Gaslights, lying, affairs, addictions, and controlling relationships

One thing I can say is good relationship advice – avoid gaslighting in your relationship. Don’t know what gaslighting is?  It is all about lying.  It happens all the time in controlling relationships, relationships where someone is having an affair, and in addiction/alcoholism.  Gaslighting is a type of mental control/abuse where someone makes another person

Technology and Infidelity- relationship advice on using today’s tech

You live in a world of endless possibilities to connect with others.  Want to quickly confirm a date?  Shoot out a text.  Want someone to review an article before you post it?  Send an email.  Miss seeing your partner when he/she is away on travel?  Set up a video call.  Want to meet some new

Loss and Violation in Relationships

  The other day someone commented on the relationship advice in one of my posts and disagreed with a suggestion on how a couple can heal after an affair.  The commenter felt moving on and “getting over it” quickly is best.  I gave some serious thought to that opinion, but still disagree. While brooding over

Cheater’s chains

Here’s another limerick to get you thinking… An affair is a time when you lie. All trust in the marriage will die,  until you come clean and say what you mean with love and remorse in your eye! What is most harmful about and affair is the way trust is destroyed by the lies and

Accused of Cheating and You’re Not?

There are at least 4 causes for accusations of faithlessness when it is blatantly obvious cheating isn’t happen. Sometimes a spouse or partner accuses because they are cheating themselves.  By accusing you they blind you to the truth of their behaviors.  Or they may be considering cheating, so they are trying to convince themselves that

In an affair? Can’t blame your spouse!

It is an occupational hazard of my job that I come into contact with unhealthy marriages daily.  One big issue that keeps coming to my professional door is affairs.  Either individuals/couples who are struggling after the big reveal, or individuals/couples who are struggling because it hasn’t been revealed. A common theme that crops up is

Really? Do you really think it’s okay?

The other day I received a call from a former client.  The couple had come to be after infidelity and did a ton of work to heal the pain and rift.  Now I get a call from the hurt partner saying the cheater was in contact with the lover again via email. Unfortunately I wasn’t

Are You an Offensive Victim?

Yes, you read that correctly, an offensive victim. What do I mean?  What am I really asking you?  Do you say to yourself things like: “Because she yelled at me I can yell back.” “Because he didn’t give me what I wanted I can do what I want even if it hurts the relationship.” “They

Bare feet and Protecting your relationship

As a safety conscious motorcyclist I cringe when I see people riding in less than safe clothing.  During the summer it is not unusual to see people on motorcycles in shorts, bikini tops, tank tops, and flip flops.  The other day I even saw a girl up on the back seat of a sport bike

In an affair? Does your lover really love you?

Wedding Lily Does your lover really love you? Not is your lover sexually attracted to you…  Not is your lover interested in you… Not is your lover “in love” with you… But – does your lover truly, really, LOVE you? If you answer “yes”, and you are in an affair with that person, you are

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