spending history and internet history. I am pregnant with his 3rd child and denied it for a while. I have felt so low and so alone, I do not want to talk to anyone about this. How embarrassing that my own husband does not trust me. He cheated on me and I trust him no matter what because I am sure of myself. I know what I am worth, well atleast I thought I did. But I see myself tolerating this and its not fair. He scares me sometimes to the point where I have stomach aches when he approaches me because I dont know what he will accuse me of next. I know he loves me and tells me he needs help but I need to help myself as well. I dont want to walk out on him but I dont want him to do something stupid because he doesnt believe me one day. I tell him where I am at constantly I have no need to lie but its never enough, he checks the windows in the house and around the yard for foot prints and its kind of psycho to me.

  169. I have never been a person who cheats in a relationship. Never. I have been cheated on. My girlfriend has openly admitted to me that she has cheated in the past but never on me. She has told me she has cheated because she was being cheated on. She doesnt have very much trust for me either. Facebook! I used to talk to a lot of women on facebook when her and I first got together. Mostly women from out of state. I no longer have facebook. She does and I gave her my password and let her change the password because I have her and could care less for that damn thing. I dont like feeling this way. It’s painful and exhausting. What should I do???

  170. My fiance of three years acts very condescending to me, tries to tickle me in a very hurtful manner, and when I tell her to stop, she continues, and harder. She claims she is only playing. The same when she takes my phone. She locks herself in a room and goes through my messages, my work emails, my Facebook , everything she can find, and grills me so hard and demands to know if I’m cheating, even when there’s no evidence. She feels my family hates her because of what I tell them, and I constantly defend her, but these are things they see from her directly. She works few hours with a temp agency, and I work crazy hours with a private security company, and the Army Reserves, so I have time with her and her son, but no time for anything else.Things are fine most days when she’s not being a heinous bitch. We cuddle play video games, and cook together, and even find a little time to go out. I’m lost though. What can I do?

    1. Greggory,
      Ask her to go to some counseling together with you. If you are serious about getting married, go get your relationship strong and healthy first. There is no shame in counseling before a marriage; in fact, it is a smart move.

  171. In May, myself and my boyfriend took a break in our relationship which lasted for 1.5 months. He and I got back together, but he still holds things against me that I simply don’t understand. I am not and have never been the type to cheat, because some of my exes have cheated on me and I know how bad it makes a person feel. Because I went for a drive with a “friend” of mine (I thought he was anyways) after we had started the break my boyfriend insists I cheated on him in doing that. Later on, this “friend” went on to take manipulate and advantage of me sexually and I haven’t talked to him since. During our break, which I started because I was absolutely sure my boyfriend was miserable with me (he often said so), I was miserable. I missed him every day and I fell into a cycle of alcoholism wherein all I would do is work, sleep, and drink until I blacked out. Upon two different occasions my blackout state was taken advantage of by two different guys: one of my friend’s older brothers, and one of my boyfriend’s “friends”. My boyfriend, while we were apart, also hooked up with this girl a few times. I understand we weren’t together, but it still hurts because he chose to do that. I do my best not to hold it against him or bring it up unnecessarily. However, he continuously insists I’m cheating on him because he insists I’m still responsible for all that happened to me. We Skype every day (I’m away at university) and when we’re not on Skype we’re on the phone, texting, or sleeping. Whenever I go out anywhere, to the grocery store or even the rare occasion I go out with friends (I don’t have many yet), he’s always paranoid that I’m out with another guy even though I never am. Whenever I can’t hop on Skype straight away for whatever reason he says it’s because I have to rush to get back to my room from cheating on him or I’m telling another guy to leave. I do whatever I can to prove my innocence. He knows my Facebook password along with numerous others and I have no problem showing him my phone or anything because I have nothing to hide. Despite this, he says I’m probably just deleting the messages. I have deleted messages before with guys flirting with me because I didn’t want to start unnecessary conflict between him and these guys. I still told him about what was said to me and since I’ve figured out the deleting has bothered him I haven’t done it since. He has gone to councilling before and it helped briefly but he has stopped going. I get so frustrated with the accusations sometimes I just don’t know what to do. He says he has difficulty being with me after “what I did to him”. I want him to understand that throughout everything I still loved him and missed him and wanted to come back but I thought he would be better off if I didn’t. I tell him all this, but he never listens and calls it “bullshit” insisting that it’s too far-fetched and I just wanted to leave and “have fun” for a while. As you can imagine, this makes me feel like utter garbage about myself, as if somehow I’m to blame for what happened. I know I still love him with all my being, and he has been accusing me less and less but I also get the feeling he’s bottling it up because he knows how much it upsets me.

    1. You chose to sleep with those guys. It takes two to tango. Unless it is a brutal rape then it is given with consent. Three times compared to the one time you know your bf did, I believe that the relationship is over. You both have reason to not believe each other and good ones too. It is too far gone once a sexual act was committed on either side.

  172. hi, my partner and i were together for 10 years tomorrow.. but hes accusing me of having an affair with an invisible guy at work.. this started happening when he came to my house and i hug her tight and he felt my breast.. he told me that my breast are too soft and he felt that there’s something wrong.. after that he told me that my lips are swelling and kept accusing me that theres a kiss mark.. were obviously there’s none.. the next day he broke up with me in a text saying that hes not at ease with me anymore.. and asking who’s the guy and where it happen.. im so hurt and explain to him that i cant do that and i know myself.. i even swore to the name of God that i didnt do anything to ruin our relationship.. and a lot more to tell here, but to make it short he keep on insisting that my body changed my lips my breast and skin became zag.. he really think that iam having an affair and cheated on him when its really not.. pls help i dont know what to do.. and the only thing i did maybe to made him think that im doing something because in august i always went to work early and i left late like after 1 hours after my shift, for the reason that i got an ultimatum from my boss about our stats and score that we need to reach.. he even started to pick me up at work for the past 2 weeks and saying that hes just making up with me.. bu clearly its not coz he still accusing me of something everyday.. im so hurt coz what i just did is plain work.. i am faithfull to him and i really love him and want to be with him forever but he wont believe me… 🙁

  173. Im being accused off cheating along with loads of other things. With people i don’t even know. Its heartbreaking to think your partrner believes youv done all this. Slag this slag that. Near enough everyday. Hes made up in his mind what he wants to believe. Like making out iv had messages in y fone and had numbers iv not. He even told people i slept with someone eles in the same room as him. After helping drug him. Dragging my whole family and friends into this saying that they wer all in onit. I know i shouldn’t feel bad the fact i had to tell him to choose me or his cannibis. And to top it all off. I recently found out hes signed his self up on dating sites. I even moved away with him away from the town we lived in. Im starting to feel like im giving up on us. I love him so much. Iv even told him Il do a lie detector if i have to, i just don’t think that will make a difference.

    1. I have also told my husband I would do a lie detector test but dont believe it will make a difference. They have their mind made up and they will just look for an excuse to why we passed it. My husband constantly accuses me and Im either at work or home, same schedule everyday, I even stopped going out with friends and stopped going to school. I am tired of putting my life on hold. Truth is they need help that we cant give them. I say what good will a lie detector test if the whole point is for him to trust me and take my word, taking a lie detector just proves that they dont and its quit embarrassing to me to have to do that to prove to my husband of 8 years that I am not.

  174. My Boyfriends friends told him that I slept with a different friend in front of them. This didn’t happen but he does not understand why his friends would say that if it wasn’t true. We have moved passed this several times but he says its always on the back of his head and he just wants the truth. I have tried so many times to get him to believe me and I don’t know what to do. Now more and more of his friends are starting to say it is true as well.. Any advice?

  175. I am going to make myine as brief as possible and I am hoping I get advices that would help me make a wise decision.

    Two weeks ago my wife threw all of my stuff and me out of the house in the middle of the night, accusing me of cheating with a collegue at work, I knew I had nothing to do with this lady at work, so I picked my stuff and moved to the hotel, the bills became a source of concern for me, so I rented a comfortable 1 bedroom apartment.

    Four days later after investigation and confrontation, she and her sisters confirmed I had absolutely nothing to do with this lady at work, now she is pleading and begging me to come back to the house, bare in mind I pay the mortgage and she earns twice of what I earn as a caregiver, yet I am responsible for most of the bills.

    We have 2 kids, I detest calling them my step kids because I love both of them passionately, I have none of mine at this time, she has tried to commit suicide and also has tried to stab me with a kitchen knife because she thinks I am cheating and at the end she finds out they are all false.

    Should I go back? Or stay separated?

    1. Roland,
      What if a condition of your return was that you and your wife have to do couples’ therapy regularly (as in weekly or bi-weekly) for at least 3 months before you decide if you are moving back in?

  176. Hi! I would appreciate some help. I have a husband that decided lately that I am cheating on him. It has been super uncomfortable lately in our household since I knew he had these feelings for a long time now. I have been trying to be very open with communication, but he still thinks I am. He believes I am doing this with two of my guy friends who I have classes with Monday through Thursday from 5-9. I have tried explaining to him that I a grouped with one of these guys in classes because we are working on the same grade level (going to college to be a teacher). He has lately decided to go his father to discuss this. His parents have already told me that they don’t like me, and now they avoid me like the plague although I am the one that helped them paint their whole house! I love my husband dearly and I don’t want to lose him, but I can’t take this pain either.

  177. My boyfriend of 2 years / and father to be of our baby…. has never accused me of cheating before but since I have been pregnant he has accused me several times and tells me to just admit it and he always says he knows more than I think… I have not. Cheated on him ever! He has talked to other woman since we have been together but I have forgave him I don’t think he is doing it now… I could be wrong but I love him and want this to work out and need to know what I can do to prove to him I’m innocent! He has even said he don’t think this baby is his…. but then the next day after the fight he acts like nothing is wrong and he loves me again I don’t know what to think or even do for the matter

  178. Hi,
    My boyfriend and I have been dating for a few months now, and he is constantly asking if I am with other guys or sleeping with other guys. He has been cheated on in the past, which is the reason I believe for him to be this way. I have never cheated on him or any of my previous boyfriends. He works while I am in college, and has never dated a college girl. He’s convinced that when I say I’m going to study it means something else. I have laid out my schedule for him and even try to talk to him as much as possible throughout the day. I’m at a loss for what I should do now. I have tried talking to him about it and he just plays the “I’m a bad boyfriend” card. It’s starting to take a toll on me.