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Boundaries in relationships – Using control? Stop it!

One of my hints about boundaries in relationships that gets retweeted all of the time.  Every time I post it, it goes viral.  It is no surprise, because it is simple, but really really right.  It is: “Stop trying to control everything.  Period.” Think about that.  Just pause and think on it.  What would you

Boycott Valentines Day: A Better Idea than a Box of Chocolates!

What could you give to your partner this February that will be better than a box of chocolates?  No, not dying flowers or an overpriced dinner out on Valentines Day.  That’s not the idea.  The best gift you can give in this month of love is ongoing gratitude. I’m talking about for the month of

The Power of Compassion in Relationships

The theme of the week in my office seems to be compassion.  Clients are struggling with how to deal with difficult people, especially around the Holidays.  We keep circling back to how compassion is the most powerful way to not be bothered by difficult people. Why compassion?  Compassion is a great indicator that you have

What do you think about Public Displays of Affection?

This morning while walking the boardwalk I saw a couple passionately kissing.  By passionately, I mean they could have been going for an Emmy on an HBO show.  It was intense tongue action and it garnered a lot of attention from the bikers, walkers, and joggers.  One bicyclist looked at them then me and when

Relationship Tip – Mom was Right!

Politicians seem to forget this relationship tip.  So do those who are in affairs or who are abusing drugs and alcohol.  They all forget Mom’s #1 lesson – two wrongs don’t make a right. Yes, even in your relationship two wrongs don’t make a right.  If you are upset at your partner for something you

The Three Most Important Words in your Relationship

The following joke recently came across my virtual desk: At my granddaughter’s wedding, the DJ polled the guests to see who had been married longest; it turned out to be my husband and I.  The DJ asked us, “What advice would you give to the newly-married couple?”  I answered, “The three most important words in

How do you define healthy love?

A client asked me to define love, saying, “I don’t think I ever saw it happen, even with my parents.” What a tough and powerful spot to be put in! I thought for a moment and said, “Real love is knowing the good and the bad about a person and still caring for and about

Relationships – moving from complaining to doing

During some sessions a client feels the need to complain about and point out how someone else (often a spouse/partner) or everyone else is unhealthy and unhelpful. For a short and supportive time this can be therapeutic; we all need so validation of our relationship struggles. Where it becomes unhealthy is if the client continues

Questions to Ask Your Insurance about Psychotherapy Reimbursement

You pay for it; you could be getting reimbursement from your insurance for going to therapy even if your therapist isn’t in your network.  There are some key questions you can ask to get educated on what your insurance will reimburse for psychotherapy. When you call your insurance make sure you are calling the mental

Relationship Problems and Geometry Problems

Remember geometry in school?  I do.  I remember doing proofs, those problems where you had to prove in steps what things equaled on geometric shapes.  My key trouble with geometry was I “knew” the answer so I would skip steps.  That lost me big points – I was supposed to show all the steps, not

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